Double Crossed: Unraveled - A Personal Memoir by Kelsey Carlee - Watch for a Second Discussion Post

I found this book on the Reviewers Roundup Wall at Facebook. I studied the cover carefully. It was unique and I love Unique! I could even tell somewhat about what the book would be about. I didn't read a book description or anything else. I bought it based upon the cover... and those strange little dots and dashes that began on the cover and continued throughout the book. I was hooked immediately.

-... ....- 

I once lived in a nice neighborhood in the northern part of Seattle. I was born and raised in that area, but my family moved to a different part of the city which fundamentally altered my life. I attended an expensive private school that didn’t offer sexual education. I was an honors student with straight A’s and brought up Catholic through the influence of my maternal grandparents. In October of 2000, I was accepted to read at Northwest Bookfest, but I attended the Ambaum Recovery Center for inpatient treatment instead. My admission was for using marijuana, which started socially during lunchtime with the kids at my school as I entered my junior year. I toughened up and expeditiously adapted to having no privacy. I learned a lot during my stay as multiple boys grabbed my crotch under the table. One of them was kicked out for it because I couldn’t stop myself from crying hysterically. 

When I could get the words out of my mouth to tell the counselor what he’d done to me, they removed him from the premises. I had a roommate named Shauna who had a petite build and curly brown hair. She showed me “the ropes,” as she referred to them. I implored the staff to let me go home if there was any way possible, but there wasn’t. I committed to waiting out my thirty days instead of walking out as I’d watched others do since my arrival, going against medical advice. In mid-November, a girl named Bunny, who I’d become close friends with, used my gel pens to draw the word Bunny in bubble lettering on the blue cover of my Alcoholics Anonymous book. She jotted down her number inside and said she wanted to get together with me. The morning of my release was referred to as a wake-up in the facility. Bunny hugged me and exclaimed, “hit me up on the outs!” I couldn’t have been any happier to be free of that place. We’d used the A.A. books within the center to write to each other when parting, much like yearbooks. The nickname “Lil Bunny” was something we had called each other while in treatment, and it ended up sticking, as she’d later become one of my best friends. Upon discharge, I was transferred to Ambaum continuing care drug and alcohol center in Ballinger for outpatient treatment...

