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| Australia pinnacle (Photo credit: Kenny Teo (zoompict)) "XXX marked the spot. At the very bottom of this now mangled cardboard box, lay a graphically encased video displaying two contorted women. The women were obviously good friends based on the way they were kissing and caressing each other's ample breasts while in some sort of folded, double- jointed position. The title of this cinematic masterpiece was emblazoned across the top. "Double Headed Dildos," I confusingly read aloud to my wide-eyed audience. In that moment, my cousins and I saw in awe at what we had found but this was, by no means, our first foray into the vast land of adult entertainment..." ~~~ |
stuck.at.seven
[while awkwardly aiming for ten]:
Short recollections of Life's more inappropriate moments
By Edmund Christopher McCombs
I have found that, for me, humor is a personal thing...Like I had a lot of fun recently with the Senior Sleuth novel, because I could relate so much to the women characters! For this book, I also had a personal reaction--it sounded like my two nephews when everybody gets together and they start getting "ignorant" as some of us would say...
Through knowing them, I have found (1) boys talk about different things and (2) the generation of my nieces and nephews are so much more liberal in their talk, their discussions and their humor... I learned this when both of them had watched a Christmas movie that has a little boy sticking his tongue out, freezing it on a light pole, that they could repeat the words of the whole movie [which I have never watched completely] that we would never agree on what is funny... But then I learned that my sister watches it every year as well! It's me--I must be the one with the weird sense of humor...
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| "You see, from a very young age, my concept of oral sex had been one wrought in confusion and misinterpretation and through the dinner table debacle, I realized very little had changed. The term "oral sex" first came into my life at about 7 years of age. My mom and dad were watching a news program and the reporter said that a 13- year-old girl had been caught having oral sex with a 14-year-old boy in the back of a school bus. As most kids do, I completely irnored any other details of the broadcast and blurted out, "What's oral sex? My Mom gentle explained that the term "oral" refers to mouth and that "oral sex" is the medical term for kissing..." ~~~ |
In any event, you'll see that the humor I share are those that made me smile, and sometimes giggle...hey! it's my review, so get your own copy to read the guy stuff. And believe me, there's lots of it, as evidenced of the above picture--yes, purely my interpretation of whatever it is that this is supposed to represent...LOL And yes, you'll learn about awkward (that adjective I'm not so sure about since he's making jokes of those days) moments...from the boy's standpoint...
Like take for instance, the inquiring mind of a five-year-old boy fascinated with learning about new languages, cultures and geography...who sees an African-American woman who was
breastfeeding... (I figured I was safe using Angeline Jolie's cover photo!)"I turned to my mom and innocently asked, "Do they give their babies chocolate milk?" My mom looked a little bit horrified, but she couldn't deny my astute query. "Shhhh, we'll talk about it later!" she yelped and stuffed me in the car as quickly as possible. As I sat there, in the backseat of a used station wagon, I gently pondered the lactation process. "If she gives chocolate milk, do Asian mothers give soy milk?" My little mind was on fire, and apparently the Florida heat was making me thirsty. Later on, my mom explained breastfeeding to me in detail and I was sad to learn there was no variety in flavor. This news disappointed me greatly, but looking back, this initial inkling of curiosity about different cultures would pave the way for many experiences. ~~~
"To: Marissa (Survivor Casting)
Title: I realize that you hate me...
I realize that you hate me at this point because I am annoying but I have applied and applied and then I got a call, finally...after several years and I can't, won't let it go...so, march in the room and tell them that I will be interviewed in person. I realize that you told me to wait a week but I have the self=control of a toddler...
~~~
Besides being reminded of my nephews, I had another family connection to one of the stories... When I was a young girl, we were told that one of our cousins had entered a convent. We'd never see her again! But when we were all adults, we learned that she had left the convent and was now married! Still haven't seen her again, but McCombs' story did make me laugh...and remember our own nun...
"Does it ever weird you out?" I asked.
"What?" my friend Sophie responded.
"You know, the fact that your mom used to be married to the Lord."
"I don't think about it too much, to be honest. Can you pass me the salt?" She had nonchalantly dismissed me because it may have been a non-issue for her but for me; I thought about it a lot in my life. I have met three people whose mothers were former Catholic nuns. Each beginning their pious journey at a young age, they pledged allegiance to their maker and vowed their faithfulness to Him for all eternity. However, somewhere along the way, they stumbled into a rough patch that would cause them to question the church and their own faith. Making what must have been one of life's more difficult decisions, they decided to file an "irreconcilable differences" divorce decree against Jesus H. Christ and move on to more tainted yet tangible, mortal mates. For me though, my fascination didn't lie in knowing the details of their marriage to the All Mighty. I wanted to know more about the second husbands and how exactly those men felt being the understudy of the Holy One.
~~~
Well I have to admit that we were scandalized when that rumor swept through the family. Even the non-Catholics in the family immediately wondered what kind of man her husband was...
Then we heard that he "waited on her for everything, including doing the cooking, cleaning, etc..."
My guess is that she was a Mary, like me, rather than a Martha... (inside joke???)
Hey, if you enjoy reading humor based upon personal life experiences, check this one out! There's probably a story or two that each of you will personally relate to...Or, if you're as ignorant as my two nephews who laugh at everything gross...this one is definitely for you! And a p.s. to "The Survivor..".I think your show would be fantastic with this guy providing some "light humor" to the program...Of course, I don't watch your show...
GABixlerReviews
About this author
Edmund Christopher McCombs is from beautiful Pensacola, Florida but currently living "down under" in Sydney, Australia. He began writing as an outlet to cope with the craziness that sometimes lives in his head, as opposed to beating people up. But, with his small arms and lack of coordination, writing was probably the best choice anyways.
Edmund Christopher McCombs is from beautiful Pensacola, Florida but currently living "down under" in Sydney, Australia. He began writing as an outlet to cope with the craziness that sometimes lives in his head, as opposed to beating people up. But, with his small arms and lack of coordination, writing was probably the best choice anyways.
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