Showing posts with label suicide. Show all posts
Showing posts with label suicide. Show all posts

Friday, April 25, 2025

Fragile Cord by Emma Salisbury - Book 1 of DS Coupland Series - Set in Salford/Manchester Area, United Kingdom

 She remembered a novel she’d read in her teens, Anna Karenina by Tolstoy. The opening line: Happy families are all alike, but an unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. The words had always struck her...


‘Don’t you see it’s my penance, Kevin,’ Joe had explained once, ‘for not doing anything to save the men that perished on my ship? For not being around to protect my Marie and Sophie?’ He’d dismissed the detective’s logical reasoning, that he’d been suffering from shock during the aircraft attack, that he’d not been in a fit state to help anyone. And again, when he’d been committed to hospital following his breakdown, the events that led to the hit and run had been beyond his control. ‘Doesn’t make it any easier to bear though, eh?’ he’d said simply. Coupland had merely shaken his head. He knew how slowly time passed for the grieving.
‘You know, I’m not convinced,’ Joe began evenly, once their breakfast plates had been cleared away and he’d wrapped up the left-over toast in his paper serviette for later, sliding it into the pocket of his hand-me-down jacket. Even on summer days he wore it, wouldn’t take it off his back. True meaning of the capsule wardrobe, he’d explained with a laugh, and Coupland knew in that moment that Joe would never return to a normal life, that he was intent on serving his penance. 
‘Just how reliable is the information you have regarding this woman’s state of mind?’ ‘Well, like I said,’ Coupland replied, ‘the reports we’ve had back don’t flag up any areas for concern.’ ‘Maybe not,’ Joe countered, ‘but I’m telling you, the clues will be there… This young mother was deeply troubled by something she felt she needed to protect her son from. Something big enough to justify her actions – to herself anyway. Something she felt unable to share with anyone else.’ He paused, his eyes shutting down as though he was looking inside himself for the answer. ‘Do you think she was mad?’ Coupland asked. Joe rolled his eyes towards the ceiling, shaking his head. ‘How the hell would I know?’ he reasoned. ‘I’m a walking talking Looney Toon, but I recognise the actions of a desperate person, someone afraid to unburden their fears in case they are judged. It’s a typically British trait, stiff upper lip and all that… Realising you suffer from a mental illness is terrifying,’ he said purposefully, ‘it’s not just a condition, it’s a definition. It becomes who you are, or at least who the outside world thinks you are. From then on in, every action or reaction you have is put down to your illness and there is nothing you can do about it.’ He paused; spread his calloused hands flat on the surface of the table. There was dirt under his fingernails and they were broken. Tell-tale nicotine stains on the index finger of his right hand. On his left hand, scratched and battered out of shape, was a wedding ring. ‘I tried so hard to stay well for my Marie. She was struggling to cope with the little one and me. I’m sure there were days when she thought her life would have been easier if I hadn’t been discharged, or better still, if I’d been killed on that ship. The burden of caring for me was tearing her apart.’ He paused. ‘The nightmares I had about the ship being hit and the burning bodies didn’t stop.’ He looked across the table at Coupland. ‘The nightmares have never stopped, Kevin, I just learned to stop talking about them…’ ‘Didn’t medication help?’ ‘I don’t want a life of numbness!’ Joe spat. ‘I want to grasp life by the thorns until my hands bleed – isn’t that what I deserve?’ He looked down at his wedding ring, traced the edges of it with the index finger on his right hand. His voice shook when he spoke next. ‘It’s a fragile cord that binds us to sanity, Kevin, and wouldn’t we do everything in our power to cling onto that?’ 
Coupland said nothing. It was as though the life-force that had propelled him to the café that morning had finally deserted him. His shoulders looked a good couple of inches lower than when he’d first sat down. Joe leaned back on his plastic chair, studying Coupland as though he were an exhibit in a zoo. ‘What’s wrong?’ he probed. ‘What do you mean?’ ‘You’ve been on edge since we got here, like the past twenty minutes have been a warm up to something else, something bigger. I thought maybe you were building yourself up to it. Are Complaints on your back again?’ ‘No.’ ‘Then what? You’ve listened to me drone on enough about my problems in the past, if there’s something bothering you,’ Joe opened his arms expansively, ‘I’ve got all day.’ ‘Lynn’s got cancer.’ Even as he said the words aloud he didn’t quite believe them. His mouth filled with bile and his eyes felt as though a thousand needles were pressing into them. He swallowed down the sour tasting liquid, blinking his eyes several times in succession. ‘And all the time I was worried that she was upset with me over something I’d done.’ He slammed his fist down hard on the table, his action barely drawing a glance from the guy behind the counter. ‘I was too far up my own backside to realise something serious was troubling her. I took her moodiness to be her way of punishing me. I never gave a moment’s thought that she might be ill.’ When he’d drawn level with her the evening before at the hospital’s main entrance, she’d introduced him to a consultant whose name for the life of him he still couldn’t remember, all he could think of was bastard. She was leaving him for a colleague and for some reason that was beyond him she thought it was helpful that he met the man who would replace him in their bed. Strangely, Dr Bastard didn’t look very smug at bagging himself a stunner. In fact he looked pained, as though he’d rather be anywhere but here with his new girlfriend and her fat husband. They’d both looked at him then, as though he’d spoken aloud. ‘Kevin?’ Lynn whispered. She had that look in her eye when she wanted him to do something he was dead set against. ‘Nick has just asked if he can have a word, his consulting room is on the ground floor, just past the lifts.’ Good for him. ‘It’s more private there,’ Dr Bastard added. They turned in unison as though they’d been practising and walked back into the hospital leaving Coupland with little option but to follow. He remembered he’d left the car in a disabled parking spot and the wardens round here were like Nazis. He shrugged. Bring it on. The corridor was longer than Lynn had implied. Coupland found himself taking a left past the café and WH Smith then a right along a row of closed doors before slowing in a department signposted Oncology. Dr Bastard removed a bunch of keys from his pocket and unlocked his office, ushering Coupland and Lynn in ahead of him before asking them to take a seat on the two chairs in front of his desk. Funny how Lynn chose to sit beside Coupland rather than stand beside her new fella, Coupland observed, old habits die hard, he supposed. The consultant took his seat and began talking once more; only Coupland found himself having to concentrate really hard to keep up. ‘I’ve known Lynn for a number of years, worked with her back in the early days before we both moved into our specialisms…’ So what? Was he trying to justify their attraction for one another, rationalise it as something inevitable between good friends? Coupland glanced at Lynn suspiciously; she dropped her gaze but was leaning towards him to take hold of his hand. He knew at that moment that something was badly wrong, he just didn’t know what. He felt like he wanted to empty his bowels. Now it was Lynn’s turn to speak. ‘I wanted to be sure before I said anything, wanted to be done with the tests so I could tell you facts, not suspicions.’ Christ, you could tell she was a copper’s wife. ‘But even then I couldn’t bring myself to do it. You’d think being in the trade I’d know how to handle breaking bad news but that just isn’t true. For two nights on the run I’ve sat at my mum’s with a bottle of wine but by the time I got home I took one look at you and couldn’t bring myself to say the words.’ ‘What words?’ Coupland asked slowly, already fearing the worst. ‘Lynn has breast cancer,’ Dr Bastard told him, following it with a barrage of facts about survival rates and treatments, but all Coupland could hear was the sentence no one had spoken out loud yet. Lynn was going to die. When Coupland looked up Joe was standing beside him, his hand gripping his shoulder as though they were on the edge of a cliff and Joe was trying to prevent him from jumping. ‘I’m sorry,’ Joe said. 
Coupland’s throat was sore, as though he’d swallowed a bag of razor blades. He merely nodded, pushing himself to his feet so that the two men were standing eye to eye. ‘How the hell will I cope without her?’ ‘She’s not gone yet. You need to be strong. For Lynn, for Amy, but most importantly, for yourself.’ ‘What if I can’t cope?’ ‘You won’t have a choice,’ Joe answered.

~~~
I was happy to have started reading this series from book 1. It is a long series and I doubt if I can take the time to continue reading, but I can already say that I recommend this book and the series... It is both well written, but, more, has provided an excellent base upon which readers will be able to move forward, knowing what to expect. Detective Sergeant Coupland is the main character... He's an interestng character who is constantly struggling with the world as it exists--for him... He had worked himself up to his present position, Detective Sergeant, but he knew he would be stopped from moving upward from there--he'd gotten a bit rough with a suspect years ago and would never get promoted further. And, he's also concerned about his home life, but, most of it is his own imagination, while his wife is dealing with a serious health issue that she has not told him about yet. Probably not a good decision on her part, but communication seems always to be a problem, especially for those in law enforcement. Everybody knows Joe is an ex-soldier, as he still carries himself like one and maintains a keen intellect, but has decided he is to do penance for the rest of his life, for all those he was involved with, who didn't make it... Hopefully, this will change in the future, since Coupland has asked him to help work on his garden at home when he's able...
Salisbury presents an interesting twist as she presents a number of different cases, while at the same time, multiple officers, suspects, and affected individuals are carried forward on an ongoing basis with Coupland keeping on top of everything. We know he's a good and caring cop, especially when he becomes friends (trying to help him) with a veteran, Joe, with PTSD as well as suffering through the loss of his family. Coupland seems to be well respected by his staff, including a young female officer who is quite good and with whom he has become close. She does a lot of his detail work, sometimes begrudgingly, but nevertheless does it because she knows it's important.

Was this apathy because parents viewed their children as their personal property, to do with as they wished? Free to harm their own but woe betide a stranger try to? She shook her head, unable to accept that thought. It occurred to her that, for a nation of animal lovers, the collective treatment of our children came in a poor second.

As a psychological suspense novel that hones in on a tragic murder/suicide within a family. It's the type of case that has affected everybody, including the husband who is the only remaining family member. The reason for what occurred takes up most of the book as everybody "needs" to know why a pregnant mother with one son, would first, kill her son and then hang herself... The scope of the work of the police is unbelievable, as they examine even the rope used, bringing in an expert to learn what type of rope it is and why it normally wouldn't be used for this...

Readers are given almost the entire book to consider the "whys" that could have caused this horrendous action. My guess was fairly close, but the actual reason requires a move into personal history of the involved... 

At the same time, a knife killing has set the area into a state of fear, with a call that knives cannot be carried on the streets... Unfortunately, this includes two young girls who enjoyed the thrill of theft, and more...

It was not surprising that Coupland had begun to think about whether it was even worth working in law enforcement, when it never seemed to end--don't we all know that! Still, through fiction, we look toward police procedural novels and other types of stories that places the good guys fighting against the bad guys... Most of us can't...stop...hoping...


They had been too late. They were detectives, but they didn’t detect anything. They merely picked up the pieces, after the tragedy, time after time after time. Despite the fact that it kept him in work Coupland hated that bad things would always keep on happening. He’d once asked Joe, who had suffered enough hardship to last a lifetime, why this was so. It was the only time he recalled his friend stalling; it seemed for once he didn’t have an answer, yet it was surely something he’d thought about, a dark voice that counselled him in moments of doubt. They’d been sitting on a bench in Light Oaks Park, working their way through Joe’s roll-ups as they watched a group of small boys play football, the air thick with concentration. They’d trudged along a well-worn path over lawns displaying signs to keep off the grass. Joe’s face was covered in a sheen of sweat, but from exertion, not anxiety. It was hard to imagine he’d been up three nights in a row, unable to cope with the recurring nightmares of his last moments on ship, of the last time he’d seen Marie and Sophie. He’d blown smoke rings into the air, the corners of his eyes crinkling at a passing toddler who ambled John Wayne style beside her mother. The child slowed by the bench and pointed at the exhaled smoke, mesmerised by the cloudy patterns, her rosebud lips shaped into a perfect ‘O’. Joe pulled the edge of his mouth into a smile, turned to Coupland just as a cheer broke out and someone shouted Goal! Maybe bad things occur, he’d answered slowly, because it’s the only way we can recognise good when it happens.
~~~

