A Few Funny Tails To Keep You Smiling!

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Get Those Dogs Out of Our Home!

Dog Tails:
Three Humorous
Short Stories for Dog Lovers


By Tara Chevrestt


Spending a little time with dogs is difficult in my home. My Cats don't tolerate dogs visiting, so I was glad to have the opportunity to read about them--or should I say to meet them and hear their stories? For each of the three dogs share their story personally to readers. No editing by owners either, I could tell, because each had a different view of that human with whom he lived!

Take for instance, Lola, who is a Pekingese.
Or at least she once was until her disgruntled mother got it into her head to "wish" to trade places with Lola for a day...I don't know which was funnier, but if I'm made to choose, I think the human female trying to walk on four legs and not being able to talk was the winner.

After all, Lola was very intelligent and even if she awoke alongside her human father, and had quite a different body, she seemed to grasp what had happened much more quickly and get to the most important thing first...having as many dog biscuits as she wanted for breakfast...

Mommy's husband was not too thrilled with the available food though...

"Thank Dog it’s Friday" is the story of the strangest experience Lola ever had!

But then there is "Pugnacious" who is not quite happy when she is called Pudgy, which happens to be her given name, declaring that she is not fat! Her person is quite nice, though, especially since she bakes dog cookies and has Pudgy as her first taster.

Pudgy won me over with her adventure story about saving the day when a dog and his owner visited the bakery and attempted a robbery. She didn't mind the green stuff that was demanded, but when all the cookies were to be bagged up as well, Pudgy knew she had to act quickly!

But I think my heart went to Jazzy, a Japanese Chin, who on her way (unwillingly) to the groomer for a haircut, decided to run for it...but wound up saving an old blind lady! Now you have to admit, that's the top tail, right?

Readers, this is the type of book you buy just to have it for those days when you want to pick up something to read to take your mind away from something unpleasant. You know those days, right? I promise that by the time you finish reading even one or all of the stories, you will be smiling and feeling better! What more could you ask!

But...please, don't tell any of my cats the book is here in my cabin...I lose more books to those cats' claws! Ahhh...just kidding... Bring some fun into your life with Dog Tails!

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• Dog Tails by Tara Chevrestt (misfitandmom.wordpress.com)

Kierstead Writes on Work, Evolution, Lint, Boogers...and More!

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Save the Rats!
Oh, wait, does this go under Pets or Work?

The Lost Dialogues of Table 18


Kevin A. Kierstead






Reading the first book by Kierstead (I'll be reviewing three), I confess I was often thrown back into some big family get-togethers when a number of my nephews would come together and start talking. I can also remember that many times, the women in the room would yell, "oh gross..." and promptly get up to leave. We all agreed, it's a guy thing... Or, if you are a gal that enjoys weird humor...hey, go for it!

Now, I'm just going to go for the gold here folks. How often, do you consider the possibility of collecting boogers for the purpose of using them to create something? "I guarantee you that I could buy 50 lbs. of boogers for under $20 in a single day." (p. 81). Of course, the discussion didn't get deep enough to figure out how many people needed to acquire 50 lbs.

And then, I thought, there was the seasonal issue when there would be none because snot is prevalent in winter...

This small book also contains similar short essays on The Purpose of Life, Evolution, War, Pets, Men and Women, Political News, U.F.O.s, Buzz Words, Work, Bugs, Music, The Beach, Penguin, and Scam, Lint and Education. As you can see, the eclectic range of information is surely going to capture your immediate attention.

Take, for instance, Pets, which are one of my interests... This discussion started with sharing that a "Facebook" member talked about how cruel it was to put a dog to death and added photo after photo of those dogs scheduled. Now I must admit this one almost turned me off. But then, the question was broadened. Why didn't the girl post pictures of rats or snakes...for surely they had just as much right to be kept alive (especially with your money?) Still, finally, I did have to agree with the basic question...What leads an individual to take up causes such as "Save the Whales" for surely they've never met one or had one as a close friend?

Just don't say too much about cats, my personal friends...

Another topic that interested me was Work...It seems that work has been a main part of my life since I was adult. Like the woman they discussed, I Loved my job. Well, it was quickly determined that she, and I guess I, was lying...

Given what happened during the last few years of that job...I had to agree...

And then there was the dialogue on evolution. Now everybody knows that arguments go on continuously about this topic, so I wasn't expecting..."What if I told you evolution was an illusion.” (p. 13)

I didn't think I could create a good argument on that...