On January 2, 2001, I first met Howie in the outpatient program we mutually attended. The walls of the room were covered in our collage projects for sobriety. The teenagers present took turns giving short introductions about themselves and explaining their artwork. When Howie had his turn to share, he started by saying that he’d had a severe substance abuse problem. He confirmed that his drugs of choice were weed, alcohol, and mushrooms while sitting directly across the long table lengthwise. He had a tremendously confident expression as we held eye contact. I found that his gaze was impossible to break as we stared at each other for a seemingly ridiculous length of time. The fluorescent light fixtures were buzzing above, and it was suddenly as if no one else was in the room but us. Howie stood and held up his project, which had just a few carelessly cut images glued onto the paper. I was fixated on him the whole time he spoke as our eyes stayed locked for the entire time. It was the first day that my mother had let me take her vehicle by myself because I’d just received my driver’s license. It was January 3, 2001, and it was also the initial instance that I dropped Howie off at his house in Seattle. After the group session, some of us had decided to go to Denny’s, the local diner just down the street. Jay would often take the bus from the south end and attend meetings at the EDL, where I’d met him. I suggested that he meet me after treatment, as he did not participate in Ambaum. He’d taken the bus to Blue Diamond Village to meet with both me and my group of friends from treatment. I invited Jay to tag along as a passenger in my parent’s vehicle with my other friends Bunny, Howie, Matheson, and Michael. I let him know that I could either meet him there or that I’d come back and get him. I called him out on being bonkers when he said he wouldn’t mind riding in the trunk as he jumped in and closed it on himself. He’d spared me the extra trip because there wasn’t enough seating in my parent’s vehicle, but the curb had been higher than I’d anticipated as I’d come around the curve into the parking lot at Denny’s. I was fretful as I stopped the vehicle and discovered that the rear passenger tire was flat. All I could think about was if he was all right in the back. I was very relieved when I pulled into the parking space, and he got out and doubled over with laughter at my reaction. I knew that my mother would give me a hard time about the tire later, so at the urging of my friends, I resolved to try and enjoy the restaurant. We went into Denny’s and chain-smoked in the booth section with the patterned sheet metal wall next to the fifties style barstool area. We ordered glasses of soda with strawberry dessert chunks in them and sucked them through the straws, which was Bunny’s idea. All of us delinquent teens at the table formed the straw wrappers into balls and flicked them at each other. The waitress came to the table to take our food order and rolled her eyes at us as she walked away...

~~~

I was not even through the first chapter, and I found I was personally invested in this young girl who had to be in her early teens when she was moved into a private catholic school where, at least it seemed to me, all hell began to break lose and Kelsey was a girl, all alone... I saw quickly that her parents seemed not to be really involved with her life. Yet, I also saw nonverbal signs that I knew were important... The major one that she had been allowed to start taking out the family car as soon as she got her license. All of her friends were jealous because their parents were not willing to do the same. Yet, even as Kelsey wrote, there was not once in her entire story that she ever referred to that vehicle as anything but "her parents car." I would say that even she was unsure exactly why she was being allowed to drive a car, even while she was in rehab for drug and alcohol abuse... Something was wrong! I wanted to stop reading the book right then and try to help...

But it only got worse. As things were happening faster, I could almost see Kelsey trying to slow things down--trying to prevent what she was being pulled into, perhaps because she was the only one that could drive??? I was afraid for her. I had a right to be. If you choose to read this book, please read it because you have a young teen for whom you are concerned. Parents and Grandparents especially. In my opinion, her grandparents acted in good faith when they sponsored her private schooling... But I can guarantee that they did NOT do any checking of references about the quality of the school and its teachers. Note that the reports about sexual assault of children by priests was already well known by the time this was happening... 

During the years that Kelsey was going through her teen years, getting deeper and deeper, once in a while her mother would text her that she was concerned that they were no longer as close as they once were... Remember she was in her teens... 

I can remember my mother, while waiting for me, wondering what I was doing for so long, she got out of the car and came to find me... Of course, I lied to her, hurrying from the restroom where I had run to, but I knew that I was just goofing off, flirting with a guy I was interested in... I had to be in my early 20s, but I knew not to cross my mother when, I knew, she was right to question... About the lying? I'll wager that every child in America had done that... What is the guidance we may remember--I sure do... but it sometimes takes time for it to sink in, doesn't it?

When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. --I Cor.

Now, I have to ask, what in the world would a mother be doing texting a young girl who is in rehab but living at home?! Why was Kelsey on her own so much, with a car, at 16, having just got her license, and thus, with little experience? Notice that in the excerpt above, she wasn't even able to deal with a tire deflating! I was fuming! In fact, I'm more mad now than before. While reading I was so involved in wanting to see something good happen! I think it is relevant, though, that there was little written about either of her parents or grandparents, other than the early reference that she was relocated into a new environment in which she was forced to face everything new, on her own... (She has written two other books, which I'll be reading. Given the quality of writing for this book, I'm confident that the things that confused me will be clarified...) 

On the other hand, I hope that, because of its content, that parents will not "ban" the book... It is obviously one that will reveal what teen girls, and boys, are facing in today's world...Reading somebody else's experiences just could save another girl, or boy, from the same problems or mistakes...

Right now, I want you to stop and click to an article on Human Trafficking, that in my opinion, every person in America should be reading and responding to... Here is the cover of the book spotlighted... I know one thing, I never felt a time when I didn't feel that my mother would be concerned enough to help me through anything...

I was therefore very, very disappointed when, when Kelsey needed her most of all, her mother chose not to believe her daughter rather than two young men who were slick liars and conmen...and had just not only kidnapped her from her home, but again abused Kelsey... Please know that this book is not an easy read. However, it certainly is recommended. We all need to know that we are not alone in facing unimaginable issues--but can make it through them--ultimately stronger for the experience. A strong female who can stand on her own and, realize, no matter what, she can and should say No when she wants too!  We must work to ensure that happens! I've already downloaded the two other books from this author. Her reviews are good; her bravery is outstanding! 

Plan to come back to spend time with Kelsey, Rory and me as we talk about the issues covered in Double Crossed where three women of different ages, explore their early years of becoming women.  I was not surprised at what we found...Will you Be?

GABixlerReviews

Mary Lynn Plaisance Presents The Book of Pilar Grace - A Startling Glimpse of America...

...It's already two minutes Pilar, and you not at the table, yet." Her Aunt Dill's voice got louder. No one could hear her yelling in the remote area where they lived. She saw her Uncle Jack was off of the trawl boat, walking to the house on the long wharf. Dill never called him.

"I'm coming right now, Aunt Dill." Pilar ran fast and passed in front of her Uncle Jack. When she entered the front door, as soon as the screen door slammed shut, she got one smack with the strap on her butt. Pilar's sack of school books fell to the floor and she began crying as she held her butt from the sting of the strap.

"You late... after you said you wouldn't be late. Stop crying! Want another whip on da butt? What did I always tell you about that crying? Shut up, Pilar. Want another whip on da butt? I'll whip that butt of yours til you can't sit anymore! You hear me?"

Jack entered the front door. "Dill, put da strap away and get supper on da table." He took Pilar by the arm and pulled her panties down. She had a red strap mark across her butt. "I told ya more than one time not to mark the child, Dill. Don't mark her at all! Look what ya did." Jack turned Pilar around to show the strap mark to Dill like she was a piece of new furniture that had been ruined. "Ya knew what happened the last time you marked her legs. Da boss was here and it's not good for business. You hear me? Pick up da strap!"

Pilar was shaking with fear seeing both of them mad at the same time. That had never happened before. She was wondering why he didn't want anyone seeing her with marks or bruises. It wasn't good for his business? She didn't know what his business was. He was always on the trawl boat but it never left the water...

Pilar knew very well to do what she was told. She picked her school books off of the floor and put the school sack on her twin bed, going immediately to sit at the table. She sniffled as she ate her friend chicken and gravy.

"If your mama wouldn't have just left you here and run away, I wouldn't be having all this trouble with you."

Dill always mumbled those words when she was mad. She always blamed her sister Nora for leetng herself get pregnant. Pilar heard those words hundreds of times, but never asked any questions for fear of the strap. This time she asked, "Then, why my mama left me with you, Aunt Dill?"

"Why? You ask me why? I told you to never talk about your mama in this house. Your mama is dead to me, so shut up asking about her."

"I know," Pilar answered still sniffling from the hurt on her butt. "But, I'm twelve now. I'll be thirteen on Valentine's Day. Tomorrow. Why she left he here if you didn't want me?"

...Dill, shut up! You talking too much. Just shut up!" Jack was madder at Dill now than before. Pilar was shrinking in her chair hoping not to get whipped again for making Dill mad...

She heard the screen door close while Jack yelled at Dill, "Clean up that mess ya made and don't ever hit Pilar again with that strap! Ya hear me?"

!!!

She finished tying her shoe laces. "I can't believe he gave her a hit with the strap." She grabbed her school sack, shoved two biscuits in it from the table when Dill's back was turned, and quickly went out the door. As she passed by Jack, she said nothing and went to where she had to wait for the school bus. She could see it on the old bridge...

The bus stopped and the driver told Pilar, "Good morning. I hope you have a good day. Here I brought you a candy." He was always nice to Pilar.

"Thank you Mr. Riggs."

She took her usual front seat behind Mr. Rigs next to the window and kept quiet. Pilar was the only child he picked up on that side of the old bridge along that lonely back road. He knew they were poor and he heard others teasing her since she was in first grade. He made it clear to the rest on the bus each year, that the seat behind him was for Pilar. Mr. Rigs was the only person she felt safe with...

The Book of Pilar Grace

By Mary Lynn Plaisance

We all know the tragedy of human trafficking around the world. Criminals have found that they can make more money with sex slaves than many other options. They consider it business and have little, if any concern, about the humans involved--except to take care of them enough to keep them in good shape for their clients...

When I contacted the author for permission to use some of the pictures in the book, she shared concern about her being so mad when she wrote the book, that she may have gone too far in writing the potential true story of what happens to those victims who are caught in the reality of human trafficking. 

In fact, the devastating reality in the life of Pilar Grace was so very hard to read. From the time she was old enough to realize what was happening to her, she was an unloved, abused child that knew only fear. The pain of a strap hanging near the front door of her home was often used, mainly by her aunt. Pilar Grace lived with her aunt and uncle, and was told that her mother had become pregnant when young, gave her baby to her sister and left town...The only thing that Dill was willing to share with her was a Black fur hat that her mother had left behind. She held it close to her constantly...dreaming that her mother really did love her and would find her...

I believe it is important to read about the facts, the reality of what occurs through human trafficking. The first few chapters are extremely graphic. My one thought was that I hoped the whole book wasn't as revelatory. It wasn't! If you are unwilling to learn about what happens to many of our children, then don't buy this book. But if you are concerned and care about children, please take this opportunity to learn more so that you can help in any way you can, including warning your children and teaching them about seeking help if they are faced with any type of abuse...  

That day, the day after her latest beating at home, the day after her uncle Jack had hit his wife and warned that Pilar was not to have her body marked since it was bad for business, the day before her birthday...and the day that some of the boys on the bus started picking on Pilar, a most beautiful thing happened...Pilar gained a friend... Her name was Becky...

When the boys had started on Pilar, Becky chose that day to strike back at the boys. She had learned long ago to aggressively stand up for herself. Although her parents were not bad, still they showed little love for Becky and that day, Becky came up and sat on the same seat with Pilar. Stumbling through the awkwardness, Pilar was both scared and thrilled to think she might have a friend. Becky took an interest and soon Pilar was sharing just like she read about in the many books that she had borrowed from the library. At least her aunt had never stopped her from reading, so she had learned much from the stories, but had not known a real and true friendship... In fact, Becky talked Pilar into skipping school on her birthday, something that scared Pilar, but it turned out to be one perfect day...before Pilar disappeared...

"Becky, you're going to the principal's office...
"Me? He told me he was going to rape me...right
here on the school bus...
Becky whispered to Pilar, "If he ever puts his hands on
me, I'll cut his hands. I mean it."
"What's rape?"
"We need to talk the minute we get off this bus..."
~~~