GABixlerReviews



Saturday, July 22, 2017

Fantastic YA-Adult Story by Staci Stallings - Whisper If You Have To: A Contemporary Christian Romance

“You ready for this?” Kyle asked when Chad slid into the front seat of the little four-door car. It wasn’t great, but it ran. And it was better than walking. 
“I was born ready.”  Chad shifted his attention to the back. 
“Hey, Brooke.” 
“Hey,” she said, but never really lifted her head. Kyle’s younger sister, Brooke, was never without a book in hand. So close in age, they were more like twins, the two of them were never far out of sight of one another even though they ran in completely different circles. Kyle, the school’s jock premier, was only eleven months and three weeks older than his little sister, and although Brooke’s taste ran more toward choir and books than basketball and baseball games, she never missed a one. 
Chad angled his gaze over his shoulder again as they pulled away from his house. “Are you studying already? School hasn’t even started yet.” 
“Finishing up her summer college credit thing,” Kyle supplied. “She may beat us to graduation.” Lifting his chin, Chad nodded in understanding. 
Kyle glanced across the seat to his friend. “So, senior year…” “Yeah.” Chad took a breath to steady the thought. “Who would’ve thought?”
...It was about five minutes after her mother dropped her off that Alison first had the thought, but it would be a million times after that one that the thought would attack her. Jefferson High was nothing like St. Ann’s. Nothing. 
Jostled in the hallways until she thought her brains would rattle free, Alison diligently worked through her schedule.  Trig, History, Computer something, French. She was in the courtyard at lunchtime, sitting up next to a pillar eating her chicken salad sandwich before she really realized there was no religion on her schedule. Perusing it again, she confirmed the fact with a munch into her sandwich. That would be strange. She’d had religion every single day for four years, and now suddenly it wasn’t anywhere on the list. Her gaze took in her final three classes—Physics, English, and Choir. Besides the Physics part, she was kind of looking forward to the rest of the day. Okay, so she would spend it alone as part of the wall like she had the first part, but at least she liked those classes. 
She let her head fall back onto the hard, scratchy pillar behind her and let the warm sun soak into her. Happy noises that she would never be a part of drifted around her, and she let those soak into her as well. Nobody had to tell her the loneliness this year would hold. She knew it when her dad announced the move back in July, and for all intents and purposes, she had already lived with the loneliness for the better part of five years. 
At that thought she yanked her head up. Dwelling on things that would never change no matter how much she wanted them to did no good. That much she had learned. Move on. Move on, and don’t look back. Pushing to her feet, she crumpled the bag and tossed it into a nearby trashcan. One swipe on her light blue straight skirt, and she yanked her backpack up from its resting place. Onward and upward. At least that’s what she hoped. 
“You headed to English?” Kyle asked, clapping Chad on the back as he leaned over to get a drink in the fountain. He stood to straight, wiping the water that had jumped onto his face. “Yeah. You?” 
“You know it.” Together they started down the hall.  “So, you going to the gym after school?” Chad asked. 
“Na, I figured we’d go to my place. The gym’s going to be a mob scene with all the wanna be’s.” 
“Cool.” Chad followed Kyle into the English classroom and right to the back where he slid into the desk right in front of his friend. “You got much homework?” 
“As little as possible.” The bell rang just as Mrs. Whitman entered. Chad sat up a little straighter. He’d waited three long years to get this teacher. She was the coolest of the cool, not because she goofed off but because she didn’t. However, that didn’t mean Mrs. Whitman’s class was boring. No, instead she was quite famous for her unorthodox teaching style...
“Let’s start over here in the corner. Oh.” She stopped with a jerk when she looked at Alison. Tilting her head, the confusion was evident. 
“And you are?” Alison cleared her throat but it didn’t do much good. “Al… Alison Prescott.” 
The teacher turned her roll around, located the name, and smiled. “Well, Miss Prescott, it’s great to have you aboard. Come on up, and get us started.” 
...Alison ducked her head to keep from staring at the two guys presently standing at the teacher’s desk. The white guy had longish blond-streaked hair that brushed the tops of his dark eyebrows in the front and the top half of his collar in the back. His smile was nice, but what she noticed most was the faded jeans ripped just so and the light blue knit jersey that set off his eyes. Something about them screamed, look how cool I am.
Just in front of him, talking to the teacher, was the black guy, leaning in to sign the roll—obviously a regular in the gym. His arm muscles rippled in perfect proportion down to his long fingers. He seemed as if nothing in the world ever had been or would ever be a problem. In a dark gray “Rock On” T-shirt, he looked the embodiment of cool confidence. The conversation came to an end, and the two made their way back to the back corner...
~~~

With all the turmoil happening in America right now, I found I needed to withdraw and pull away from the chaos coming out about our government at this time...

I scrolled through my options and pulled up a book by Staci Stallings, a Christian writer who I've accepted as a favorite for sharing God's love through her wonderful stories. This time, though, I got much more than solace, a time to watch as God could work in each of our lives...

Whisper If You Have To is


Powerfully Spirit Filled!
Timely For Today's World!

This book, for me, felt as if God had outlined the major issues we need to be reminded of today: racism, depression, pressure to succeed above everything, suicide, money, prayer-communication with God, and teen peer pressure...All that in one unforgettable story that is suitable for young adults and above. The two main characters are teenagers, but the adults and their roles play important parts as well. It is a book I immediately wanted to share with my niece...it's a beautiful love story of two teenagers from different cultures but who, readers begin to realize, are soulmates in the truest sense of the word... I loved this book and add it as a personal favorite for all time...

Alison and Chad met the first day in their English class, where they were immediately swept into a partnership on their first assignment. 

Alison had come from a religious girls-only school; her clothes were so different that, though she tried to be invisible, it didn't work? Who still wore straight skirts and blouses, with the same white sweater over her blouse every day. From the very first moment, Alison had noticed the two friends, one white, one black. After all, just looking at them and seeing the reactions of the others around them, Alison knew they were elite guys, probably even athletes, sure to never look her way... Still, they were soooo cool!

It was clear to Chad that Alice was new to school and was painfully shy in meeting others. Even after being matched for their assignment, Alison kept her head down, with her hair covering her face, until she was forced to deal with him...On the other hand, Alison wasn't about to allow him to know she was practically swooning and couldn't dare look into his eyes without totally embarrassing herself...