Because finally, I had already read “You know,” I said, “I got to thinking on the way in here; what is the purpose of life if you set aside all religions?” (p. 1)

And I realized that once I knew God, there was really not much more reason to discuss it after that...

Kevin A. Kierstead is not a standup comedian, but he was born in a distant galaxy...so that certainly explains just about everything, right? (And by the way, there's an essay about those who add "right?" or "isn't that right?" that you won't want to miss.) Highly recommended for those who enjoy humor about everyday life. A perfect gift for a brother, cousin, nephew...or your frat brother...LOL

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Review: A Festival of Skeletons - Oh My!

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A Festival of Skeletons


By RJ Astruc






OMG, what had I gotten myself into? Yes, I had accepted to read and review a new "Dark Comedic Fantasy." My first. Actually, I didn't know the specific genre since it came to be as scifi/fantasy, so I decided, what the heck... It's not that I don't enjoy laughing, but I have found that what other people find very humorous is oftentimes just not funny to me. So, as a professional reviewer, I decided to review the storyline and not worry about whether I thought it was funny--and do the best I could...

RJ Astruc is an excellent writer and I would love to see her work when she's not on a bender. What? She says that in her bio. (Check out her web site by clicking the title of this article.) So as I started to read, it was easy to become interested in the basic storyline, even if I was not even smiling at her dark comedy...but of course, as her bio claims, her husband has six nipples, so she can't have everything, right?

First of all, most of her characters are found on the front cover of her book. I found as I got further and further into the story, I would go back to check out the character and study the individual one I was reading about--she's done an excellent job of describing them in word, but her artist, Jonatan Iversen-Ejve has also done a great job of portraying them! Ok, I admit it, the characters soon grew on me, even the "merkind."

So I found myself in Kamphor. I should let you know that there is magic there and some individuals and/or merkinds have the capability to use it. Like Mr. Sink, the one on the cover in the middle holding a skull. You may immediately think he is a cross-dresser; and he has gotten to like it now, but originally, he was advised to dress lighter to deal with his issue--being able to know when somebody was going to die. Fortunately, Mr. Sink is a mortician (or did he become one because of his ability, I'm not sure)

Mr. Sink was the only one who would give employment to his two assistants. Joshua is the hunk on the left of the cover (with the "shiny" ax). Vona Urgarth is the Merkind and is very grateful for her job, given that she eats both her own kind and...whatever... One other character I'll highlight is Percy (next to Mr. Sink on the right); he's nothing special--except that he's only 17 and he can get (and does) any woman he wants. Not very long after he had met Vona, however, Percy finds he is in love, the enduring kind...

The underlying story is a whodunit! Young women are being killed and mutilated. Most have been prostitutes; however, one of Percy's lady friends is also an actress and when she had to try out for a part, she had dressed for it and mistakenly was also killed. Although his affection was now with Vona, Percy felt he had to help find her killer.

The police, specifically, Mr. Sink's neighbor Arifia Fawles (yes, she's on the cover) believes Mr. Sink and or somebody from his household, is guilty. Actually, she's way off base because Mr. Sink is trying to solve the crimes as well! There is one man who hates Mr. Sink, but who was once his assistant. He is the brother of a woman with whom Mr. Sink was in love. In fact, she had asked him to marry her, but when she kissed him, he drew back suddenly. She was so shocked that she ran from him, out the door, and was hit in an accident. Her brother, Mr. Torvault hating Mr. Sink became a mortician and opened a competitive business on the other side of town.

Now, I'm not even going to mention The Knife, who used to kill like the present deaths were being done and who had never been caught. Nor am I going to mention The Fifteen Step Program that was started by Mr. Sink's lover and now headed by Joshua--you'll see a step beginning every chapter--like, Step Fourteen: Don't turn on those who try to help you.

I'm also not going to mention the Necromancers, the box full of skeletons, The Sentinel. I'm especially not going to go into the relationship between Vona and Percy, nor that when Mr. Sink is arrested, the members of the Step Program are brought into help...

Really, I'm not going to tell you any more. You have got to read this book to believe it. So what if I didn't laugh, it was gruesome enough and unbelievably sarcastic in other spots. Anything and everything you can think of just might be in this book...

Ok, I didn't love it but I couldn't put it down--hmmm, strange...maybe the magic...

For the genre, it is an excellent addition. If you are already a fan, then ENJOY!

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Review: The Unscratchables: A New Breed is Right!

