Poet Adolfo Caso Visits! Yes!!!

English: The diving observation platform at Chwarel Vivian (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Adolfo Speaks of...Fear; Your Fear May Be Another

type, But His Words Speak For Us...

Fear of Diving

Adolph (Adolfo) Caso

In admiration of those,

Who,

High on protruding platforms

And without signs of fear,

Await their single moment of lift

Before their graceful swan-dives

Establish new beauty in motion

At the point

When their arms

Extend their hands into one point

And break the surface of the water

With hardly a splash,

Before the water invigorates their bodies

Being pushed towards the surface

For the needed gulps of air

From floating bubbles,

In gaining another level of freedom.

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My eyes in awe of their beauty,

I am left wonderingly envious

Whether each motion is captured

By the divers, conscious of their feat

And free from the fear of diving,

Or whether I am destined

To live with the beauty of each image

Anchored,

Deep in my psyche,

Having to endure one paroxysm after another,

Each paralyzing every cell of my body,

And,

Leaving my eyes transfixed

As if I were a remnant

Of the Petrified Forest.

Each time

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I try stepping onto a diving platform,

I am seized by an unexplainable fear

That quickly drives me away

Into a chair

Solidly nailed to the floor

By sledge hammers

Pounding into my brain

As if I were in a catatonic state

Living in the House of Usher--

Doomsday written all over my face!

Was it

The single but scar-less dive

Onto the rocky-bottom of the waterhole

Left behind by a recent rainstorm,

When only ten

With my nude companions

Frolicking about,

As though we had seen water

For the first time in our lives?

Both easy and convenient,

The explanation gives me

Neither, pause!

Nor, peace!

Nor, rest!

Nor,

Does it assuage

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This compulsive desire

Of wanting to dive,

On one hand

And being repulsed

By the very platform

That can make it possible.

This fear is in my DNA.

It is real and resolute,

Stubborn and recalcitrant,

Contradictive and unfair!

Why the two poles in this single human being?

Why the seed of this desire

That cannot be concomitantly fulfilled--

Is it just for me and within me--

This duality of poles destined

To never meet?

No! No!

This un-placating desire cannot continue

Even it means

Overcoming death’s soul,

Or,

Succumbing to it.

If I must,

I will have to dive into its soul

Regardless of consequences

To my own!

With my back to the wall,

Kids running around,

Jumping or diving into the pool at will,

My eyes are intent

On one young man

Diving off of the high board,

To the few others on the middle board

And to the several more on the lowest--

Me, un-envious of their feats,

And,

Feeling compelled to challenge my foe,

I decide to take the first step

Of resolving it,

One way or another:

Life bound to freedom

Or death to unchain my soul!

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With my secret, deep within,

Resolute,

I make my way

Past strangers and friends

To the young ones in line for their dives.

Two young girls ahead of me

Take theirs, as free spirits,

Without one thought of fear for themselves

Or awareness of the cross I am bearing.

With others behind me,

I am forced either to stay in line

Or give cowardice my face!

On the plank,

My feet turn into lead

As I approach its edge.

I stop;

Look down;

And freeze.

“Dive!” a voice comes from behind.

The surface of the water defying my eyes,

I drop,

Feet first,

Into a diving bomb noisily splashing the surface,

To the vociferous praise of friends’

Approving the result

Completely opposite of my intentions.

I feel my body stiffer,

As it paralyzes my soul’s image

In pending death.

My spectral self reveals itself

Through translucent eyes

Seen and felt only by me.

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After a pause,

I walk myself back again

As if I were an automaton

Receiving orders from a virtual command post

Beyond accessibility,

But, not beyond

That ounce

Of defiance

That lives

In every breathing heart

Of every human being

Clutching

Onto every spark

Of light-giving life!

I am determined

To dive,

Head-first,

Hands clasped together

As in the point of a javelin

On a desired trajectory,

Unconcerned on where it will land!

My feet heavy as lead at the edge of the platform,

Head first, and maybe gracelessly,

I plunge into the pool

Of water with hardly a splash--

Into water that never seemed as refreshing

And life-restoring as at this moment!

I return to my corner

Silently triumphant

And without anyone saying a word

On the secret accomplishment

Of having gained freedom,

By overcoming fear.

Joy at last!

Now, diving on the middle platform,

My body turns to the left,

With my arms stretched out

Before closing to the point on entering the water,

My movements are as smooth

As those of birds on the high seas

Diving to catch their meals below

Neither knowing the aesthetics of their dives

Nor the existence of fear.

Confidence in hand,

The highest platform remains the challenge.

Unaware of time

As though

The universe were reduced

Into the presence of a single moment

Of- or in-time,

I stand at the edge of the platform

In deep silence,

My eyes looking ahead

Not daring to look down.

Suddenly,

And,

From afar,

Somewhere in space without an azimuth

A trumpet calls retreat.

Losing consciousness, I fall into the pool,

Unaware of my body’s aesthetics

Or form of entry into the water.

Buoyed to the surface

I hear the last refrain of the trumpet:

Day’s done; another day’s ahead.

Finally, I no longer need to dive

For,

The fear that has haunted my soul

Now belongs to yesterday!

And though the sound of the retreat

Is reverberating in all the cells of my body,

My newly gained passport

Is already hearing the sounds

The bugle calling me

To Reveille!

~~~

Publisher, Branden Books, Author, Editor, Poet, and Friend if a regular contributor to Book Readers Heaven...