And so it began... While this is placed in the romantic genre, I would say that it fits more in family drama because it certainly is not just a "love story." First, neither Alison nor Chad shared anything about their personal lives, afraid to reveal just how different they probably were. It was Chad's friends, Kyle and Brooke, brother and sister, who little by little pulled them into their family life. 

Due to the complexity and interrelationship of the various plots, I've decided not to share much of the actual storyline. I do, want to highlight, however, the very awesome and amazing spiritual warfare scenes this book provides! I was gratified to see them included in a teen book especially to help our young people learn to pray and act on behalf of both their own needs as well as their peers. Kudos to the author for a truly inspiring novel that speaks, well, to the contemporary world in which we live... 

This is a personal favorite selection for me and, in my opinion, I have to call it a Must-Read novel! Buy it for your teenager children and read it yourself...then talk about it! There is soooo much in this book that responds to questions we all have. It's great to have such an excellent model against which a needed discussion could very well begin...


GABixlerReviews

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Dan Andrews' Sons of Suicide True Story Valuable Self-Help...


"Lying on the ghastly green carpet in the basement, after I got home from Gamerz Garage one day, I was going though a baby-blue gift bag that contained all of the letters from the funeral and my Mom's suicide letters. From the old eighties stereo and speaker system, Harry Nilsson's album "Nilsson Schmilsson" played from the speakers...I could see her face as she hugged me goodnight before she left to die. It was dark in my room. As her image left me, the light coming from the living room left her only as a silhouette in my mind. My Mom smiled and often pretended she was happy, but I could still see her sadness laking through...I let her leave. I could have stopped her if only I knew...
"Curled up in the fetal position holding my Mom's suicide letters, I screamed and cried along with Mr. Nilsson. His words were probably written about a lost lover, but to me they described the last night I saw my Mom alive. Screaming along in that moment, I simply wanted to die. I just wanted to die...My dad heard my screaming and came down to see what was wrong. Finding me on the floor, he grabbed me and held me close..."

Sons of Suicide

By Dan Andrews


This non-fiction book written in memoir style is and can be, in my opinion, a wonderful self-help book for teens and adults alike. This young man has learned much during his life, albeit due to a tragedy that he should never have been forced to bear. Although there are issues that readers may not totally agree with, there is an earnest effort to share how he made it through...his mother's suicide...

There are many single-parent families in America. Some made that way through tragedy, others through divorce. It is practically impossible to predict how children in those families will react and adjust. While our hearts go out to the author, I want to note that, having never known my father, I found much to consider myself and I believe many other readers will find this true. Do not let the title and situation prevent you from considering this revealing and poignant personal story. I believe you will find something that will speak to you...

One of the issues that bothered Dan was that his mother had been on anti-depressant and other types of medication. Apparently she had worried somewhat about them since Dan found a letter from a drug company referring her to her psychiatrist...the one who had been diagnosing her medications! Needless to say, Dan believes this led to her suicide...

"Tears fell with the casket into the earth. In the
corner of my eye they pooled, threshold reached,
down my cheek they fell, one after the other. The
casket descended deeper, past the roots, past the
earth escorted by insects, covered in beautiful,
living, roses of different colors. Each saline drop
carried with it my sanity, as I was drawn into
hysteria. I wasn't only weeping for her. It was
everyone, My Mom, my brother, my dad,
everyone that I loved. That day, I attended two
funerals. One was Mom's, and the other was
mine. The old Dan Andrews was buried with
her. I do not regard myself as the same person
I was when my Mom was alive. In my mind, they
have become two different lives I have led..."
"The old Dan Andrews died on June 11th, 2003..."
It was not surprising the Dan often got into trouble during his school years, yet he looked to and got support from several teachers. Drugs, drinking were tried, but fortunately he got over that and is still hoping that his brother will do the same...

Often, though, he was caught fighting--defending his mother's memory. And we realize once again how cruel so many are, even as children...  Fortunately he found a place, a local garage, where he could find older men to talk with, to have fun in a safe environment...

And he also received true friendship and unconditional love from Enzo!

Later, he got into music,
especially heavy metal, finding many of the words, which were so hard to understand for many, speaking to him...

Physical activities also helped with his stress, and he loved getting into weights, bench-pressing and gymnastics...

I appreciated how the author wove his personal goals and reactions into his life story, for I know that many will feel a connection via his sharing as well...

And how depressing thoughts of being totally alone...of losing everybody he loved...came to him often...

One of the stories that hit me was about Dan's story of getting tattoos. He had gotten the idea from an Indian folktale:
"The chief said, "Every one of us has two wolves in our lives.


http://basicgoodness.com/2011/the-black-wolf-and-the-white-wolf/
One wolf lives on your left shoulder, and this is the black wolf. The black wolf is constantly telling us to procrastinate, put off the hard work until later, to indulge and need forgiveness.

"The wolf that lives on our right shoulder is the white wolf. This is the one that is always  telling us to work tirelessly toward what our heart most desires..." I've know this savage pull, haven't you? Dan's choice made perfect sense to me...

As did the other one that looks something like the cover of his book...I think you'll understand as well as you read...

One of the things that personally bothered me was Dan's reaction: "The first funeral I ever went to in my life was hers. I couldn't help but think that both God and my Mom had abandoned me... I know, however, that this young man will eventually find his own answer to his thoughts:
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Sunday, February 10, 2013

Short Excerpt - Poetry - by Dan Andrews, Author, Sons of Suicide...

Surreality

It's all so unreal to me.
My feet feel like slippers.
My head pulses with overwhelming sense
and lack of it.
I just wanted you to be here.
And here I am looking at the skyline alone.
I brought everything I am with me.
The east looks so warm and ready,
The west never looked so longing and black.
There's no such thing as dark.
The light ruins it.
I laid down, just to watch it.
The clouds are a constant in these moments.
This moment, the moments I dream of all of you.
And everything I had done before.
I saw you sitting next to me.
Wondering what you would do if you actually were.
Would you be quiet and just look up and enjoy it?
Or would you say something?
Say something to make this seem real.
I swear I've done it all.
And all I wanted was to sit up here
with you...once...
~~~



