The Devil Lost Another One - Matthew Sisnero - A Personal Journal (Memoir)

“Your future is made by the choices you make today.”--Mom

I was scared of men. And still am... I still had to choose--Matthew

I met Matthew Sisnero through his book over a decade ago. He had just been asked for money for his son by his mother. Without only a thought or two Matthew pulled out his sawed-off shotgun, headed for a local store and robbed the place. He had done it before--no big deal. But this time he'd had to stop at a different place, his timing went wrong and he was caught... He was soon on his way to jail...

Somewhere along this brief ride, Matthew Sisnero was touched. Perhaps it was that the woman with whom he'd had his son had chosen to pick him out of a lineup and identify him... This confused him since she knew he would do anything for his son. He'd done it before, so why change her response? Perhaps it was a brief memory of what his mother always had said to him--something he hated each time she said it--that it was his own choices that would result in his future. We who are reading never know. I hope someday that Matthew might write a prequel to his book of those younger years to complete the very unique picture that he's shared with us in this book. We can assume from what is said that his father was not in the picture and that Matthew had strong negative feelings about him... This seemed to be very plain as he makes a new statement once he is imprisoned.

Because of how and what he'd done, his case went into federal court--given the type of weapon--and we learn, at least I did, just how cruelly those within the federal prison systems are to those inside. If there ever was a time when rehabilitation was part of the program for prisons, it certainly is gone now...

For almost immediately Matthew was horribly assaulted...

I was willing to take that chance, and I took it, and I lost. I can’t be mad at anybody else. I’m the only one who did that. But I’ve learned a lot through all these last 10 calendars I’ve flipped through. I’m figuring out who I think I am. I’m figuring out my needs, wants, and boundaries. And I’m learning how to express the expectations I have to others. Now, I’m not suggesting by any means that you go to prison to figure yourself out. I’m not suggesting that at all. There’s a lot I’ve gone through that I didn’t deserve. I didn’t want to get beaten up, I didn’t want to be sexually assaulted, and I didn’t want to be humiliated or watch one of my friends get murdered throughout these years. My punishment was only supposed to be taken out of society so I couldn’t affect it the way I did anymore. All that extra stuff was somebody else who wanted to continue living their life of violence and other crimes, and I just happened to be the recipient. I don’t know what attracted them to me. I don’t even think I’ve ever voiced any of this to anybody until now. But this is my truth. I got scared to publish this because of the fear of how it could affect my loved ones. For some reason, I looked like a victim to these people, and they chose to do what they did. I hear people say they would do this and do that if somebody did anything to them, and all that sounds good, but I was too scared to fight. I was too scared to move. I just wanted it over with. When I was sexually assaulted, I couldn’t believe what was happening. I didn’t want to die, though. I just remember it hurting so bad that I fainted when he entered me. I’ve never felt pain like that before in my life. I remember my celly there when I was waking up. I’m not even sure how long I was out for. My celly was asking me if I was okay and trying to help me to the bed, and it took me a good 20 minutes to regain my focus. I just remember crying the rest of that night. I was embarrassed. I was scared to leave my cell because I thought everyone knew. My celly couldn’t believe what I was telling him. I could’ve had the guy killed, but I didn’t, and honestly, I couldn’t make any rational decision for a few days after. I cried a lot, and I cried silently. Especially after getting off the phone and lying to my people, saying I was doing good. I just didn’t want anybody to know. From that day forward, I was scared of men. And I still am. I’m not a fighter, and by not retaliating against anyone, it gave an unfortunate message that either I liked what was happening, or I wouldn’t do anything about what was happening, or any future situations that could happen. And I say all this to say that through these experiences I’ve been through, I’ve gained positive qualities and values that I now project toward others. I understand that I can’t control what other people do or how other people conduct themselves. But I can control how I personally choose to live my life and the type of ripple effect I spread.

~~~~

 In here, if you don’t discipline yourself, somebody else is gonna do it for you, and quick. It’s crazy how the process works too, because the more you get in trouble, the more they take away your ability to experience things. In the free world, when you get in trouble, they take you away from experience and put you in jail. In jail, if you get in trouble, they send you to solitary confinement. If you get in trouble in solitary confinement, they take even more experience away from you. They can take so much that the only things you experience are your bowel movements and most of your senses. And as you act right, you earn more experience back. The C.O.s will even wear masks and not respond to you so you can’t even experience human expressions. Being so close to going home, I’ve been doing my best to make a plan and use my time wisely. I see a lot of guys create problems for themselves by doing drugs and wasting their time. One of my best friends, T.J., lost his life from running up a debt, having the homies pay it, and then doing it again after being warned what would happen if he couldn’t pay it. Not sure how many times he was stabbed, but after the C.O.s did their round, they found him lying dead on the concrete in his cell. I didn’t hear him scream or make a sound. Some people scream for their families, even though they know they obviously can’t hear them. They scream anyway though. Everybody reacts to knife wounds differently. I couldn’t imagine leaving prison dealing with drug withdrawals. Fuck that. I feel cleaner, healthier, and my integrity is intact because I’m not spending my family’s money on stupid shit. It sucks trying to make friends in here. People leave, go home, get transferred, get murdered, go to the SHU, or you end up leaving and leaving everyone behind. That’s what I’m about to do. Being so close to leaving, I’m focused solely on my release plan. That’s it. My goal was not to get too close to anybody and not make friends in here. It’s going to suck leaving Joe behind. I hate saying goodbye. I’m sad even writing about it, but it’s inevitable. I have to leave, and they have to stay. So I make plans and daydream because I want to succeed. I feel like I’ve learned a lot, and I want to prove that to myself. I want my mom to see it. I have to see what I’m capable of. We all have a choice. We can sit around and hope our lives change, or we can make a plan and take a chance. I think about all the graveyards full of ideas that were never tried. Those ideas died with the people who had them. Some of them could have changed the world. Even if my ideas don’t change the whole world, they’ll change my world, and maybe someone else’s. I can’t be scared to try. I can’t be scared to fail. Failure is just life moving us in a different direction. I had to learn to listen to my heart and my conscience and follow my gut. It’s crazy to look back at all the trouble I’ve been in. But I’ve come a long way. It’s too bad it took this for me to wake up. My family isn’t used to this side of me. I’m nervous about how they’re going to see me. But no matter what, I have to do what I have to do. Following my convictions and gut feelings is tough sometimes, but I’ve been focused on what my heart is telling me and what’s right for my life, no matter how people feel about it. When people say you reap what you sow, it’s real. I’ve learned that it is tough to do good in a bad environment. It really is. It is almost like you gotta do good in a good environment or do bad in a bad environment to get the results you’re looking for. In prison, as I sit here and write these sentences, most people around me are doing bad things in a bad environment, so they’re pretty much reaping exactly what they’re choosing. Me, I’m trying to do good things in a bad environment, so I’m not reaping the results I’m wanting. But I still do the best I can, because I know when I get out that I will hopefully start to reap the rewards that I’m wanting to reap. It’s definitely tough, though… People look at me funny for “trying.” But I want a better life for myself, so I plan and write down my ideas that are in my head so that when I do get out, these ideas can come to fruition. It’s tough because even some of my loved ones doubt me. I also did that to myself—I’ve created that doubt. This isn’t my first robbery either. Back in 2000, I robbed a store, and as I’m robbing it, a customer walked in, so I robbed him too and received 48 months for each—48 for the store and 48 for the customer. I was only about 19 years old, and it was my first felony as an adult. So I got everything over my head with 10 years’ probation. I ended up getting in trouble, so I did 2001 in jail, got in trouble again, and did 2002 in jail. I stayed out of jail in 2003, violated again, and did the years 2004–2005–2006. The point in me saying all this is to say that I understand why my people didn’t trust me. I understand why they doubt. I’ve never been to the Feds, though. And I’ve never done this much time in one stretch. This is definitely an eye-opener. I’ve been through a lot. I’ve done a lot of changing. I’ve programmed numerous times, and I’ve also created programs and mentored other inmates to try to help them see something different in themselves and that change is possible. When I say mentoring other inmates, I don’t mean just any inmates. I mean specifically high-security inmates, and really some of the most violent ones too. Even though my people don’t know this, or maybe even believe this, I’ve dedicated my entire sentence to seeing how smart I could become, how much change I could make, and really paying forward my life and the experience I’ve had throughout this time. I had to have a desire to change, though, and I needed to really want something different for myself. Change doesn’t have to be super hard. Don’t get it confused, though, because change sometimes isn’t easy. But the process doesn’t have to be complex. The way I’m doing it is: Envision how I want my life to look. Write down that vision so I can read about it. Write down the steps that are necessary—everything that I can think of, no matter how small a step or how extreme a step. Figure it out.

