“Oh, yeah, I feel you. I spent years just thinking, and reading, and honestly my only escape was dreaming and through books. You see, when I read, I would see myself as the people I’m reading about and I envision that it’s me that’s doing whatever it is they’re doing. Now I’m no longer that caged bird. I’m flying, living my dream, and living life by my own set of rules. I’m a slave to nothing, but a master of all my mind can conceive.”
“Wow, that’s deep. That’s what I love about you; you know what you want and you know how to go about getting it, and that’s real.”
“Look, Heidi, we’re only here for a short period of time. This life isn’t guaranteed to nobody, so it’s a must you do the damn thing while you’re here. All the time you spend bullshitting and fucking up is time wasted, no doubt. Just like a bad relationship; it’s pointless.”
“One man’s trash is another man’s treasure. I once heard that saying, ha, yeah, that’s funny.” “You believe that shit?” “Yeah, kinda.” “Baby, that’s bull. God don’t make trash! If a man makes you feel that low, he was never a man in the first place. A man is strong, caring,responsible and loving towards his family. If a man feels he needs to break you down to make himself feel more like a man, then he was lacking in a few of those qualities himself.”
“Hey, you feel like going to the diner for some coffee?” “Sure, babe, we can do that.” “Cool, well, let me jump into the shower first and then we out!”
While Jay was in the shower, Heidi got a call from Mark. “Hey, girl, why haven’t I seen you in awhile?” “Mark, baby, I’ve been busy, but we can get together tonight. Is that cool?” “Yeah, meet me over at my crib in about ten minutes. Got it? And Yo, don’t keep me waiting, alright?” he barked his order. “Come on, baby. You know I would never keep you waiting; I’ll be there.” She ended the call.
Jay got out the shower. “So, Heidi, you ready?” Jay had the water running but had come back out to retrieve a towel and had overheard the whole conversation so now he just wanted to see how she would squirm her way out of it.
“Jay, baby, I’m going to have to take a rain check on that coffee. Something’s come up unexpectedly, so I have to run. Is that cool?”
“No problem. It is what it is.” Jay walked past her and headed towards the car. She seemed a little pissed. “You’re not going to even ask why?”
“Heidi, the set of rules I live by won’t allow me to.” “Really, Jay, and what kinda rules are these?” “Don’t ask for the truth if you’re not ready for it or you don’t want to hear a lie!” “Oh, so now I’m a liar huh?”
“Okay, just this once. I’ll humor you. What came up all a sudden, Heidi?” he said with a sarcastic tone. “My mom wants to hang out and watch movies so I’m staying here. That’s all. Why, what did you think?” she asked, looking down at the floor. “Oh, you’re really going to play this thing through huh? Well, I know for a fact that’s bullshit! But like I said before it is what it is. I mean, really, your mom can’t wait for you to have a cup of coffee?”
“Jay, I don’t spend that much time with my mom as it is. Damn, can I do this one thing?” “Like I said, are you ready?” “Yes, Jay, let’s go!” Minutes later she was dropping him off at his truck. Jay sat in her car until she got jumpy. “Damn, must be some movie. I’ll let you go so you can meet him, I mean, her.
See ya!” She tried to kiss him on the lips, he dodged it and slammed the door. He didn’t even turn around to wave at her. She rolled down the window and yelled, “I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?” He held up the peace sign and said nothing...
I thought to myself, This can’t be life. I need something to look forward to. I felt like an unwanted stray that had been left on his own, similar to Oliver Twist in the Charles Dickens story. Without giving it a second thought, I reached under my bed, grabbed my book bag, and began packing. I grabbed the three hundred dollars that I hustled from some of the younger boys. It’s now or never. I’m ready to leave this filthy prison they call a boys’ home.