The author, Dan Andrews, has pledged for every copy of Sons of Suicide that is sold, one dollar out of his personal royalty will be donated to The Will To Live Foundation click for more information about this wonderful organization that is spreading awareness and helping with the teen suicide epidemic. Purchase today to help put an end to suicide.

Dan Andrews


Book Readers Heaven Review Coming  This Week...


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Tuesday, May 17, 2011

We All Must Walk Our Own Road...

Country RoadImage via Wikipedia
Ghellow Road


A literary diary of 
young girl's 
journey


By T. H. Waters


There's no doubt that we each must walk our own life roads. For many, the roads run parallel to those walked by our family, our peers and while unique, we never learn the full story of that journey. The road traveled by T. H. Waters was not similar to ours. "Compelled to write this book based upon the unique experiences of her youth, she is grateful for the privilege of finally being able to live out loud." (p. 291)

Ghellow Road
Ghellow Road is Theresa's story, written in novel form. It flows from the time she was a child, happy with her mother and father and older brother. Her father was a teacher at a local school and spent much time with his children, sharing and exploring.

She was 5 when the first trauma occurred--finding her mother sobbing, her mother starting to withdraw from the family and their activities, spending most of her time in bed. However, when her mother needed to be hospitalized, it started a change of life for the entire family.

For a few times when her mother went to the hospital, her father's mother came to stay with them and take care that the children's life remain fairly stable. But a time came when that wasn't possible and both children were placed in foster care--the worst kind--where the parents were in it for the money and did little to actually care for the children.

Even when her mother came home, she was not the same woman. In fact, she had been diagnosed with schizophrenia and would never be the same again. "My mother...forever the delicate rose of spring, the youthful flower caught in a late, unexpected frost before she ever had the chance to unfurl her velvety petals and become the beauty she was meant to be. She remained eternally lost in the prison of her own mind...she remained eternally lost to me." (p. 263)

Fortunately for a number of years, their father was able to hold the family together. But then he lost his job, taking any job he could find to keep them going, but he also became despondent. He started spending all his time in the basement, forbidding anybody to invade the area where he said he was building a boat. Theresa one day coaxed her brother to go see the boat while their father was out. When he came back unexpectedly, Theresa childishly blamed their invasion on her brother. He was beaten horribly and soon left home, never to return.

And then Theresa's father committed suicide..."It is disturbing how the emotion from a single event, frozen in time, can conquer you so completely. It gnaws at your innards like a starved coyote, always wanting more than you have to give. We all became victims of Daddy's assault upon himself that day... A crucial piece of myself remained back in the bloody aftermath...slashing a wound that the hands of time would never be able to mend..." (P. 114)

And thereafter began a nomadic life for Theresa as she was shuffled from family to family or to friends' homes, rarely to have a location she could call her "home."

Readers will see a young woman who grew strong, yet defiant. One who was brave, yet afraid of what was going to happen next. Her story takes us through those traumatic teen years where finding and having friends to her meant the only family environments in which she was welcomed. Her mother had moved and left one grandmother behind, moving to live with and then near her parents. While her grandfather was wonderful, her new grandmother was not interested in developing a loving relationship with Theresa... And then her mother started dating and finally remarried. But that did not result in a new, loving home...

T. H. Waters writes her losses, her life, in beautiful words that compell readers to continue reading. However, this is not a heartwarming story even though there are parts that will touch your heart. This is a story of the spirit of children, of hope, of endurance... There is much you can learn from Ghellow Road if you open your heart and mind. Perhaps the most important being "to live out loud..." Highly recommended.

Book Received
from Author


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Saturday, August 14, 2010

Review: Modern Day Prodigal Son Story Creates Heartwarming Novel!

Return of the prodigal sonImage via WikipediaFrom The Dead

By John Herrick


Segue Blue
ISBN: 9780982147016
376 Pages

Finalist – 2010 Next Generation Indie Book Awards



"That's what faith is: believing before you see it, knowing in your heart it's there, even if it's not evident to your eyes." (P.284)








From The DeadJesse Barlow was just 18 when he left his Ohio home to become an actor in California. He found his way there and did get a few walkon parts through the years. He worked in a photo shop and had become quite a good photographer--enough to get a few jobs taking pictures. But, his girlfriend continued to bring in more money than he did; in fact, he was living in "her" apartment.

But Jesse had become restless; he had lived with Jada for years and yet they had never grown closer. They had agreed at the start of the relationship that there would be no marriage, no children. It was no longer enough for Jesse. Perhaps it was because his career had never taken off and, in fact, his agent had withdrawn from representing him.