~~~~

Whatever Matthew had done in his earlier life was forgotten. It was almost as if he had the first night there remembered what his mother had said, and he finally knew that she was right. He immediately knew that he had to make the right choices to be able to live through the 13 years he was aiming for... Perhaps based upon what happened, he instinctively chose to not become a member of one of the gang there, with leaders and others who already knew the game that was to be played. Instead he chose to be a loner who chose,  to prepare for his future once he was out. Surprisingly for me, to enjoyed reading. Philosophy and personal achievement books. In fact, the major part of the book was a storyline that I was not prepared for. You see, right from the beginning it seemed like we were meeting Matthew--not the Matt that we would have guessed we would be meeting after reading about his taking a sawed-off rifle and heading to a store to steal money...

Was this the Matthew of his early life we never met? Or had he been touched in some way that day when he was caught and placed in jail? And the book does not say that's what happened...so I kept on reading...

Another surprise, he became buddies with some of the roughest men in that location, but he learned that each of them were family men and loved their families, even though they had chosen a life of crime somewhere along the way. Readers begin to wonder, especially during this time of extreme unrest in the United States, whether all of these types of lifestyles were forced on people, and, never, really, chosen...

Matthew mentions in the book that those to whom he wrote had given him feedback that he wrote wonderful letters. Here, too, readers will see and ponder. This young man was obvious intelligent, and already had an ability to write, even though much reading that he had started and learned from in prison added to his skills. He commented that there was little editing of the book. It was then I realized that he was writing a daily journal, or as often as he chose to write, and that, sometime he repeated a topic, but not in such a way as to be repetitive. Rather he was on a particular topic that he might have been reading about and writing about at that time. Pay attention to this part of the book because there will be a specific split later on... It was almost as if he was being guided to choose what to read and to spend time, indeed, planning for the future. It was time well spent and, by the time, those many years went by, it is difficult to even consider that he was not, instead, spending time away at college...

Until he left the structure of the prison life, where he had chosen not to spent time drugging, lifting weights, and other non-beneficial activities, but rather to look and plan for the future...

Matthew was ultimately scheduled into a half-way house. He had even landed a management job and was successfully working--for a while...

You See, Matthew's mothers told him just one part of her life as a Christian... She'd explained that he would be asked to choose, but, maybe, at those times, he would turn away and not listen. Because Matthew never learned that nobody can make it on our own... We might try, and work to be prepared, just as Matthew had done during his incarceration, but in this world, it is not enough... Matthew had been touched through his early life, but, you see, there had been no real contact to provide the necessary strength...

Matthew was pulled back into easy access to drugs--those drugs which gave him a high he'd never wanted to give up. Yet he knew it was not really what he needed... He knew God as part of His Life, but he'd never met my best friend--and perhaps yours...

This is a story that is m0re than readable--inspirational. It is a story that just may be the exact one that will touch you. Each of our lives is so different. There is no one story that will respond to you. I found myself pondering much about the book and how it was written. Then realized that, even though familiar, it was NOT my story but that of Matthew Sisnero. He had a path that has been chosen for him... And as I wrote to him about getting his book, his words were something like "And it begins..." It is indeed his story to share...