For her birthday, her uncle invited her to go with him to the boat, where she was going to help him now that she was 13. He led her to a beautiful room like she had never seen before and she was thrilled when he said she would sleep and stay in this room from then on...

That night she was terribly raped by the boy on the bus who had been taunting her... She knew it was rape because Becky had explained rape, sex, and more about things she had never known about...

Now she had a "schedule" in that beautiful, hate-filled room, as one man after another visited...

And in the moments in between, she wrote in a book she found in the room, a black book which she used to, in her mind, clean out all thoughts of what was happening to her...

Dear Black Book, "Help me! I'm tired of being abused and I'm about to give up. Becky told me about sex, I bled enough from cutting myself and I have enough of being a sex slave to every man in a suit, but I cut to cope. They use me like the broom I use to sweep the dust off the porch. I'm not dust. One day I want to be a princess in a gown of gold. Can't you hear me screaming? Aunt Dill was right. No one can hear me screaming. Help me Black Book! I'm only 13!     Pilar Grace

She had begged her uncle to bring her book, Princess in a Gown of Gold, and was so happy when he agreed to get it. That book had helped her through her abuse because it told about a poor girl that had been abused, but who had run away and married a prince...

It had always helped her at home, but here in her jail room, beautiful as it might be, she could no longer dream of becoming a princess. She only dreamed of awaking and being out of her nightmare!

And then it happened...

Becky had found her and they escaped by hopping a train to New Orleans! That was also the night that Becky's life turned into a nighmare as she saw the fancy bar where her father worked, and later saw him kill a young girl... He had sent Becky to the boat, where she could still see what was happening...and as she had passed a window, Pilar had seen her and later reached out to her wherever she was held on the boat...