There was only one offer left for him to consider to get a part in a movie; he finally took it, only to have it backfire. Then he learned that Jada was seeing somebody else and asked him to leave. Nobody knew that he had also failed at suicide...

Jesse had kept in touch with his sister, so when he had no place else to go except back to Ohio, he went first to see Eden. Their father was a minister; while there had been some telephone contact between he and Jesse, they had not seen each other for eleven years. When Eden offered her spare bedroom, Jesse gladly accepted. However, he did go visit with his father and even asked him for a job. He was given a job in the maintenance of the church. For Jesse, though, who had begun to feel the peace of being home again, even cleaning a row of toilets was something that worked to help clear his mind.

Eden had immediately encouraged Jesse to contact his old girlfriend, Caitlin. Finally, he felt ready to see her, but then was totally blown away when he learned that she had never aborted their child as they had agreed, before he left home. Jesse, who had been thinking about having children, was to meet his ten year old son, Drew.

So many secrets had been kept. None of Jesse's family had known about Drew. Caitlin's family had forced her to leave when she wanted to keep the baby, and had raised Drew completely on her own. Now she was being very careful--she wasn't willing to trust Jesse in the role of father...

But Jesse had kept his secrets as well. Nobody would ever know about the suicide attempt or about some health issues that had begun while he was still in California. And now that secret could very well cost him his life. And he had figured out how to handle things to move toward his death...

The drama of the Prodigal Son has always captured many of us in its simplicity, but yet the strong emotional response it brings about. When Jesse Barlow becomes the Prodigal Son and is wonderfully accepted and loved once again, how much more he must do for the Prodigal Son's Son. John Herrick has created a modern-day story that readers will find as a thrilling reminder of a father's love. A joyful reunion, fear, forgiveness and divine love creates a memorable, heartwarming experience that I highly recommend to all! Don't miss the opportunity to read From the Dead by John Herrick.

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G. A. Bixler






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Thursday, July 8, 2010

Review and Excerpt! Do You Like to Start From The Beginning Of A Series! I Do!

Poison Pen: A Forensic Handwriting Mystery
The Claudia Rose Series!


Poison Pen by Sheila Lowe



Chapter 1

“No, girlfrien’.” The woman gave an emphatic shake of her head that set elaborately beaded braids swirling. “Dat was not her way. Not suicide.”

Claudia Rose figured her for around thirty. High cheekbones in a strikingly handsome face, café au lait skin, athletic frame in a casually elegant Chanel suit. The lilt in her voice suggested West Indies.

Her companion was Wal-Mart Goth. A girl about eighteen in tight, low slung jeans and a brief top that showed off a pierced navel. Unnaturally black hair cut short and spiky. A tattoo decorated her upper chest: seven daggers thrust into a bloody heart. In the dry-eyed designer-clad crowd, she stood out like a dot of spaghetti sauce on a white dress, weeping into a soggy tissue as though her heart were broken.

“Stop your cryin’.” There was a sharp edge in the beaded woman’s order.

“But I’m scared,” the girl said, dashing Claudia’s sympathetic assumption that her tears were for Lindsey Alexander, the woman they had come to bury.

“You should be scared, girlfrien’!”

“The cops…said…she killed herself.”

“De cops! I am tellin’ you, girl, before she come to dis earth, dat one make a pac’ with God how she will go out, and it is not like dis.”

“But it could have been an accident...couldn’t it?”

“An acci-dent?” the older woman’s tone echoed scornful disbelief. “I say someone do her in. Now you stop it, girl! You are makin’ a scene.”

A muddy trail of mascara dribbled down ashy pale cheeks. The tissue shredded and the girl switched to the back of her bare arm.

Claudia dug a clean tissue from her purse and leaned forward to offer it. The girl turned, snatched the tissue with the suspicious glare of a feral cat, and wadded it against the one in her hand. She blew her nose with a loud, wet snuffle, pushed the waterlogged mess into her Levis pocket, then hurried off without a word. Flicking an annoyed glance at Claudia, the older woman followed.

Claudia lifted a brow at her friend, Kelly Brennan, who had also observed the exchange with interest. “Think she could be right?”

“What, that someone killed Lindsey?” Kelly snorted rudely. “Why not? I wanted to kill her myself. Not only me. Everyone hated her.”

“That’s cold, Kel. I don’t think anyone hated her enough to kill her.”

There was a short silence. Then Kelly said so softly that Claudia almost didn’t hear it, “I did.”

“You did what? Hate her enough to kill her? There’s a pretty big leap to actually doing it, which is what those women were talking about. Anyway, there was a suicide note, remember?”

Kelly shrugged. “I guess that was good enough for the cops. I wish you could’ve taken a look at it.”

Claudia pursed her lips, nodding agreement. Yes, she would definitely have liked to see the note that had been found on the floor beside Lindsey’s bathroom Jacuzzi. What handwriting analyst wouldn’t?

Handwriting had been Claudia’s passion since childhood, her career for more years than she cared to count. And it had created the bond between Claudia and Lindsey in college. Both psychology majors, they had opted to specialize in handwriting analysis. Kelly, who had been Claudia’s best friend since the first day of kindergarten, had started out with them, but had gone on to Southwestern and now practiced family law.

They had been close friends, Claudia, Kelly, and Lindsey. It seemed a lifetime ago. Then Lindsey had seduced one of Kelly’s boyfriends. The first time, she’d seemed genuinely contrite.

But over the years, the backstabbing had escalated, until finally, her acts of treachery went beyond the point of forgiveness and tore the friendship apart. What a hypocrite, I am, Claudia thought. Attending the funeral of someone I didn’t like or respect. What the hell am I doing here?

Exhuming memories better left buried.

She turned to view the fans and paparazzi waiting at the bottom of the hill, an unruly mob decked out in bright T-shirts and shorts, floppy hats, and sunshades, crowding around the largest pair of wrought iron gates in the world.

