I woke around 3:15 and, again, was wide awake...So I grabbed my Reader and opened to read more in Acts... Soon the words came and I started singing, in my mind... I am weak, but you are strong, let it be...let it be... (Over the last weeks as I've gotten back into being able to think more clearly...as some of you may know, during the last months, I had a brain tumor removed... and a hip replacement, so I was unable to spend a lot of time sitting and typing...) but, then, I was wide awake to watch all that is happening at this time in America--in the world...
I find I want to share, to talk now, to share the words that come often into my mind, many times so rambling as I go from one issue to another...stopping just a few minutes ago to pull up a news video on "The Pillow Guy." Geesh! I filed it, but continued to look for the song that, I felt, most provides my relationship with God...with The Holy Trinity... I am weak-You Are Strong...
Soon, I started thinking about exactly what was happening with me...I wanted to separate out my opinion from talking about books here at Book Readers Heaven and tried to use a different blog... I've found that it does not easily work...doing connections, posting etc., becomes harder to share... This morning, then, I thought...or maybe even was guided with the words Hashtag: Emotionally Damaged... You see, that was the title for a book that I've had in my mind for, well, over at least 20 years... It was conceived as one of two books that I thought I could write about, but was never able to feel "strong enough" to clearly think, in order to write--without the emotional baggage I carried during those years... In many ways, it is still the same. I could not drag myself through the burnout I experienced, without bringing back the PTSD nightmares that I had each night, and, even, still every once in a while...
Either I realized, or I was advised this morning... Write your book here at Book Readers Heaven. After all, you "are" writing a book--an open memoir as you have already decided--so...what's the problem of writing here at the blog where everybody now knows your name...
Gabbie is the Child in Glenda Bixler. She is that part of me, as defined by Thomas Harris in I'm Ok; You're Ok. One of these days I'll do a complete discussion on that book, but needless to say, it was an easy psychologically based book that teaches you to consider your interpersonal relationships, even with yourself. Gabbie is the child in me that is most times hidden, or had been in the past. Glenda is my Adult--the professional woman that, in the end, was emotionally damaged as she worked for many years and finally reached job burnout, when her doctor told her bluntly. It's Your Job--Or, Your Life...
I walked out of the office and didn't go back...at least until I was released by doctors... But even then, it wasn't over; but I was physically able to unemotionally deal with my life again. My Adult was in Control...and Gabbie would only be known in my continued nightmares...I'll have to tell you about my nightmares on another page. I love that phrase, which I learned from my brother-in-law, Bill, who was here often with me, helping to maintain my new home after I retired... His family built my cabin and I was fortunate to be looking for a place to live after I retired...and they were in the midst of selling it, after Bill's mother died... When he would come out to mow, he might mention that one of the trees needed cut back...but then, he'd add, waving goodbye, "That's On Another Page..." which meant that it would get done whenever he could actually "read"/do the work...or at least that was my interpretation...Anyway, if you see it, that's how I will be using it...
So, often, when I start talking about myself, I tend to have one thought in mind...and go off into another as my mind roams through over 70 years of living... I hope you'll bear with me as I remember...
One thing I had accepted and know definitely. God indeed has, and had a plan for me... I can look back and see that Each Step I took, perhaps was my own decision, or not...whether or not God's plan was definite--or He helps us at each step that we may take, and helps us by carrying us until His plan can be brought about...again... So, let me tell you the major steps that were in my life...
- My first job was in the personnel office at a local university. I was 18, proud to be selected for a job by the personnel people!
- My immediate supervisor was Bettie Tucker.
- She trained me to be prepared to take her job when she left.
- Bettie had joined her husband near Pittsburgh, and soon became a Christian publisher. She had published a rhyming Bible for children and wanted to be sure it was published, so she did it herself...That's the type of person you admire as a mentor, right?!
- When things got worse on the job for me, I would travel to Pittsburgh and work on books she was to publish, learning each step of the publishing business.
- As she decided to move on from publishing, she and I started the Independent Professional Book Reviewers Site. We were paid by the number of pages, which was to cover our time involved. Obviously, it took more time than just reading the book, especially when both of us tended to help the writer in editing, proofreading--whatever was needed...
- When the IRS "discovered" that book reviewing was so lucrative, or becoming to be, we came under their guidance. For me, billing, collecting money, etc., was cumbersome and even more time consuming. Additionally, I had been working on my own, but with her knowledge, doing other things for writers, for which I was not charging... which was now in my mind an ethical problem...I could not get paid for some but not all of the work I was reporting as income...
- She retired from our site; I became independent, with no charge for what I was doing...and started... Book Readers Heaven...
My mother had strived to keep us in church every time the doors were open, and that included when she was cleaning, which was one of the many jobs she took on to provide for her four children as a widowed mother. I cannot remember ever being outside of the church, except, those times in, I think, everybody's life as a religious person, when we look outside to see what it is in the world around us that we might...like...or...enjoy...or... whatever... I was baptized at the age of 13 and I am living proof that once Jesus has come into your heart, He Stays...
Another favorite song as a child, seemed like a riddle: One door, the only one...and yet its sides are two, I'm on the inside, on which side are you? Words Matter, don't they? How important are words to you?
Hey, Gabbie here... Want to know a secret? When I'm really lonely or fearful about something, the songs that I learned as a child are the ones that come to mind most easily... And, even, if you are 10, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, or even 70--Oh My! Into My Heart still brings a gladness, a certain knowledge, that I'm never alone, for Jesus lives within me...always! And Jesus Loves Me! And, indeed, w are ALL children of the King!
Ok, one more, but I have to ask...have you started singing with me yet? Well, here's one with the words, sing along to one of my favorites!
Almost 6 a.m., are you just waking up? Great! Have a Good Day!
Because He Lives!
God Bless
Gabbie
Ok, this is...the...end...5:55... All is Well: God is Alive! Have a Great Day!
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