The terror of the first few chapters were lightened when Becky and Pilar got to New Orleans. Suddenly, everything started out differently, as if destiny had taken over and had led them to where they needed to go. Suddenly their lives were like a fairy tale... Serendipity led the two girls from then on into what seemed to be a magical home, where they were welcomed and loved, each step taking them closer to what their lives were to be...but only if the evil that followed them was...gone...

Wow! From a startling bit of reality in the lives of two young girls, comes a magical tale that evolved as if God had said..."Enough is Enough!" The author has woven each step after step as into a tighter and tighter web that could only be solved in one way... 

The wise lady, Sonja,who had welcomed the girls in New Orleans, knew they were both damaged and she lovingly explained:

Don't confuse a broken person with an evil person. A broken person can be fixed. An evil person cannot...Evil people can't do good because it's not inside of them. You cannot make a bitter grapefruit grow from a sweet apple tree. It's an apple tree."

This book faces the evil that is right now in America and around the world related to physical and sexual abuse of children and teens of both sexes, as well as adults. But the important part of the book was that evil can be defeated...and that broken people can be fixed... Plaisance has written a magical book for all of us who have been broken in some way--letting us know that destiny is ahead, in front of us, waiting...I've read several books by this author, but this is my favorite and is right there for selection as a personal favorite for 2018. But, remember, it is your choice--you must choose to read the reality of evil happenings to find the magical ending to your story...  


GABixlerReviews

Personal Favorite for 2018: Lady Blues by Aaron Paul Lazar!

Genesee River

I strolled along Main Street with Siegfried, my best friend and brother-in-law, unable to shake the song repeating in my head. I’d played it for my Opera 101 class yesterday at school, and since then, kept hearing Marcelo Alvarez singing “Che gelida manina,” from La Boheme...

If interested, all the music from this book, is provided in next post!

Because Camille and I had seen him perform in this role last fall in New York City, it made me long for Lincoln Center, or at least a really good hot pastrami sandwich from a decent deli.
Why I thought of food at that particular moment was a mystery, because we’d just finished a big breakfast of scrambled eggs, home fries, and bacon at Clara’s Diner. I shrugged and let the warm spring air caress my face and bare arms. The sun felt good after the lingering cold of March. I reveled in the feeling of freedom, happy to have no appointments or chores looming in the near future, and looking forward to a leisurely stop in the village bookstore. A warm breeze teased across the Genesee Valley, filling me with a curious sense of exhilaration. Just past the bagel shop, from the top of the ridge where our historic village of Conaroga, New York perched, I stopped for a minute to enjoy the view. Rolling hills swelled in the distance, coated green with winter wheat. I wanted to stay put and soak it all in, but Siegfried was rapidly disappearing into the crowded street. With his blond ponytail swaying behind him, his long legs ate up the ground. I hurried after him. “Hey, buddy. What’s going on?” I wasn’t sure why our trip to the bookstore warranted such an effort.
He frowned, walking faster. “Ja.”
What kind of an answer was that? Had he even heard me? “Sig? You okay?”
I loped for a few paces and caught up with him. Rushing along the sidewalk in front of Victorian homes with deep porches and brightly-colored gables, we finally reached the commercial part of the village, jogging side by side past quaint shop windows offering flowers, travel dreams, gourmet pizza, and works of art. A bus belched smoke and rumbled past us, its gears grinding. The advertisement on its broad side read, “Got Milk?” Beneath the text, a smiling actress wore a milk mustache. I glanced down at my black tee shirt. The slogan, “Got Opera?” had produced a few confused grins from customers at
the diner, where Siegfried and I enjoyed our breakfast. “Hey, what’s the hurry, big fella?”
Siegfried didn’t answer. I wasn’t sure why he seemed so distracted, but I responded when he motioned for me to quicken my pace because over the years, I’d learned to trust his sixth sense and recognized something in his expression that spelled danger. We crossed the street, almost at a run now. Siegfried frowned at something on the other side of the road. I followed his line of sight and realized he wasn’t headed for the bookstore, but for Thom Kim’s tailor shop.