You have a story, a relationship, a life, that is to be found, a story that only you can find for yourself. Nobody else can replace your life's story. But, Sisnero's story is very unique. Because he lived a life that had been guided by one sentence: Your future is made by the choices you make today. If you remember only that one sentence, it will be a start. But that is only a Start. Your future, perhaps, needs to be guided at first, to learn about the possibilities, the tragedies that might affect you greatly, but which can also be overcome and forgotten in your new future which starts everyday... And Matthew Sisnero found my Friend...

This book may be your first step in the right direction.

GABixlerReviews

Watch Night by Harold Michael Harvey Wins Bronze Medal at 2025 Illumination Book Awards

 

Congratulation my Friend Michael!

You Deserve One More Award...and Many More!

Glenda

For Immediate Release

Atlanta, GA — February 21, 2025 — Cascade Publishing House is proud to announce that the critically acclaimed book Watch Night: A Narrative History of Bethel Christian Methodist Episcopal Church, Macon, Georgia, From 1863 to 2023 by Harold Michael Harvey, has been honored with a Bronze Medal at the prestigious 2025 Illumination Book Awards. The book triumphed in the highly competitive category of Ministry/Mission.

Watch Night is a meticulously researched and compellingly written narrative that chronicles the history of Bethel Christian Methodist Episcopal Church in Macon, Georgia, from the Civil War era to the present day. The book highlights the church’s enduring legacy and pivotal role in shaping the community’s spiritual and cultural landscape.

Author Harold Michael Harvey, a distinguished historian and award-winning journalist, brings to life the rich tapestry of the church’s history through vivid storytelling and rigorous scholarship. Watch Night is a testament to the resilience and faith of the Bethel CME Church congregation and an invaluable resource for understanding the broader African American experience.

Harvey’s memoir, Freaknik Lawyer: A Memoir on the Craft of Resistance, won a Bronze Medal in 2020 from the Living Now Book Awards.

“We are thrilled and deeply honored to receive this recognition from the Illumination Book Awards,” said Harold Michael Harvey. “This award is a tribute to the remarkable history of Bethel CME Church and the unwavering spirit of its members. I am grateful to Cascade Publishing House for supporting this story to a wider audience.”

The Illumination Book Awards celebrate and promote excellence in Christian publishing, honoring books that inspire and illuminate a deeper understanding of God’s Word. The Ministry/Mission category recognizes works significantly enriching church life and mission.

“Watch Night” is available through Cascade Publishing House at Watch Night | Cascade Publishing House, The Tubman Museum in Macon, Georgia, and The Golden Bough Bookstore in Macon, Georgia.

For media inquiries, please contact: Cynthia M. Harvey: cmharvey@bellsouth.net


Michael

Harold Michael Harvey is a Past President of The Gate City Bar Association and is the recipient of the Association’s R. E. Thomas Civil Rights Award. He is the author of Paper Puzzle and Justice in the Round: Essays on the American Jury System, and a two-time winner of Allvoices’ Political Pundit Prize. His work has appeared in Facing South, The Atlanta Business Journal, The Southern Christian Leadership Conference Magazine, Southern Changes Magazine, Black Colleges Nines, and Medium.

Looks Like I've Got Anothr Book To Read...

God Bless,

Gabby

It's Avi's 3rd Birthday - I'm Telling Him - How Much Is a Little Boy Worth? - by Rachel and Jacob Denhollander -Wonderful!

Fearfully and wonderfully made to be loved,Valuable just ’cause you’re you,Uniquely designed, you are one of a kind. Little boy, do you know this is true?

Snuggle up and remind your little boy how special and treasured he is.

Your worth doesn’t come from being in charge,Or from money or fame to be won.Your value is found in how you were made―Worth everything, even God’s Son.

I really enjoyed this book. It has a hard cover at a, in my opinion, reasonable price. I was thankful to find that the publisher provided selected pages to allow us to see the beautiful, colorful and fun pictures that you will find! And, I greatly appreciated the pictures (not here) of many colors of children throughout the book. I always recall so many of my school day friends that were a precious part of my own life... The joy of childhood is a very important part of each child's life. Help them realize, also, the significance of Jesus as one of His friends...

Each of the poetic messages are specifically written to allow young boys and other readers to know that Jesus is always a special part of every child's life. Of course, I had to add it to Avi's personal library... This is a book that I highly recommend! And, by the way, there's also a girl's version...

Jesus and Gabby

Loves

AVI

Thurman L. Faison Presents Be Spiritually Bold! A Personal Favorite for 2024! Thoughts for Open Memoir...

 

Now I know that some will ask the question; don’t the people need to know not to do wrong and that God doesn’t want them to do evil? Respectfully, I would say, if people don’t know by now the difference between doing right and doing wrong, then centuries of brow beating them has been to no avail; and if continued, will only drag them down deeper and deeper in the pit of despair and condemnation. If men and women have not learned by now to ask God for forgiveness when they have erred or sinned in some way, then we are beating a dead horse. 

Before most people come to church, whatever has caused them personal wounds in conscience has already been addressed privately between themselves and God. They don’t need to be reminded again and again of their errors and mistakes. They usually come to church for comfort and encouragement and for ways of faith and hope for the many problems and concerns of their personal lives and the lives of their loved ones. Some people have beaten themselves up so badly and of course our prime enemy, (you know who that is) has joined in with his accusations as well; that they are so wounded in conscience that they can hardly hold their heads up. Then they go to church and hear negative sermon after negative sermon which only discourages them more. They have been to the whipping post again and again. This is why so many christian people are miserable and are just trying to keep a stiff upper lip to the world around them. 

The better way seems to be the positive way. For example, lets use a current comparison: Which parents do the best job of raising their children; those who raise them in a negative environment or those who raise them in a positive environment? Which children are the happiest; those who are always being rebuked and criticized, or those who are being encouraged and guided with kindness? The facts indicate that the most insecure, unhappy and depressed children come from home environments where love is lowest in its expression, and anger and chastisement are at its highest. 