They finished their ice cream as they walked back through the park heading towards the truck. When they got to their truck this guy and this girl were leaning up against it. “Yo, excuse me. That’s my truck you’re leaning up against, if you’ll excuse us?” Jay stated, annoyed. The guy brushed Jay off, while he continued to lip lock with his girl. Pam looked on to see how Jay was going to handle this. “Dude! Don’t take this there. Get the fuck off my truck!” Jay yelled with venom dripping from his words. He stopped and looked up, “Yo, kid! You and your little friend need to go play somewhere ‘cause I’m busy.” Jay became furious by the level of disrespect the guy showed him and his face turned blood red. As he went into a rage, he spit out his razor into his hand. The guy had his hands around his girl; Jay took the razor across both his hands as the guy let out a loud scream. Everyone close by turned to look. The guy reached towards Jay but Jay moved with cat-like speed and attacked again. His girl saw the blood streaming down his arms. She started to scream, and Jay dipped the guy’s arm as he sliced him again from his wrist to his elbow. While he grabbed his new wound, Jay went across his face. He fell to the ground in pain as Jay stepped over him and got into his truck. As the shock ran off of Pam’s face, she quickly ran around and climbed inside as they pulled off. They rode along in complete silence. Once back at the hotel, Jay picked up the bloody razor off the front seat and went up the stairs. Pam thought to herself, I know he isn’t going to keep that? Jay went straight to the closet and pulled out a bottle of some kind of solution in a box and then he put the razor in it and it started to fizz. “Jay, what the heck is that?” “It’s a sterile solution; it get my razors clean like new!” “Are you telling me you’re going to put that razor you just sliced that man up with, back into your mouth?” “Well, not right now, but yeah. This is the stuff doctors clean their tools with! he bragged. Hey, I’m about to jump into the shower.” “Well, when you get out I’m going to take a bath. You want to get a movie? They have a few new ones on the list we can order.” “Yeah, yeah do they have Scarface on there?” “Sure, you want me to order that?” “No doubt. Hey, you feel like running to the store and getting us a bag of popcorn?”And there you have it, Jay got his name by holding a razor in his mouth, always ready to...slice...and dice... And then went back for a shower...and... prayer.
He let the hot water work its magic to relieve the stress from the fight. He thought about the guy he had just fucked up for life. He tapped his head, stomach, left shoulder, then right shoulder as he looked up, “God, I’m not sorry for what I’ve just done. I can’t live my life with regrets. It was either him or me, and I’m good. Amen.” Jay put his hands on the wall to let the hot water run down his back while brainstorming his next hustle. He quickly snapped out of thought when he heard Pam come back in. He soaped up, rinsed off, and got out. He washed out the tub and started Pam’s bath water. He walked out with his towel around his waist. “Hmm, what you got there?” Pam licked her lips. “I started running your bath water for you, he said while looking in the bag she had just got from the store, Hey, what else you got in here?” “I got your Slim-Jim and your Snapple peach tea!” “Cool that’s what I’m talking about. Well, go in there and take your bath so we can kick back and chill,” Jay ordered as he looked over at the cell phones charging. He went over and unplugged one then went over to his bag.
And there you have the dichotomy of our main character, Jay Razor! He moved from being held in by society that would not help him except stick him in a boys home where he grew restless, certainly having been in danger often, and yet had little done to ensure he was prepared to enter into the adult phase of his life. He taught himself to always be prepared to keep himself safe by slowly learning how to maneuver a two sided razor blade in a corner of his mouth, so that he could whip it out whenever he needed...
And he used it only when absolutely necessary, at least for how he evaluated the specific situation, and then said a little prayer to God about what happened and his feelings about it... Almost daring God to disagree with his assessment, don't you think?
Jay was a boy/man who had the brains to move forward in any effort he would make, yet chose crime, at least until he had enough money to get where he wanted to me... Jay did what he had to do to protect the few friends he had made, but thought nothing if those with whom he'd been working started getting jammed up and were caught in death's grip...
Jay loved music, ice cream and other junk food to watch with movies or he played both hip hop or pulled out from his collection of old soul players like Sam Cook, dependent upon his mood, or if he was sharing with his girl...
Or any other girl or woman who let Jay know that she was into him...
This Urban Fiction book contains many sex scenes, as well as an ongoing story of Jay's movements toward making him a rich man... And then? Well, sad to say that the book ends as a cliff hanger.... One that all of us will find, maybe, more than usual, since the series ended prematurely... thinking about how the story would move on...
But here's how he ends.... in song...
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