Siegfried had been doing a lot of business there lately. A man of his height required the help of a tailor from time to time, but he’d found dozens of excuses for alterations in the past few months. A loose button here, a burst seam there. He’d been visiting the shop almost twice a week, and I wondered why. “Why are we hurrying?” I asked again.
He burst into a sprint, shouting now. “Look!” He lunged ahead of me, his sea blue eyes trained on the top floor of the building. I smelled it before I saw it, then looked up. Smoke...
A scream erupted farther down the hall. Lily. “Get her!”
I shouted over my shoulder, stumbling toward Thom.
Siegfried quickly ducked into the smoke, following the direction of her cries...

~~~

Lady Blues:

forget-me-not

By Aaron Paul Lazar

From the front cover to the end of the book, I loved everything about Lady Blues! When I read Aaron's latest book, Murder on the Brewster Flats, earlier this month, I was pleasantly surprised that one of the main characters had been married--and I didn't know it! Well, that set me on the search where I found a Gus LeGarde Mystery which I had not read! Wow, am I'm so glad I caught my omission. Because Lady Blues became a personal favorite for me...

Gus LeGarde is a professional musician and teaches at a local college, so his books are always filled with music, which as you all know, I really enjoy exploring (please see next post for all music pieces included). But it was the two main mysteries that I was enthralled with--Gus had befriended a man in a local residence for older people:  What had happened to the woman his new friend kept asking for... and What had happened to the patients as a result of new medicine...

On the other hand, an unusual mystery came with a young woman who whom Gus and his family gave shelter when the tailor shop in which she worked with her brother caught on fire! The question was--why was Lily's back full of both old and new marks of abuse? A not-surprising answer to this but sad..

Whenever he could make it, Gus played for Sunday morning services for residents at a senior citizen's home. One man was known as "the piano man" since he could not tell him his name. But, amazingly, with Gus's bringing music to the home that day, Gus was able to bring out the older man and begin a conversation. Gus knew that he would come back to visit. As time went by, Gus was given a name and then in a somewhat mixed-up question asked--Do you know her? Although all personal memories had been taken, he was able to remember the lady he loved...

But as Gus continued to visit, he noticed that the man was becoming more verbal, more communicative--and learned from his nurse that many of the patients were improving and regaining their memories! Until they again lost them...

How I wish that the main issue of the medication being given to patients could have been true. Wouldn't it be wonderful if a new medication allowed patients who had lost their memories, to be able to regain them?! It was in this part of the book that the danger and suspense grew as the families and staff began to question just what was happening to the patients. 

Lazar weaves magic into his books...readers feel refreshed and vibrant as they leave from their visit to the LeGarde home, where the food is plentiful, mostly homegrown, and friends are welcomed for Sunday dinner when Gus takes over as chef... And it was so gratifying for those who have come to care about Siegfried to watch as he falls in love and looks toward a future of his own with a loved one...after so very long!

And Lady Blues? This mystery had a wonderful closing! I can't wait to have you read it and love it as I did! Go on...check it out right now!


GABixlerReviews

Aaron Paul Lazar is obsessed with writing. He's completed twenty-seven books to date, and has earned twenty literary book awards. He writes mysteries, suspense, love stories, and more. You'll usually find him writing his heart out in the early hours of the day - preferably in the dark, quiet hours when no one else is awake in his bustling household. Visit his website at www.lazarbooks.com to sign up for a free book and to learn about future deals.

Aaron Paul Lazar wasn't always a mystery writer. It wasn't until eight members of his family and friends died within five years that the urge to write became overwhelming. "When my father died, I lost it. I needed an outlet, and writing provided the kind of solace I couldn't find elsewhere."

Lazar created the Gus LeGarde mystery series, with the founding novel, DOUBLE FORTÉ, a chilling winter mystery set in the Genesee Valley of upstate New York. Like Lazar's father, protagonist Gus LeGarde is a classical music professor. Gus, a grandfather, gardener, chef, and nature lover, plays Chopin etudes to feed his soul and thinks of himself as a "Renaissance man caught in the 21st century." There are twelve books to date in this series.

The creation of the series lent Lazar the comfort he sought, yet in the process, a new passion was unleashed. Obsessed with his parallel universe, he now lives, breathes, and dreams about his characters, and has written eleven LeGarde mysteries in addition to four other series.

One day while rototilling his gardens, Lazar unearthed a green cat's eye marble, which prompted the paranormal mystery series featuring Sam Moore, retired country doctor and passionate gardener. The green marble, a powerful talisman, connects all three of the books in the series, whisking Sam back in time to uncover his brother's dreadful fate fifty years earlier. (THE DISAPPEARANCE OF BILLY MOORE, TERROR COMES KNOCKING, and FOR KEEPS)

Lazar's books feature breathless chase scenes, nasty villains, and taut suspense, but are also intensely human stories, replete with kids, dogs, horses, food, romance, and humor. The author calls them, "country mysteries," although reviewers have dubbed them "literary mysteries."

"It seems as though every image ever impressed upon my brain finds its way into my work. Whether it's the light dancing through stained-glass windows in a Parisian chapel, curly slate-green lichen covering a boulder at the edge of a pond in Maine, or hoarfrost dangling from a cherry tree branch in mid-winter, these images burrow into my memory cells. In time they bubble back, persistently itching, until they are poured out on the page."

In 2009, Kodak laid him off after 28 years of service, and during the year he had off (before he landed in his job with KB America) he had time to explore and reconnect with his environment. Little did he know that several trips to the Adirondack Mountains would reawaken his passion for that part of the country. A new romantic mystery series was started entitled Tall Pines Mysteries: FOR THE BIRDS, ESSENTIALLY YOURS, SANCTUARY, and BETRAYAL.

In between all the novels, Lazar published three short writing guides based on his many years of writing advice blogs, entitled WRITE LIKE THE WIND, volumes 1-3. These are available in eBook and audio book formats.

In his twenty-first book, Lazar has jumped genre. THE SEACREST: a love story, now winner of many literary awards, is poised to capture hearts across the globe. Book 1 in the Paines Creek Beach novels (set on Cape Cod), this also launched a series, and is followed by THE SEACROFT and THE SEADOG.

When the news was filled with stories about the girls captured for ten years by that monster in Cleveland (you know who he was...), Lazar was compelled to write a book to honor the women involved. Thus was born the Bittersweet Hollow romantic suspense series, featuring award-winning DEVIL'S LAKE, DEVIL'S CREEK, and DEVIL'S SPRING.

The author lives on a ridge overlooking the Genesee Valley in upstate New York with his wife, daughter Allison, two little grandsons, two dogs, and four cats. With a total of six grandkids now, he finds grandfathering to be one of the most precious and important times of life, and spends as much time as possible with Julian, Gordon, Isabella, Christopher, Luke, and Joey.

