Showing posts with label Kevin A. Kierstead. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Kevin A. Kierstead. Show all posts

Friday, July 1, 2011

Interview With An Alien....

"The Blue Marble" is a famous photog...Image via Wikipedia



Name of Alt


By Kevin A. Kierstead







Something compelling happens when you start reading words written by Kevin Kierstead. I swear he must be a newspaper writer somewhere...  You may have read my reviews of his other humorous works. Name of Alt is "somewhat" more serious in nature. It is the story of Alt, an alien, an extra-terrestrial who is 172 years old. He's been appointed to share much of importance with us here on earth...

Name of Alt
What? You don't believe in life existing on other planets. Well, I'm not so sure I do either, but I try to be open-minded. After all, how many chances do you get to learn directly from an alien. Let's face it, most of what we've heard has been filtered through government sources and stifled for the most part.

After all, if it wasn't for writers such as Kierstead, where would we get any of this information? Kierstead has spent much time doing internet research and even credits NASA, The History Channel, National Geographic, Neil Commins (The Hazards of Space Travel), and Erich Anton Paul von Däniken (Chariots of the Gods) in his acknowledgments.

Alt is a Douzian Explorer. Full name Altinison Borahamen. He quickly notes that is as close as he can translate into the sounds in our world. I'll just call him Alt... Like E.T., Alt admits he's lost. Actually I have no problem when that is said. After all, our own vehicles have technical breakdowns. Why not a space ship?

I tried to picture Alt from his own description--he says he's not too different from us, except he doesn't have a nose and his hands are shaped differently with two large fingers and two thumbs. He's about 5 feet tall, so we need not be afraid, right?

Like other stories, Alt says that aliens are peaceful, while admitting that people are indeed abducted...and others have been accidentally killed while ships have been entering or exiting our oceans. What I don't understand, though, is the claim that aliens are far superior in intelligence. My own theory is that, if people who lived so far away have been there for millions of years, and we humans have not lived as long, then they have just more experience, not more intelligence...

Actually, I find it hard to accept his claim that extra-terrestrial beings have lived on this planet since before man. On the other hand, I did find the exploration of historical accounts to be comprehensive and quite interesting and informative. No, I did not previously know that Alexander the Great and his men reported that UFO's swooped down on them during battles. Nor did I know that Columbus reported seeing a UFO; of course, they didn't know that the light was really a space ship. Alt took the time to clarify this for us. You will learn of other sightings from individuals right out of our history books!

Readers will learn of space travel vehicles, cities on different planets. Perhaps most important is what aliens have to say about where we humans are heading:
There are currently three theories the Douze most often ponder when it comes to humans. First, you keep going as you are and within 100 years, destroy your climate, use up and/or fully pollute your water, and cut your population down to about ½ billion people, who will diminish quickly as they try to adapt to living with these new challenges. Second, we estimate that you get a hold of your climate problem temporarily but that your accelerating population prompts a focused space colonization effort as you sense the trouble coming on Earth, settling both Mars and the moon. Enough people will survive to continue on in both places and the search for a new Earth-like planet will be a 1,000-year goal... Our third theory is that war and man-made (and/or man-released) biological agents wipe humans out before there is time to destroy the climate. (p. 141)
Alt really does have something to tell us, doesn't he? If you want to know more, allow Kevin Kierstead to introduce you to Altinison Borahamen. He may be the only alien you may ever meet! Quite an opportunity for those readers who are interested!

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Thursday, May 19, 2011

BRH To Nominate Kevin Kierstead For Onion Vacancy...

Ozzy OsbourneImage via Wikipedia
The Unbitten Onion

Kevin A Kierstead




No, I had never heard of The Onion before reading The Unbitten Onion. For those of you who have and enjoy reading it, I recommend you consider Kevin A. Kierstead's collection of 34 "news stories!"

Ranging in content from politics to life stories, Kierstead provides readers with his unique humorous thoughts on such matters as one bored cop who arrests himself to Ozzy claiming violins are gay...

Now, according to the latest World News from the Onion:
Nation Down To Last Hundred Grown-Ups
'Mature Adults Could Be Gone Within 50 Years,' Experts Say
MAY 19, 2011 | ISSUE 47•20
I want to firmly state, without doubt, I am one of those mature adults! And I will be gone within 50 years...