This is also analogous to the two basic kinds of church environments. 

One environment is always emphasizing the negative passages in the bible and 

another one is emphasizing the positive passages in the bible.* 

Am I saying that we should never emphasize any negative passages in the bible? Of course not, but if this is the steady diet being given to congregations of believers, it is certain that they will be downcast and discouraged most of the time. 

They will barely be able to remember that they are not under the law, but under grace. 

The wounds of the last sermon they heard will have barely begun to heal before the wounds are opened again by a new series of sermons that are just as condemnatory as the last sermon they heard. 

It is a fact that the spirit of the new testament message is more kindly toward human failure than that of the Old Testament. 

When the Pharisees brought the women caught in adultery before Jesus, they immediately referred him to an old testament command. It was commanded by Moses that such women should be stoned. 

Jesus knew that was true, but he refused to apply it to the woman before him, he rather turned the issue back to those who caught the women in her personal transgression, and told them that whoever of them was without sin, let him throw the first stone. Silence fell upon the gathering and forgiveness was given to the woman. 

If we linger on verses that are full of condemnation and rebuke, we will miss the wonder of the new covenant, and forget the fact that we are not under the law, but under grace.

Here is a poem that I wrote which highlights these thoughts. I wrote the poem because I feel there is too much doctrine, and not enough love.

     Too Much Doctrine 

We look for the worst,

Too quick to call one accursed,

The scripture says, we begin,

And immediately harp about one’s sin.

 A verse here, a verse there,

And inevitably we create another scare,

We are so ready to pick up stones,

Feeling justified, blind to our wrongs, 

We rebuke, we condemn, and flat out condescend,

 We are righteous and not of their kin, 

How strong we are in our creeds, 

How weak we are in meeting another’s needs,

 We forget how far from Him we once were, 

So now compassion for others is not even a stir,

 We show the hard side of God,

Ever unleashing the fierce lightening rod, 

We quote it and say, He wrote it,

And we must be faithful and tell it,

Yet buried behind this wall of defense

Is what God has also said since, 

If God is love and condemnation is past

 Because of a sacrifice that will forever last,

 Why can’t we lighten up on other men’s sin

 If we would ever their trust to win

 And show once again the God of all grace,

 Who put everything on the line

 to save the human race 

--Thurman L Faison

*My Emphasis

Isn't it wonderful when you find somebody who thinks the same as you do? Surely there are many on earth that might, but you don't know it, or ever learn of their opinions. At this time in my life, it has become even more important for me... Many of you know that I've been upset regarding how religion, and in particular, christianity has become a part of the political scene, much more than ever before... I was unable to accept that all that was happening was in God's plan... Yet, when you do begin to doubt, in my opinion, you must also consider that you may not be speaking Truth. That you feel you need confirmation. Thurman Faison provided that for me in Be Spiritually Bold!

The book reads like a sermon in many ways. Of course, Faison is a pastor, so that is a natural way of speaking for him. But it is clear that he has done much thinking about what he says, before he says it. So that when Faison tells you to Be Spiritually Bold, he has learned exactly what that meant--before he tells others! 

No, this book is not politically oriented. What it is is a book that tells it like it is...as he has found in his own life. Pointing out that many find it hard to approach God, yet Faison says that is exactly what God wants!

when we dare think of being bold in our approach to God a flood of emotions enters our mind; fear, uncertainty, and that startling voice from our deeper human consciousness which asks the question, “who do you think you are?” There’s the problem: Who do we think we are? I believe the answer to that question begins to unfold when we remember where we came from.

While that is an excerpt from the book, it meant to me a little different that how many people would read the question, "Who do you think you are?" In fact, I had said it to an individual within the past year... After she had accused me of back-stabbing her... I was so shocked, that, for me, I believe it was the first time ever that I had asked that question. Of Anybody? We wonder, especially now in America, how and why people are turning against others in anger, in distrust. I included. Trust has become a problem for me as I grow older. 

But my Trust in God has never faltered. I think that is somewhat based upon my human father having been killed while my mother was carrying me. Not having a father for any type of male support, it was natural for me, when I heard about The Holy Trinity, to quickly understand my role with that concept. God was My Father, Jesus, His Son, was My Friend... and they supernaturally talked to me through His Spirit which resided within me.

I cannot say that I haven't turned away from God a few times during my life; i.e., I didn't want to hear His words, because I knew what they would be. But I always knew that He would not abandon me. I was made in His image and I was His child...

As mentioned in the preface, and supported by the scriptures, we are made in “the image of God.” We are like him. We are also identified in the scriptures as, “the offspring of God,” that is why when we pray, we often say, “Our Father.” We came from him, and we are ‘like him’. Although our lives have been marred by many personal failures and much wrong doing, the fact remains that our being and God’s being are eternally related. Therefore we have the right to approach God, to speak to him and even expect him to respond to our cry.

It is reassuring to know that we alone determine how we will approach God, and with what words we shall express our expectations. No one had ever approached God in exactly the same way with exactly the same words as Elisha. But God honored his request and his faith...

Jesus spotlighted this dimension of faith when he said: “verily I say unto you, that whosoever shall say unto this mountain, be thou removed and be thou cast into the sea; and shall not doubt in his heart, but shall believe that those things which he saith shall come to pass; he shall have whatsoever he saith.” Notice the words, whosoever and whatsoever. There are no restrictions on who may accomplish these things, nor what things can be made to happen. Now I know we are in deep water now, but since Jesus said it, we should not be afraid to repeat it. Not only should we repeat it, we should seek to prove for ourselves the truth of what he has said. That is really what Elisha was doing when, “he smote the waters.” He was seeking to prove for himself the divine possibilities of the use of faith and spiritual authority. Now I know someone reading these words will say; I am not Elisha! No, you are not Elisha, but you are as Jesus said – whosoever. Just to hopefully make this a little clearer, remember, we started this chapter with an emphasis on ‘spiritual succession.’ We talked about someone following another and expecting to have the same authority and power that his predecessor had while he occupied that position. The successor would expect to use his authority and expect no less recognition of that authority when he stepped into the same role. He would look for things to happen for him as had happened for the other. Before completing this chapter, I would like for us to remember that Jesus also said of his followers: “the works that I do shall he do also, and greater works than these shall he do.” Now he said that; and I am only repeating it to bring back to our minds that there is so much more for us to reach for in this thing called spiritual succession.