Lazar has been featured in many magazines and newspapers and has given dozens of radio interviews over the years. You can keep up with him here:

www.lazarbooks.com
www.murderby4.blogspot.com
www.aaronlazar.blogspot.com

Contact him at author@lazarbooks.com.

Summary of series:

LEGARDE MYSTERIES (country mysteries set in the Finger Lakes)

GREEN MARBLE MYSTERIES (mysteries with time travel and a ghost)

TALL PINES MYSTERIES (sensual women’s mysteries set in the Adirondacks)

PAINES CREEK BEACH SERIES (love stories by the sea)

BITTERSWEET HOLLOW SERIES (romantic suspense involving kidnapping)

LEGARDE MYSTERIES
1. DOUBLE FORTÉ
2. UPSTAGED
3. MAZURKA
4. FIRESONG
5. TREMOLO: CRY OF THE LOON
6. DON’T LET THE WIND CATCH YOU
7. THE LIAR’S GALLERY
8. SPIRIT ME AWAY
9. UNDER THE ICE
10. LADY BLUES
11. VOODOO SUMMER
12. MURDER ON THE BREWSTER FLATS
THE LEGARDE MYSTERIES OMNIBUS

GREEN MARBLE MYSTERIES
THE DISAPPEARANCE OF BILLY MOORE (formerly Healey’s Cave)
TERROR COMES KNOCKING
FOR KEEPS

TALL PINES MYSTERIES
FOR THE BIRDS
ESSENTIALLY YOURS
SANCTUARY
BETRAYAL
TALL PINES BOOK SET

PAINES CREEK BEACH, love stories
THE SEACREST
THE SEACROFT
THE SEADOG

BITTERSWEET HOLLOW, romantic suspense
DEVIL’S LAKE
DEVIL’S CREEK
DEVIL’S SPRING

WRITING GUIDES
WRITE LIKE THE WIND, volume 1
WRITE LIKE THE WIND, volume 2
WRITE LIKE THE WIND, volume 3

AWARDS:

Devil’s Lake
• 2015 Finalist Readers’ Favorites Awards
• 2015 Semi-finalist in Kindle Book Review Awards

The Seacrest
• 2015 Semi-finalist in Kindle Book Review Awards
• 2014 Best Beach Book Festival WINNER, Romance category
• 2013 ForeWord Book Awards, Romance, FINALIST

The Seadog
• 2016 Best Indie Book Awards, Romance, WINNER

Double Forté
• 2012 ForeWord BOTYA, Mystery, FINALIST

Tremolo: cry of the loon –
• 2013 Eric Hoffer Book Awards: Grand Prize Short List
• 2013 Eric Hoffer Book Awards: Honorable Mention, Eric Hoffer Legacy Fiction
• 2011 Global eBook Award Finalist in Historical Fiction Contemporary
• 2011 Preditors & Editors Readers Choice Award – 2nd place Mystery
• 2008 Yolanda Renée's Top Ten Books
• 2008 MYSHELF Top Ten Reads

For the Birds
• 2011 ForeWord Book Awards, FINALIST in Mystery
• 2012 Carolyn Howard-Johnson's Top 10 Reads

Essentially Yours
• 2013 EPIC Book Awards, FINALIST in Suspense
• 2013 Eric Hoffer Da Vinci Eye Award Finalist

The Disappearance of Billy Moore (formerly titled Healey’s Cave)
• 2012 EPIC Book Awards WINNER Best Paranormal
• 2011 Eric Hoffer Book Award, WINNER Best Book in Commercial Fiction
• 2011 Finalist for Allbooks Review Editor's Choice
• 2011 Winner of Carolyn Howard Johnson's 9th Annual Noble (not Nobel!) Prize for Literature
• 2011 Finalists for Global EBook Awards

Terror Comes Knocking
• 2013 Global Ebook Awards, Paranormal – Bronze

For Keeps
• 2013 Semi Finalist in Kindle Book Review Book Awards, Mystery Category

Spirit Me Away
• 2014 AuthorsdB book cover contest, Silver medal.

Under the Ice
• 2015 AuthorsdB “Bronze” Cover Award

Some Books You Must Read...to Understand...to Help... Joseph A. F. Valiant Shares His Story...

   

FOREWORD: It should be noted, perhaps, before you go any further, that this is not a book for the faint of heart. Don’t pick this up expecting to find anything other than unending, bitter sadness, with some intermittent false hope. This is not “A Child Called ‘It.’” I’m not writing this to get rich, or to get attention. At this point, publishing it seems an alien idea. But it needs to be written, for my own sanity and for me to finally put on paper all that I am capable of remembering. I need to look at it. I need the world to look at it… Or at least be able to. 
And secondly, it doesn’t end happily. My life is still far from pleasurable. It’s not a story of success, or hope or happiness. It is not written by someone who has honestly made a success of themselves – merely someone who seeks to be understood. Perhaps that is a fruitless effort… This is a book written from the perspective of an individual who has been so warped by the life you are about to read about, that he is no longer recognizable as the child that has been written herein. This book is vulgar, blunt, unapologetic and filled with abuse, folly and foolishness. The child you are about to read about, no matter how much you cheer for him, over time, became me: a high functioning autistic, borderline sociopath who can barely understand, nor whom has any wish to understand, the majority of humanity. To be frank, you won’t find just the follies of others in here. You’ll find mine. There is no apologizing for some of the things I have done. And you will read about them in stark detail. I am arrogant yet depressed, bursting with confidence and yet suicidal. I feel unlovable but I believe I am honestly better than most people on this sad little planet. 
This isn’t a light read and you will be left feeling disturbed by the time you set it down. And then you will pick it up and read it again, and again and again. Because that is how humanity reacts when confronted with a train wreck – pure, morbid fascination. And, strange little humans… My life certainly is a train wreck. Having said that, you will find a few laughs in this book. I’ve inserted some pictures here and there to lighten the tone. There are a few depraved moments – Tucker Max-esque, if you will. You’ll find happy moments and tears and poetry and hope and experience the breaking down of a soul of a romantic… And you will feel my pain as everything good I have ever had, comes crashing down around my ears in the most unforeseen ways. With that all said… Turn the page, if you dare.

My fingers fly, as my eyes drip blood, I must tell this story... 

It can no longer go unspoken.

 I will not go quietly into the good night;

 I will stand up and tell my tale. 

You are no longer at the reins, 

My master no more; I shake you and walk away.

 I shed the life I have lived, 

To embrace the life I have found.

 Broken, I may be, And the fault lies at your feet,

 But I will pick up my mighty pen and lay you to rest yet.

 You narrated the story of my life,

But I have outgrown you.

 I don't need my stories read to me anymore.

 This epilogue is mine and mine alone to tell.

!!!

You Should Have Been An Abortion

Joseph A.F. Valiant

It's not the first book I've read about child abuse, nor will it be the last, I am sure...But this one struck deep--deep into my soul and my secret beliefs that I would not share with others had I not read this book... I, a Christian, believe in the option for abortion... I think I said it just once within my family and promptly got jumped on, as always, when I disagreed with supposed Christian doctrine...

Did Joseph A. F. Valiant deserve to live? That is the first question that the title forces the reader to consider.  My feelings? If the parent, or parents of that child truly did not want that child, then it seems to be that it would have been better to abort... Is that murder? That's another totally different discussion. What I do know from all that I've read is that, no child should be born into the life Joseph has led... We can talk philosophically about whether his life has led to this book, and thus he should have been born... Ask Joseph if he agrees? Does all the pain, anger and sorrow of a child--any child--make it permissible and deemed acceptable just so some religious rule can be quoted? I admit I don't know the answer. I do know that if I had had the misfortune of marrying a man who turned out to be abusive, I would hope I would have considered whether or not I should allow a small baby to be born and within reach of that man... Today, the next day after I published this review, I knew I needed to add--"But then, I would never stay married to an abusive man..."

Chapter 1: A Nightmare Begins

The void beckons, stirrings call, 

my soul rends as the stars fall.

 Lasting pain, enduring hate, 

betrayal forever key to the gate.

 Prayers receiving a dial tone, 

Guess I’ll just keep at it alone,

 Hope has fled beyond the crescent moon,

 as my heart wails at this empty room.