Forest Lawn Memorial Park. As a stately convoy of limousines made the turn into the wide driveway the mob overflowed onto Glendale Avenue, calling out to the limos, hoping for a glimpse of their favorite stars through darkened windows.

“This whole damn thing is a Hollywood cliché,” Claudia muttered, leaning close to Kelly’s ear so that no one else might hear.

Kelly made a sound that might have been agreement and said, “So, where else would you expect Lindsey to be buried?”

“Good point.”

Forest Lawn, where burial plots had names like Babyland, Graceland, and Sweet Memories. Where reproductions of famous statues and other works of art were offered for sale. Where more Hollywood celebrities were buried than anywhere else in the world. Not that Lindsey herself had been a celebrity, of course. Having dropped out of handwriting analysis after a few years, she had turned to the public relations field where she could be nearer the limelight. After reaching the height of her career as a publicist, she’d been
content to make her famous clients the main attraction.

Kelly stared over the tops of her Gabbana shades at the platoon of CHiPs in golden helmets and jackboots handling crowd control. Petite, girlish for her thirty-nine years, Kelly had eyes the special blue of a summer sky, fringed by artificially long, dark lashes. Her hair was a cap of curls, currently blonde, trimmed a half-inch from her head. She was wearing a little black number that Claudia had last seen on her at a nightclub.

Kelly’s eyes turned to a limo easing to the curb fifteen feet away from them. Six matching hunks climbed out, their movements as practiced as if they had rehearsed for a major production.

“Ho-ly shit,” she breathed. “Talk about star-studded.”

Every last one of Lindsey’s pall bearers was GQ cover material. They gathered behind the hearse and lifted the satin-rubbed mahogany casket to their shoulders, well-toned abs flexing beneath coats designed by Armani, Canali, and Zegna.

Funeral as screen test?

“They must be melting in those suits,” Claudia observed, glancing down at her friend, who was half a head shorter. “It’s hot as hell out here.”

Kelly’s smile turned into a smirk. “Well, that’s fitting, don’t you think?”

Claudia ignored the remark and began fanning herself with the prayer card she’d picked up in the chapel. The flimsy bit of cardboard had no effect on air as dry and still as the bones beneath the sod. Ninety-eight degrees by noon, the mercury was still rising. She wished she were in her car, the air conditioner cooling her skin as she headed for Playa del Reina, the small beach community where she lived.

“I could be home right now, working,” Claudia grumbled.

Kelly grinned. “It’s Saturday afternoon, for crying out loud. What’s so pressing that you ave to kick your own ass for taking time off for a funeral?”

“I have a court-ordered handwriting analysis to do. They’re using it in a custody issue. A six-year-old kid.”

“Abusive parents?”

“The mother claims the ex-husband takes the little girl in the shower with him.”

Kelly’s face twisted into a grimace. “Well I know what I’d do with him. I’d give him the knife.”

Claudia gave her an eye roll. “You would. Thank god, all I have to do is describe his behavior.”

They fell into step with the well-heeled group of mourners, picking their way around the graves. So many deaths represented by the bronze and granite monuments, so many tears.

Claudia’s own inability to dredge up the slightest hint of emotion for Lindsey Alexander bothered her. What kind of person feels nothing over the death of an old friend?

Former friend, she amended. So much for the pack of tissues she’d tossed into her shoulder bag in the event she was overcome with grief.

A sage-colored canopy had been erected graveside to protect Lindsey’s mega-clients from the brutal sun. The funeral director escorted some two dozen guests to folding chairs in the shade. The lesser glitterati were left to jockey for whatever prime spots remained, standing room only.

“Look, there’s Ivan.”

Claudia followed Kelly’s pointing finger and saw a middle-aged man in the front row, twisting in his seat to scan the crowd. Ivan Novak, Lindsey’s close friend and business manager, wedged between a handsome couple that Claudia recognized from television campaign ads. State Senator Bryce Heidt and his wife, Mariel.

Spotting them, Ivan waved at Claudia.. He stood up and began to make his way toward them, stopping to shake hands with sympathetic guests who reached out to him. As he grew nearer, the puffy pink flesh around his eyes told the story. He had shed his share of tears for Lindsey; probably Claudia and Kelly’s share, too.

“Hey, you two, thanks for coming,” Ivan said in a subdued voice. “I know it wasn’t easy for either of you. I appreciate it.”

Kelly reached out to hug him. “Ivan, you look like you haven’t slept in days. Are you okay?”

Shorter than Claudia, Ivan was almost at eye-height with Kelly, though she was slight and fine-boned. As he spoke, his stocky body seemed taut with the effort of controlling his emotions.

“No, Kelly dear, okay is something I am definitely not.”

He shook his head and mopped his damp face with a snowy handkerchief. Turning to Claudia, he laid a pudgy hand on her arm. “I have to talk to you privately,” he said, effectively shutting out Kelly. “You are coming to the reception, aren’t you?”

Claudia hesitated. Joining the jet set for cocktails and hors d’oeuvres was the last thing she had planned for the afternoon. She had become recently acquainted with Ivan through her professional connection to Lindsey, and was certain he had invited her and Kelly because Lindsey had given him the impression that they were still dear old chums. The truth was, Claudia had tolerated her former friend over the past few months, only because it had been a professional necessity.

“Well, actually I wasn’t––”

Ivan’s face fell. “But you have to come! We can’t talk here, the service is about to start. It won’t take long, I promise.” His grasp on her arm tightened. “Don’t disappoint me, Claudia. For Lindsey’s sake.”

She’s dead, but the drama continues.

She watched him hurry back to his seat as the funeral director stepped up to the lectern and asked for their attention. “I wonder what’s going on with Ivan,” she murmured.

Kelly shrugged. “So, go to the reception and find out. I’ll be there, and...hey, there’s Zebediah. That seersucker jacket is sooo Zeb.”