Faison is talking about the prophet Elisha as he writes (or speaks), but for me, most sermons I heard throughout my life were words from God, presented through another child of God. As a young Christian, I was reading many different books, including The Living Bible which was the Bible I used most at that time. So it was quite easy for me to consider attending a Full Gospel meeting when I was invited, and was anointed, speaking a few words in tongues. Later, as I've shared, it was through another book, Something More, that He poured His love over and through me, taking the step of being baptized in His Holy Spirit.

Later I was to learn that my bold step was being questioned by some. Comments like God doesn't give His gifts any more... or even, probably, Who Does She Think She Is--to claim such a thing happened to her? I share this in the context of this book, because, for whatever reasons, I've been spiritually bold since my early teens--I've been open to God in all ways, maybe not at all times, but deep inside I've always known that God would always take care of me... Many of my chosen songs reflect that willingness to open up to Him.

T he key point that needs to be made from reading this book... We are His Children! And because of that we must, yes, we must, recognize that role as His Child and turn to Him for All That He Has To Give Us! And, in being willing to look boldly toward Him, we can do all things through Him!

Faison goes into reasons why we may not look boldly... Yet... He meets each of us where we are. Just like Jesus does... He is our friend. We can talk to Him about anything and everything. Much more than with anybody else, I have found! Because we can always trust that He loves Us and Wants Us to Know that First...

And then, readers will be introduced into the supernatural aspect of God... What does that mean? Well, remember the story about moving mountains? Do we have the faith to move mountains?

I've shared that I've always had the boldness. but I've been limited, at times, in my faith... Right now, for instance, I've claimed that the 2024 Election for America will be what I think should happen... I've claimed it, I have faith... But is it enough? After all, millions of others have just as much right to be wanting a specific outcome. I know that, perhaps, is not a good example because the impact depends upon my being right--that God is NOT a God of Violence and those of us who seek the future of God in all of His Power and Glory, do not accept that going backwards in our religious lives can be the right way... Nevertheless, I'm claiming that in God's Name, Here in Public. In Faith I Boldly Seek God's Truth and God's Love to rein across the world. I claim that authoritarian leaders who have no empathy for people will not win, that guns will be controlled, that wars will cease. Will you join with me in Boldness and in Faith that God's Love and Truth Will Win in the 2024 Election?!

I wanted you all to know what happened... after I wrote this last paragraph. I was looking for the song Sweet Sweet Spirit, but nothing sounded right... Then I heard His Spirit speak one Word. Promises... I immediately placed it in search--I had not heard the two following songs before... Was this my second confirmation?

I just want to close out this post. This book spoke to me. I believe it will speak to you, if you allow it. I believe Thurman L. Faison speaks of the love of Jesus and this book will help you find his promises... For You...

God Bless

Gabby

First in Christian Clear Creek Series, Ryan's Ruin, by T. E. Killian is Delightful, Heartwarming and A Little Bit of Murder Mystery...

 

After a mostly sleepless night, Ryan was still planning to go through with it, but he had come up with a plan. He knew his sisters and Margie left the house between nine and nine-thirty on Sunday mornings. Since he wasn’t going to Sunday School, he didn’t have to leave until after ten-thirty. So that would give him plenty of time to get ready after the others left the house. But the question that had really kept him awake for most of the night was why. Why, after all these years, had he agreed to go to church and with Candy at that? And why did he agree so quickly and so easily, too? He didn’t really have answers to any of those questions, even now in the light of day. So, as he sat at the kitchen table drinking one last cup of coffee, he decided not to think about any of that anymore. The others had all breezed through the kitchen numerous times, getting coffee or breakfast. Now, it was about time for them all to leave. 

This was the moment he’d been waiting for. Or was he really dreading it? At any rate, they all trooped through the kitchen and past him and through the garage door. Hazel was in the lead as usual, with Ernestine right behind her and Margie bringing up the rear a little way behind her aunts. Ryan had to laugh at the comical procession they made as they filed past him. His little niece was really maturing. She was at least three inches taller than her aunts now, too. Finally, they were all gone. Now what? Did he really want to go through with this or not? And if so, why? Why did he say he would go to church now when so many had tried to get him to go over the years? Why did he decide to go when a newcomer, an outsider, even a competitor, asked him to? He sat there for a few more minutes and finished his coffee. Then he remembered that he’d decided not to think about any of that anymore. He was going, and that was that. 

But despite that resolve, as he was climbing the stairs to go to his bedroom, the answer to all the questions flying around in his head hit him like a two by four between the eyes. Candy! In spite of his concerns about her coffee shop maybe hurting his business, he liked the woman. No, it was more than that, much more. The fact was, he was drawn to her like a moth to a flame. And that was what was bothering him the most. Wasn’t that reason enough not to go? He kept arguing with himself all through getting dressed and driving out to the church. When he parked in the church parking lot, he noticed that Candy’s son, Connor, was standing on the concrete slab outside the front door, watching him. The kid disappeared inside the building and a moment later, Candy came out and stood there, looking his way. When he didn’t get out right away, she started walking briskly toward him. He jumped out of the truck and they met on the sidewalk leading from the parking lot to the front door. She was beaming at him so much that he almost turned around and hightailed it toward home. But a closer look at her stopped him in his tracks. She was wearing a dark blue dress, and it made her look fantastic, too. Whoa, stop that. “Oh Ryan, I’m so glad you came.” When she smiled at him like that, he knew why he’d come to church for the first time in thirty-five years. 