~~~

What can you think when, in the Foreword, the author warns you about reading this book? Yes, I turned the pages that he had dared me to read...and cried...

When I was about three and a half, perhaps four, my parents told me I was going to have a new brother. Of course, I got excited. I was going to be an older brother! Woohoo! Not so much. As it turned out, Asshole had had a child he hadn’t seen since he was about one (another irresponsible teen, Asshole was, just like my mother. Keep that in mind as we progress, you’ll see the hypocrisy I grew up in for yourself), who shall be referred to as The Sociopath. And The Sociopath was going to be my older brother...

He told me it was a game for just us, which nobody else could know about. He would tell me later. After bed time. Anxiously, I waited for bed time. It came early, as usual. My parents put me to bed pretty early every night… Probably for their own extra-curricular activities. Lights went out and we laid there and whispered a little while. I begged The Sociopath to tell me what the game was, I wanted to know. I had never had anyone my age to play with; I didn’t even know what kinds of games we would play. Asshole and S played Nintendo sometimes, but would never let me play. Something about progress. Not something I understood then, haha...

The Sociopath made me promise that I wouldn’t tell anyone. Made me swear on my stuffed puppy that I was clutching to my chest. I did. God forgive me, I swore upon the puppy, haha. And so The Sociopath began my slow torture, nay, the slow murder of who I was and all I was ever going to be. 
~~~

You really cannot think of the book as a memoir, an autobiography... It must be fiction! But you know it's not... The story is too horrible to read, yet a child once lived it.  Would his life have been different if his mother had not remarried? What reason do we have to ask such a rhetorical question? Because the mother did remarry. But, then, her first marriage had been one that seems to be typical these days...mother 16 gets pregnant, marries older boyfriend, divorces quickly. Moves back with mother, starts to party, gets remarried soon...All Hell breaks out... Sure there were a few warm memories, such as from his maternal grandmother, but not so many that it can override all the rest... at least for that abused child...

What would you do if you had somebody say over and over that you should have been aborted? It is simply beyond my comprehension, given my family background. My mother was left a widow while she was carrying me, but there was never a thought, I am sure, of her having an abortion. She had four children to raise--and she worked long and hard hours to ensure we were taken care of. There was never doubt of our mother's love for her children, even when we recognized that we were financially barely making it...

Still, just as little Joseph, I was touched inappropriately when I was young and I know how that has affected me throughout my life.

Yet, there is not even a small way my life could be compared to the horrendous life...survived by Joseph...

Shadows and ice swirl before my eyes, 

And I'm struggling to stay alive, 

The only question on my mind, 

Is this life really mine? 

Just want to succumb, 

Been feeling so numb, 

Waiting for salvation to come, 

Before I come undone, 

Need something to tell me who I am, 

Need someone to tell me where I stand.

 Because I simply don't know, 

Where I'm supposed to go, 

Someone needs to tell me, so,

Black and white, 

As I wait for the rest of my soul to die

~~~

Yes, Joseph has been explicit in what has happened to him. I do not need to repeat any of it... Because it is his poetry that really shares his heart and soul. Indeed that soul that he fears will die like most of him already has...

