SOMETHING happened to me in early life. I have blocked it. But it involved an older man. When he died, he was viewed in his home, with which I was very familiar. I walked around the house from living room to kitchen to dining room and then into the room where his casket was located. I cried harder each time that I walked through that room... I could hear somebody say, she is really upset... But in my mind, I was saying over and over and over and over: "I'm glad he's dead!" And I was crying for feeling guilty for those feelings for an uncle as well as a church leader...
SOMETHING happened to me in early life. I remember a boy looking up my dress, trying to see up my dress, telling me to stand this way or that way. I knew what he was doing. Was it part of playing?
SOMETHING happened to me in first grade. Dale Clark gave me a note: I like you, do you like me? I smiled at him--my first boy friend... Nothing happened... It was nice to have a friend who liked me.
SOMETHING happened to me in grade school. The girls got together to plan to wear shorts under our dresses...and swing on the limbs down in the woods... Boys watched...
SOMETHING happened during grade school... My Mom was working and my aunt and uncle started caring for me. I remember my uncle who called me Shorty, would tell me to clean up this plate or another. Maybe he thought he was helping since my mother worked so hard to feed us... I started to gain weight...
SOMETHING happened when my aunt and uncle moved into a larger house, maybe when I was around 5 or 6. My uncle wanted to know if I wanted to see his new barn. I remember he took my hand as we walked out the driveway. We looked around downstairs and then he took me to the second floor. Nothing was there except one chair and he said I could sit there. He bent down in front of me, and put his hands on both of my legs. He never did anything else that day. But I never went back out with him to the barn. When I told many years later, one sister started to talk about his neighbor women who were, supposedly, lesbians; the other sister declared I misunderstood... Mom was not a talkative woman on any subject; she was always working...
SOMETHING happened around fourth grade. A neighbor, Kenny, gave me my first kitten... He would sit up in the lawn of his uncle's home and wave to me on my porch--things like that... a nice "third" boy friend in my life... (Jimmy was a neighbor's grandson and we later went to school together, he was second for me to enjoy as a boy friend.)
SOMETHING happened to end that friendship. He was allowed to date and I knew I would not be...
SOMETHING happened in my teens, a cousin who carried newspapers came into the house, I was ironing. Before I realized what was happening he was saying, as he rubbed up closely against my back, "I think I'll take a break..." I stopped ironing and went to another room until he left. He was the son of that first uncle I talked about first above.
SOMETHING happened when I was visiting my grandmother. I can remember my grandfather but he died before I really got to know him. That day, an uncle was there with his children and we were all around the front porch. Dale called, "Hey Fatty"...and then asked a question, never heard because I had turned away. I remember my mother said, "Dale, your Uncle spoke to you..." I was irritated and turned to look at Mom and said, "That is not my name!" And walked away... No followup of what I did happened.
SOMETHING happened later that day, across the road. A grange building was located there and all the kids were in back of the and somebody decided to play like we were on a stage... I remember Joyce and I were at the top of the steps and moving around, lifting our skirts... I thought my sister Dee was there; she doesn't remember...
SOMETHING happened when I started Junior High. I became friends with two girls on the bus we rode to Masontown, PA. Carolyn was Catholic; Marian was the first Black person I had ever met. We became close friends. Carolyn had a boyfriend, Clyde who had a friend named Robert. I quickly developed a crush on him... We all were a group of friends... My weight remained high... I had many boy and girl friends during junor and senior high but no boyfriends. I had learned that being overweight made you..." different..." I never dated in highschool.
SOMETHING happened when I started to work in July, 1963. I had taken the standard employment tests and was offered a job in Personnel! Apparently my weight did not affect my test scores... (which I later looked up, of course! LOL)
SOMETHING happened when I started to become friends with the Director's secretary, Bettie. We became friends and she scheduled an appointment at the Student Clinic on campus... She and I were going to help me lose weight. Which I did...
SOMETHING happened as I started working and also losing weight... I began to get attention... At one time, I remember I counted that 13 men, all married, were flirting with me whenever they saw me or would even call me. knowing I answered the phone...
SOMETHING happened to me. I became aware that I must be attractive... For the first time, I saw myself as a woman "interesting" to men...
SOMETHING happened as I was answering all calls coming into the office at that time...A man said, "Will you Jack me off? "I'm sorry sir, I don't understand you, this is Personnel"... "Will you jack me off? I repeated my question. I could understand his words but didn't know what he meant. By that time, one of the employment officers had walked into my office and was listening. The guy asked again and I responded again. Finally he hung up in frustration, I guess. It happened to be that the guy in my office was called Jack. He asked me what was said and I told him. Jack started laughing, so much that he turned and left, saying I'll talk to you later. Jack and I were about the same age, but he quickly realized that I really didn't know what the guy was saying... When I later went to his office, Jack started laughing again, which bothered me, and he handed me a piece of paper. It held a word that I did not know and he told me to look it up..."
SOMETHING was very wrong. My life had been full of what you would call, perhaps, sexual abuse... (these are just the highlights of early years) And I realized when I read the meaning of the word that I was given to look up, that I was really not prepared to work in this world... And I realized something else... Everything that had happened in my life I had judged as The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly, based upon WHO the person was... Even if what was happening probably was bad for a Christian (I was baptized at age 13), but that because I loved the person, I considered it good--playing, touching, caring...
SOMETHING happened to me and I had learned that Sex was ALWAYS going to be part of it all... It seemed that Sex was THAT important in the world, and starting with my small community and church in which I grew up...
SOMETHING happened when the METOO Movement Started. I, for the first time in my life, openly stated that I was a victim! Just like so many other women and some men...
SOMETHING happened at that time. I realized that none of my family or the church had prepared me for what had happened or even seemed to care...
SOMETHING happened when a candidate for our president, was heard to say that he could grab "me," or any woman, and they wouldn't mind because he was famous... Me and thousands spoke out telling him he was wrong!
SOMETHING HAPPENED - I SAID "NO WAY COULD HE GRAB ME AND NO WAY SHOULD HE BE PRESIDENT!"
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