He didn’t know what to say back at her, so he didn’t. He just walked beside her through the double glass doors and on into the foyer. Of course, Ryan should have known that pushy preacher would be there just waiting to get his hooks into him. He had never really cared much for that preacher. It seemed like the guy was always coming by at his sisters’ urging to try to talk him into going to church. Well, right now, the man looked like he’d just won the lottery. He was beaming from ear to ear and as he walked toward Ryan, his belly jiggled with each step. And of course, his equally obnoxious wife was right behind him, making all kinds of excited sounds, which sounded more like a pigeon to him. That was enough to turn Ryan around and head back home, but he suddenly felt Candy’s light touch on his arm. That stopped him cold. That touch calmed him down and put him in just the right frame of mind to face that preacher and his wife. He was surprised again when neither the preacher nor his wife said a word about it being about time or any such nonsense as that. Instead, Martin Howell shook Ryan’s hand. “Welcome to First Baptist Church Ryan. It’s good to see you here.” His wife came up to him then and tried to pull him into a hug like he was her long-lost relation or something. Well, he let her get half way but that was all. He sure didn’t hug her back, that’s for sure. 

When he chanced to glance at Candy, she had her other hand over her mouth, like she was trying not to laugh right out loud. Well, as he thought about it, though, it was just a tad funny after all. But he wasn’t about to laugh, not here at least. After running the beltline, so to speak, of the pastor and his wife, as well as several of the deacons, Candy was finally able to get him into the big room where they had church. Of course, Ryan had been in the building quite a few times over the years for weddings and funerals. But today, the whole place had an entirely different feel to it. He couldn’t figure out what that difference was, though. Well, he knew it was too good to last. As soon as Candy led him to a row of chairs where her kids and Margie were sitting, his sisters saw him. They were sitting across the aisle with some friends of theirs. But they both let out whoops, jumped up, and rushed over to where he and Candy were. Hazel was in the lead, as usual. She stopped in front of them and grinned up at Ryan. Then she giggled. “I told you so.” With that, she hugged him, then turned to Candy and hugged her, too. He heard her whisper something to Candy that sounded like, “Thank you, Candy.” As was normal for her, Ernestine stood a few feet away, stiff as a board, frowning at him. And when she spoke, he knew he could have predicted exactly what she said if he’d just thought about it. “About time.” With that, they all settled down in their seats. He wound up on the aisle with Candy on his right and the three teenagers on her other side. He looked that way and saw Margie grinning at him. 

He smiled back at her and turned his attention back to Candy, who was talking to him. “The kids usually have a service of their own next door, but the Youth Minister is sick today.” He was thankful that Candy explained everything else to him, as it happened all through the service. Otherwise, he might have been sitting when he should be standing, or vice versa.

All through Sunday School, Candy had been nervous and had kept looking at her watch. She was just so afraid that Ryan wouldn’t come. She realized it had to be hard for him suddenly to come to church after so many years. She kept praying he would indeed come, though. Then, when Sunday School was over, she had sent Connor outside to watch for Ryan. She still wasn’t sure he’d come. But then Connor had come in with a smirk on his face. “He just drove up.” She hadn’t known what to do. Should she wait for him here? Or should she go out to meet him? She tried to look through the glass doors but couldn’t see him from that angle. So, she slipped out to stand just outside the doors. When he sat in his pickup for a minute, she realized he might be getting cold feet, so she headed toward him on the sidewalk. That was when he climbed out of the truck and started toward her. When they grew close, she almost laughed from relief when she saw that smile. He was giving her that crooked smile again. What must he be thinking right now? Whatever it was, she knew somehow, she needed to make him feel comfortable quickly and try to keep him that way. She met him at the beginning of the sidewalk and smiled at him. “Oh Ryan, I’m so glad you came.” 

Earlier in Sunday School, she had explained to Tiffany and Sabrina that she wouldn’t be in the choir that morning and why. They had been so excited that they’d stopped right where they were in a hallway and prayed with her for Ryan. That had touched her so much to have such friends who were so strong in their faith. Now, the service was almost over, and she had been trying to help Ryan to know what was going on at all times and especially what was coming next. She didn’t want him feeling awkward in any way. That was when she looked up into the choir loft and saw that woman who owned the appliance store giving them a dirty look. Oh my. What had she done now? 