Claudia had to smile at their friend’s choice of funeral wear. The summery blue and white stripes made him easy to spot. “I guess being Ivan’s ex-therapist rates him a seat.”

“Yeah, well, I have a feeling Ivan’s gonna need a whole lot more therapy before all this crap is over.”

“Poor Ivan. He really cared about her.”

Kelly’s face soured. “He’s the only one.”

Claudia cleared her throat uncomfortably. Considering their shared history, she didn’t blame Kelly for the way she felt about Lindsey. Still, she felt compelled to register a protest.

“How about putting a sock in it, Kel? There’s a better time and place for that discussion.”

Kelly stared straight ahead, her chin jutting forward defiantly. “I don’t give a shit about the time or place.”

A woman standing in the row ahead of them turned a shocked glare on them. Kelly returned the glare, but lowered her voice a notch. “The only reason I came here is to make sure the bitch really is dead.”

Claudia caught the faint whiff of alcohol on Kelly’s breath and it came as no surprise. Since their early teens Kelly had dealt with stress by drinking, Claudia by working more hours. Soon, someone would need to find a way to cram twenty-six hours into a day.

“We can talk about it later,” Claudia said a little more firmly, but Kelly wasn’t ready to let go.

“It’s a good thing the casket’s closed. I can see her rising up and sinking her fangs into someone’s jugular, can’t you? I’ll never forgive her for the things she did to me–she ruined my wedding night, not to mention all the other times she fucked me over. Fucked you over, too, in case you’ve forgotten.”

Claudia certainly had not forgotten any of the cruel tricks Lindsey had played in the name of fun, nor the easy shifting of blame for her own misdeeds. She and Kelly had debated over the past week whether or not to attend the funeral. There had been as many reasons to stay away as there were to come. In the end, maybe it was curiosity more than anything that had brought them here.

As Claudia sought an appropriate response to Kelly’s tirade, the funeral director stepped to the podium and the hum of conversation abruptly died as he introduced a priest in white vestments.

Bishop Patrick Flannery, looking pale and soft, opened his gilt-edged missal and peered over the assembled crowd.

He’ll be lucky if he doesn’t come away from the afternoon with a nasty sunburn, Claudia thought, noticing that his bald pate was already an interesting shade of fuchsia.

“We are gathered here today on this sad occasion to bid a final farewell to Lindsey Alexander, a woman much revered….”

“Good thing he didn’t say ‘much loved,’” Kelly stage-whispered.

“Shut up.” Claudia gave her friend a sharp poke with an elbow.

“…often seen on the evening news, with the clients to whom she devoted her life,

Lindsey came to Hollywood with nothing but raw energy and a unique gift for recognizing talent in others, on which she built an empire...”

The bishop’s reedy tenor was no competition for the eggbeater clatter of Channel Seven’s news chopper circling overhead, and Claudia could barely make out the words. Her right temple was throbbing and the sun beat against her neck like an angry drummer. She needed water. Or better yet, a vodka tonic.

Is this funeral ever going to end? Or is this really hell, and we’re all sharing it with Lindsey?

She gave up trying to listen. The way she saw it, Lindsey had been a self-serving ballbuster. But brutal truths like that didn’t belong in a eulogy. Her thoughts gravitated inevitably to the final act of betrayal that had severed their friendship. Events that had burned deep into her memory and still had the power to mortify.

But that was more than ten years ago, and now, Lindsey was dead.
 
Check out My Review of Sheila Lowe's Poison Pen!
http://ipbookreviewer-bookreadersheaven.blogspot.com/2008/10/sheila-lowes-poison-pen-first-in-series.html


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Saturday, February 6, 2010

Review: The Last Goodnights: Assisting My Parents With Their Suicides

The Last Goodnights


By John West
Counterpoint
ISBN: 9781582434483
254 Pages

If you are over 50, or sometimes even younger due to your health, you may have considered what you will do when you are older and your health is failing daily. I know I have...and that's why I wanted to read and review The Last Goodnights: Assisting My Parents with Their Suicides.

This isn't a fiction novel where some character is playing as a "death angel" that must be caught. This is a nonfiction true story of a son who was asked to do the hardest thing he'd ever done. Help his parents die...

John West wrote this book for only one reason: to reveal his true-life drama to help move toward changes to our laws that would permit "death by choice" as performed between a doctor and patient.

There is no real discussion about pros and cons, rather it is the heartbreaking story of a son who had two seriously ill parents, who were in pain, and asking for his help to end their lives. Whether you have your own thoughts about this or not, I urge you to read John's story, it is almost unbelievable what happened!

John's father was a well-known psychiatrist and, indeed former chairman of the department at the University of California. His mother was also a practicing clinical psychologist in Los Angeles. In their mid-70s they discussed with their son about their beliefs in freedom of choice--the right to personal privacy and self-determination that would permit individuals to die with dignity.

John's father was literally being eaten by cancer and had about five months to live. If he had lived those months, he would have endured days or weeks or months of agony. He chose to die. His son was there to assist him to take medication to accomplish that choice.

The Plan for his death went off on schedule...

Not so with his mother...

Let me stop to add that this book is not an easy book to read. Imagine if you were asked to assist in someone's death, knowing that you were performing not one, but two...murders...

At least as the law now reads...

Many of us have noted that we think nothing about arranging the death of a loved pet when he is in pain and close to death.

How much more love do we have for our parents and other beloved family members? Yet, we stand helplessly watching...and waiting...as loved ones fade away, oftentimes not knowing their loved ones or even their own names!

I highlight that the trauma, the anguish, the long-term effects of John West's actions were to himself, not to his family. He started to drink excessively, get more and more depressed, and had to be in fear of losing his livelihood (he's a lawyer) and even his own life. Being in this situation was obviously the worst that any child or family member could be put in.

In my opinion, The Last Goodnights by John West just might be one of the most important books you read this year! It was for me!

G. A. Bixler