The Unscratchables:A New Breed of Crime Novel
By Cornelius Kane
Scribner
ISBN: 9781416596417
259 Pages


On the back cover of The Unscratchables by Cornelius Kane , the book is declared a “hard-bitten crime story and a sharp-fanged satire,” but I must say that my most enjoyable feelings while reading the book was a fun comedy. The satire is there, sure, but many readers that enjoy the unusual will be carefully reading every word, to enjoy how the author has wonderfully translated the human world into “animal-speak”! Sometimes I smiled, sometimes I grinned, and sometimes I even laughed as characters were described:

Pompey was a giant Neapolitan Mastiff with undershot teeth, a slobber problem, and a clouded left eye where he’d run into a stick.

I was armed with a Fido & Wesson; Lap had a small carton of full-cream milk.

Scenes were developed:

I tried to ease into the spirit but all I could think about was that someone might see me [sitting beside a cat]...all sorts of dogs were crammed in...Celebrities: Brad Pitbull, Mutt Damon, Benji Affleck...

It all started when two ‘weilers were found near Slinky Joe’s Sardine Cannery. They had been cut up pretty bad. Barnabus’s droopy basset jowls smirked as he told Crusher that his autopsy showed that the Rottweilers were killed by a cat!

Max McNash (Crusher to his friends), a bull terrier Detective in the slaughter unit in San Bernardo and Siamese Cassius Lap of the FBI (Feline Bureau of Investigation) from Kathattan are teamed when the killer is identified as a feral cat.

As murders continue, Max has little to go on. A security guard is the next killed and then a man who worked at Chumps, where pet food is made! There seemingly was no relationship between any of those who had been killed. Little by little however, Cassius was developing a theory, one that might reach into the police department itself and even higher! And even though Max hated to admit it, he was slowly growing to admire and respect Lap, even if he did use trigger commands like “Stay” and “Good” to get Max’s support.

For no matter who was dying, somebody was responsible for how the cat had been changed into this “killing machine!”

This book is great! A fun read for animal lovers especially. For those that enjoy satire of governmental plots—it’s in there! But...wait until you read why the cat killed all the dogs!

Seriously, The Unscratchables by Cornelius Kane is a great mystery and I love great mysteries...but this “new breed” of cops starring Max and Cassius is, hopefully, the beginning of a new series. I’m wondering if the author can keep his wordplay up for more books! What say you, Mr. Kane?


G. A. Bixler

Die Decorator Die: A Novel of Murder Greed and Interior Design

What a Fun Book! Die, Decorator, Die by Franklin H. Levy, is a whodunit that will keep you guessing until the very end!

“Criminal law operates in a simple world—the prosecutors and police try to put people in jail, my minions and I try to keep them out...This is how the struggle between good and evil is played out in post-Biblical times.” (p. 76)

Meet Buzz Levin, a defense lawyer who has dreams about what Clarence Darrow thinks of him as a lawyer! And thanks to his wife, Ally, he has just taken on a case that “had everything—bimbos, bodies, buggery and bail.” (p. 62)

Ally is an interior decorator, plus “Aphrodite...to his Groucho Marx.” (p. 202). So when she calls him from her work site:

“Get over here right away—somebody tried to kill Megan...Someone bashed her head in with a hammer or something. The police say we’re all suspects and you’re my alibi. Besides, the place is full of policE and there’s an ambulance, so shouldn’t there be a lawyer? (p. 33)

He responds, “I’m on the way. Don’t let anyone who looks like they can afford me confess until I get there.” (p. 33)

You got it! Almost-like-George Burns and Gracie Allen’s comic routines run throughout this novel. Yes, there’s murder and mayhem and great investigating, but the underlying comedic interplay oftentimes trumps the mystery and suspense!

Needless to say, Ally also ensures that Buzz becomes the defense lawyer for Barry, of Barry and Bruno, gay partners, the latter of which was also murdered the day Megan’s head was bashed!

I’m sorry, folks. I promise that there is an excellent whodunit full of twists and turns that will keep you guessing as to who did do it, to the very end. But you must admit that what I’ve shared ensures that this book is not just another great mystery!

Plus you get great interior decorator tips throughout the book such as:

ALLYN SAYS

The best designers make custom lamp shades which often have
a pink silk liner to soften the light.

Levy gave me more than a cozy mystery, wonderful, funny characters, a puzzling whodunit, with interior design tips. He wrapped it up in the latest fabric for a must-read!
I just know you, too, will enjoy this one!


G. A. Bixler
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