As they were standing to leave, she leaned toward Ryan and spoke softly near his ear. “Ryan, is there something between you and Naomi Tidwell?” He turned to her. “No, not really. Why do you ask?” She suppressed a giggle and nodded toward the choir with her head. “She’s giving both of us a rather dirty look right now.” When he looked that way, he groaned. “Oh no! Not now!”

~~~

This novel, Ryan's Ruin, is the first in the Clear Creek Series by T. E. Killian. I found myself smiling almost all through the book. You see, I had already read the next two books, so I knew what the ending was going to be! LOL And, I had already met the man who is named in the story's title--Ryan. I bought all of these at one time and had just started reading the first I came to on my Kindle. However, I would highly recommend you start with the first book and move through the three books in order.

Ryan and his two sisters own a small mid-town cafe which had become somewhat worrisome; he was concerned whether he could meet the costs for keeping the family inherited business in the future. So, while he was pondering what to do, he had a new neighbor move in next to his family home where he and his sisters still lived. His niece who also lived with them saw that there were teens about her age, and she excitedly starting talking to and about them...

It was then that he learned that the teens' mother, Candy, who was also a widow of ten years, was going to open a cafe exactly opposite him on the main street! He was devastated, sure that another cafe would be the ruin of their own business! Worse, she seemed like little miss sunshine, just like his talkative sister, and everybody was welcoming her to her new home and town.

On the other hand, readers will quickly discover that the people in Clear Creek, or most of them, that is, were very kind, welcoming, and, worse, involved in the local Baptist Church! Groaning, he just knew that his two sisters would be hounding him even more to go to church since Candy and her son and daughter were anxious to meet new friends there.

Worse, two of his poker buddies had immediately asked Candy out and, after a while, Ryan even became a little jealous, maybe of their loyalty to him? Or, was it really because Ryan also had noticed Candy's blue eyes, her blond hair, her...everything...

To make matters worse, the arrival of two recently released jailbirds were beginning to hone in on the family who had moved in next door. Hunter, the town's chief of police and also boss for Ryan, who was the town's mayor, had explained that the two brothers had always heard that the older woman who had died and was the owner of the house into which Candy and her family had moved, had a lot of money that she had kept hidden, and safe, within that house!

It wasn't long before the brothers started harassing Candy and even breaking into her home. Hunter knew that somebody had to help guard Candy and her children, but knew he didn't have the staff or time to do it. Given the proximity of their homes, Hunter finally convinced his best friend Ryan to guard the house each night! Ryan set up a camp bed downstairs in a small storage room, but that didn't stop their meeting from time to time as they came or left the house... And, slowly, a relationship developed... along with their mutual backstories that were very similar... But whenever something about the church or praying came up, Candy quickly realized that Ryan's quickly tensed up and pulled away... A great start to a wonderful series.

GABixlerReviews

Take Time for God... Talking About We Were Real, by Nadine C. Keels - An Important God Incident!

 

"It didn’t change what had happened in that chapel.” One of her arms folded over the other as she embodied an embrace of another kind. “Love got a hold of me that day, and He’s held me ever since. I don’t know what or where I’d be if He hadn’t.”

In the midst of today's chaos, concerns, and fears, God will find you exactly where you are...and send you words of love... This time, it was through a truly remarkable book I just finished this morning when I woke at 5:30... "It didn’t change what had happened in that chapel.” One of her arms folded over the other as she embodied an embrace of another kind. “Love got a hold of me that day, and He’s held me ever since. I don’t know what or where I’d be if He hadn’t.”

And as soon as I had read those words, the words of the song, "God is an Awesome God" poured into my mind to sing, to stop, and, yes, to remember, that once God's love gets a hold on us--He's going to hold on from then on! Wow! Once again, as many of us may require, I was gently reminded to Take Time for God...

The leaves of my life are falling--perhaps that is why I feel a need to hurry, to tell, to try to persuade... I am concerned about what is happening in America... yet, in my heart, I DO know He is in control... if we would just allow Him to act...at...His...own...time... 😔

I met Nadine on Facebook where we discussd a book both of us had read... At one time or another, I will meet many writers and get to know a little about them...Many times, I will want to read their words...for surely a writer--a great one--will speak their truth and share words that they want us to hear... Those are the writers that I want to read, to learn of their lives, and to hear, often, how God is working in his or her life... When I saw Nadine's latest posted, I immediately went out and downloaded it.

Keels writes contemporary romance. We Were Real starts when the main character, Nikkita Creighton was coming back to her home town after many years away, but, still remembering clearly how her life was changed, in several ways. One she had once been invited to go to church as part of an "invite your friend contest" to bring new, young teens into the church. She didn't even know the girl at school who came to invite her, but that was the type of girl she was--bubbly, talkative, energetic...Nikkita decided to accept the invitation--after all, it was only to go to church with her...

Her family had not routinely gone to church, so it was to be a new experience for Nikkita--in more ways than one. First, she was Black and was being invited to a predominantly White church... Nikki was quick to realize that when she found she was the only brown face in the congregation. Still she was drawn to stay and even quickly found a place--a place where people were visiting, staying to pray, or sit peacefully prior to the actual service. 

It was there in that room, as she listened to the song softly playing, that she realized something was happening to her...and quietly felt His presence, His Love...so warm and close that she cried in the joy of knowing, yes...knowing Him in her life... She was amazed that He came so quickly and easily, offering her what He realized she had always needed...

Soon she was trying out for and singing solos within the choir... At home, her parents quietly watched as she started reading the Bible... Still, in the evenings, she would also always have time for music--music that meant so much to her and, often, when words would come to her... She would write them quickly down and then work out an arrangement of the musical notes that would be used, to create...a new... song...

Her voice spoke to all that heard it--for after all, her entire life had been surrounded by her music--what she wrote or heard, she made it a part of her life, even naming her guitar when she was in college, to keep her life surrounded with sounds of, and words, that she needed to share with the world...

As a result of that first visit, she had also noticed a single boy among the teens gathering--their eyes had met just briefly before they each turned to talk to those who were new to the fellowship. But, one night, when Nikkita was sitting alone in the hospital, while worrying about her father who was there, she was trying to do some of her homework. She looked up and saw the boy from church she had "met" on her first night there. She remembered his name and called, "Ian?"

Have you ever just "clicked" when you met somebody new? Well, Nikkita and Ian had done that. Ian had cared enough to come to check on her at the hospital, knowing how he had felt when his own father had died recently. He knew Nikkita might just need somebody to be there with her. And he was right...

They became friends--good friends and readers will enjoy the joking tease between the two as they got to know each other... Ian loved old movies and his favorite show was "Leave It To Beaver." You guessed it, the two would spend hours talking about the show and what was happening in the world about that time.