The Unbitten OnionOf course, I didn't have to take such a bold position regarding some of Kierstead's news:

  • I am not prejudiced and just don't care whether violins are gay or not...
  • Personally, I feel the bored cop performed his job responsibilities quite admirably.
On other stories, I will offer the following comments:
  • No, I didn't see the late Pope at Denny's, but I do go there for great breakfasts and know that any Pope would be pleased with his breakfast if he chose Denny's over some other restaurants which I will not name...
  • I applaud the dead person who refused to speak at her funeral. She was probably relieved to finally be away from a husband who would demand she do so.
  • For the worker who was 7 minutes late and threatened with police action--better start keeping a CYA file and be prepared for what some companies do to workers these days...
  • Gallagher's going after his audience with a Sledge-o-matic didn't surprise me--that man is crazy!
  • Pearl Harbor was an accident? We should forgive and forget then, now that we know the truth.
  • The 81-year-old woman who agrees her place is in her home is undoubtedly one of those immature individuals identified by the Onion who will live long and prosper...
  • Regarding the family whose monopoly game is still going after six years--May you all get "go to jail" cards and never be able to leave...
  • All political news provided, although potentially news worthy, is being ignored on penalty of potential lawsuits and premature death (I need to live as many of those 50 years as is possible; the world needs me.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/erix/

Humor lovers-- this collection of news starts back in 2003. If you know there were things you missed during those years, you just might want to read The Unbitten Onion for Keirstead's take on many important topics from your past...

Frankly, his articles are so well written, I am amazed that he's not reporting live from The Onion--maybe a column, Kevin's Korner...

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Sunday, May 8, 2011

Kierstead Writes on Work, Evolution, Lint, Boogers...and More!

Lab RatsImage via Wikipedia
Save the Rats!
Oh, wait, does this go under Pets or Work?
The Lost Dialogues of Table 18


Kevin A. Kierstead






Reading the first book by Kierstead (I'll be reviewing three), I confess I was often thrown back into some big family get-togethers when a number of my nephews would come together and start talking. I can also remember that many times, the women in the room would yell, "oh gross..." and promptly get up to leave. We all agreed, it's a guy thing... Or, if you are a gal that enjoys weird humor...hey, go for it!

Now, I'm just going to go for the gold here folks. How often, do you consider the possibility of collecting boogers for the purpose of using them to create something? "I guarantee you that I could buy 50 lbs. of boogers for under $20 in a single day." (p. 81). Of course, the discussion didn't get deep enough to figure out how many people needed to acquire 50 lbs.

And then, I thought, there was the seasonal issue when there would be none because snot is prevalent in winter...

The Lost Dialogues of Table 18 (When Pirate Talks)This small book also contains similar short essays on The Purpose of Life, Evolution, War, Pets, Men and Women, Political News, U.F.O.s, Buzz Words, Work, Bugs, Music, The Beach, Penguin, and Scam, Lint and Education. As you can see, the eclectic range of information is surely going to capture your immediate attention.

Take, for instance, Pets, which are one of my interests... This discussion started with sharing that a "Facebook" member talked about how cruel it was to put a dog to death and added photo after photo of those dogs scheduled. Now I must admit this one almost turned me off. But then, the question was broadened. Why didn't the girl post pictures of rats or snakes...for surely they had just as much right to be kept alive (especially with your money?) Still, finally, I did have to agree with the basic question...What leads an individual to take up causes such as "Save the Whales" for surely they've never met one or had one as a close friend?

Just don't say too much about cats, my personal friends...

Another topic that interested me was Work...It seems that work has been a main part of my life since I was adult. Like the woman they discussed, I Loved my job. Well, it was quickly determined that she, and I guess I, was lying...

Given what happened during the last few years of that job...I had to agree...

And then there was the dialogue on evolution. Now everybody knows that arguments go on continuously about this topic, so I wasn't expecting..."What if I told you evolution was an illusion.” (p. 13)

I didn't think I could create a good argument on that...

Because finally, I had already read “You know,” I said, “I got to thinking on the way in here; what is the purpose of life if you set aside all religions?” (p. 1)

And I realized that once I knew God, there was really not much more reason to discuss it after that...

Kevin A. Kierstead is not a standup comedian, but he was born in a distant galaxy...so that certainly explains just about everything, right? (And by the way, there's an essay about those who add "right?" or "isn't that right?" that you won't want to miss.) Highly recommended for those who enjoy humor about everyday life. A perfect gift for a brother, cousin, nephew...or your frat brother...LOL

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