So, of course, food and where they would eat then came up! When she never heard of some of his favorite drinks of that time period--mine was rootbeer floats--he looked around the area until he found an old fashioned shop with a counter and even oldies playing...

Ian was soon spending time with Nikki during her precious music time at her home...and they would talk and learn more about each other, always kidding and teasing--it was part of their relationship, of course!

And then she was gone... Nikkita stopped going to church, wasn't there when Ian tried to reach her and soon it was time for both of them to enter college and distance pulled the relationship to a close... At least it seemed that way... But no matter what had happened, there was no further communication between the two friends... What had happened?

When it came out, there was disillusionment and shock. The youth pastor had been involved with that vivacious young teen who had invited Nikkita to her church. In fact, when Nikki began to be concerned about her own interaction with the minister, she had called that girl and, before, she realized it, was being told the whole story...or at least part of it...

Keels' story includes that there were sermons or discussions that occurred in that church about teen sexuality. For me, that was a surprise, because I had never attended any church where the issue was even brought up! Which course should actually occur in the church? 

One of the books I had contemplated researching and writing years ago, and may still do through my open-memoir process, was to be titled The Single Woman Within the Church. In my opinion, the church should be involved in, at least, responding to the issue, in some way. Obviously, after reading this book, I would say that, if it does occur, it should be through a sensitive, highly evaluated and tested program, rather than the personal opinion method which is based purely on what words might "relate" and can be found in the Bible.

Ian undoubtedly realized that, somehow, Nikkita had learned something and decided to just leave the church. But, that never explained to his satisfaction what happened to "Us." He would sometimes send a message, "I Miss US..." only to never hear back...

Time moved forward. Nikkita had pulled together a great group of musicians and was touring most of the time. While Ian met and married a woman... Social media was what brought the two back together, as friends who were once close are able to do... And, so, as the story begins in the present, Nikki has agreed to meet Ian as she traveled to her last concert, and would pass the town where she and Ian had met...

The story itself reminded me of an old, old story/movie, Love Story... Death, a part of life, was present and discussed. But would Nikki be able to share, to reveal to Ian why she had broken away so quickly and permanently, at least at that time...? Decades had gone by. Ian was a widower and both  realized there had always been a connection, a budding of, perhaps, adult love... Could Ian forgive Nikki's actions so long ago? Probably. But could she deal with providing the answers he was asuredly going to ask? She only knew that if it didn't happen now, it never would... And she, too, had missed US.

Keels has done an outstanding job in writing a both believable story, yet one that goes deep enough into the issue without revealing too many details. I told my niece that I would have liked to have known her as a friend and not just as an aunt when she was 17, so that I could share this book and talk to her, perhaps sharing my own thoughts and opening myself up to lovingly discuss in a safe environment. 

That's the type of work this book is...Don't be afraid to buy it for both boys and girls... Both can be just as much in the dark about the reality of relationships as you once were... It's important to open your heart and mind to children to listen to their concerns and allow them to freely come to you when they need to talk about one of the most important part of their lives. It's not an easy discussion--or is it? With the right parental relationships already established, it shouldn't be, especially when you spend time sharing about the different types of love that people share with each other... like God's love for each of us (see above video... as an example).

You know, Folks, I've picked out several videos of music that I didn't know, yet, they seemed to be the type of words that young Nikkita could have written and sang as she grew older... Simply because I've met with the author through her beautiful, sensitive words that she has given to all who will read her story. Nobody but Jesus hears so many of the stifled cries and hidden stories of unwanted touches, from those that we have respected, or even loved with Philia love--friendship, respect and, even honor...

Only to have it betrayed and turned into something that is not expected nor welcomed... those feelings that we wish to save, to hold dear, for someone who we one day will love and care for...and allow Eros love to blossom and grow... Today's world emphasizes sex more than we could have ever imagined... 

One of the songs I found today, "Son of David," reminded me of the story that I shall never forget, especially in these days, when so much turmoil and confusion are being incited and acted upon without regard to God's Truth. You see, the son of the Biblical King David once killed his brother... The brother who was killed was also the son of David who raped his sister... When David did nothing, his son acted out of love for his sister and killed the man who had attacked her... Undoubtedly, all have sinned and come short of the glory of God...

You see, in my mind from all of the stories I have read by women who need to share through their words what happens to girls--of any age--this has never been about abortion on the part of men... After all, many of those who are running for office, including in my own state, are saying that "nothing" should prevent a woman from carrying a child, even from rape, incest, or from...pastors, bosses, or any man who wants to have power over a woman, for any reason. But, just as Nikkita could not share about her own thoughts, so I and so many others, have not been able to do or consider anything, unless there is an option of choice... 

No woman wants to "murder" a baby as the Dr. Oz candidate in Pennsylvania believes...and nobody wants to hear words from Mastriano who considers it "ridiculous" that a woman wants to feel that she has control over decisions affecting her own body... Just two of the individuals running for office this November! Think through what their words actually say and what it means to you...

Neither Nikkita, nor I had been actually raped. But does that make a difference in the mind of the victim of unwanted sexual advances... For Nikkita, she had to go into counseling, trying to understand what she was taught in church, as opposed to what actually took place there... I have my own story(ies) about those with whom I attended church... 

Do not speak of Pro-Life to me when it is men, men who should never touch a woman unless welcomed, nevertheless go ahead and do it! Just in the few months that Roe has been overturned, a 10 and 14-year old have been forced to go to another state...or be forced to have a child, one when she was too young, physically, and the other, because she never should have been touched in the first place!

It really is NOT about life, you know... It is about men wanting to control all parts of women's lives... Just ask any woman who has been touched, raped via incest or stranger, or her date... Nikkita was doubly burdened, as I was, because it happened in church, by supposed men of God... 

All women want, in my opinion, is to have a little privacy to deal with these issues that confront all women...and men... Is that asking too much? I don't think so! And though the "me-too" movement is essentially over, there are new cries of fear and anger... Hopefully, women who are concerned will speak... Writers who know about the trauma will share their words... Lawyers, doctors, and others who want to help women's health issues, including any reproduction concerns...will, as I heard this morning...continue to file legal suits against the laws that have been broken, even as far back as when King David's son first raped his sister... Don't allow us to go backward in being able to make decisions about our own bodies... Certainly, it is God that speaks of love. where a woman should be treated as Christ treated the church--He died for her... Anything else? It is criminals who speak of hate, violence, and loss of equality not only under God's laws, but the laws of our government's constitution.

Do your research and vote for TRUTH!

God Bless

Gabbie