A New Home, but no new hope...

The drive to Illinois started as excitingly as tediously that it ended. I’d never been more than twenty miles from home – with the exception of living in Tennessee for a short expanse while my mother was still married to Daniel. Apparently, I ate a cockroach. And my mother cut the tip of my ear off while trying to cut my hair. She did that three times in my life, actually. Anything to save ten dollars.

I tried to look at everything and of course, that just got me yelled at. The Sociopath complained about being hungry the entire time. Asshole and Mom blasted  eighties hair metal the entire time. By the time we got there, I think I was contemplating murder for the first time in my life.

~~~~

Don’t open the door. For God’s sake, don’t open the door. 

They’re out there. I hear them. They’re out there. 

Please, don’t open the door. 

I know they tempt you, in your mind,

 crying out in the voices of your loved ones,

 begging you to open the door. But please... 

Look at me! Look at me! Don’t open the door! 

Please... don't open the door.

 They will take you, twist you, 

make you into one of them. 

And then your voice too,

 will echo through my mind. 

You can’t open the door. 

For me, Oh God… Please. Can’t you see?

 It’s Hell, out there. 

Hell. Flames are licking at the edges of the door;

 do you not see the glowering light?

 It’s Hell, and they are waiting for me, 

waiting to take me for the things I have done.

~~~

The family had moved and Joseph was now in school...where the bullies soon started. The thing was, though, that Joseph started fighting back, so, of course, guess who got in trouble? I never could figure out how naive school officials can be...or is it just that some don't care...or maybe they don't have the time to actually see everything that is going on... No matter what, Joseph got the brunt of the pain and trouble... And Ritalin came into the picture... Well, the doctor might have prescribed it, but the parents figured that "more" would make it even better--for them... This part is especially important due to the prominent use of drugs as a solve-all solution...

So how does an author end such a story...I think Joseph did it the only way he could...You see, he's not alone...

Here are some astoundingly sad facts from www.childhelp.org: Every year more than 3 million reports of child abuse are made in the United States involving more than 6 million children (a report can include multiple children). The United States has one of the worst records among industrialized nations – losing on average between four and seven children every day to child abuse and neglect. A report of a child abuse is made every ten seconds...stadiums full of abused children. Imagine them, and take a stand for them. Spoiler: Nobody ever did for me. Because I am a rarity. I survived and made something of myself. Horrifyingly, many abused children go on to perpetuate the cycle. It needs to end. And we need to learn the difference between discipline and abuse – Spanking your child is not abuse. What I went through, and millions of others still go through daily, is abuse. By coloring such things as spanking as abuse, you take away from the seriousness and reality of situations like what I grew up in. So, as I said – when you read this, think not of me. Think of them. I wrote this the way I did partially for anonymity, but also so that you can imagine any child’s face while reading this. I did this so I can still and always be… Just Another Faceless Victim. Thank you for reading.

~~~

Tell others about this book. Make Joseph's voice speak for the millions of other abused children... Please consider this a must-read!

GABixlerReviews

I do not want to remember... But it is something I must do. Not just for myself - but for all those who are not yet clear of the Gates of Hell...

Joseph A.F. Valiant is just another faceless victim. He wants neither fame nor fortune for having told his story - just to know that others may find peace in knowing that they are not alone... And that those who have not been abused may read this and understand that they must never simply look away.

Against Her Will Presents Realistic Life of Victim in Debut Novel by Peter Martin...

Smoked (Law & Order: Special Victims Unit) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

"Hallo Donna.’ Her voice was soft, her large grey eyes  widening with concern and compassion. ‘I’m Jill  Meadows, Dexford police. Sorry to disturb you, at

 a time like this. I know you need to get some rest

 and its late, but I just wondered if you feel up to

 answering a few questions, about what happened

 to you.’ 

"Donna didn’t answer, she just wanted to be

 left alone. 

‘So how are you feeling?’ Jill asked 

finally. Donna began to weep. The police woman

 reached out to touch her hand, but Donna pulled

 back in a flash. ‘Look, I can see you’re upset. 

You have every right to be. But you’re going to be

 fine, no one can hurt you now. And I promise we’ll

 be working day and night to find the man who did

 this to you. But to do that we need your help. 

I realise how difficult this is, but we need to know

 exactly what happened while it’s still fresh in

 your mind - I believe it could make a huge

 difference. Think you could do that for me?

’ Donna didn’t respond. ‘Please, Donna. I 

appreciate you’ve been through a terrifying

 ordeal, but it’s vital you tell us whatever you

 can. Come on try - for me and all the other

 girls out there, who might be at risk until

 he’s caught.’ 

‘I... I can’t talk about it.’ 

She shook her head rigorously, breathing

 in and out deeply.

~~~

Against Her Will

   By Peter Martin

One of the most long-standing dramas on 

television is Law and Order--Special Victims... Most of us are concerned about these victims and like to see the criminals face justice...

But I have not seen or read, until now, a book about the victim--after the criminal is caught. And what if he isn't caught? A life continues, but it may never be the same...

When, however, the victim already has issues from her past that have bothered her, the diagnosis may be much worse.

A young man, Peter Martin, has tackled this subject and has done, in my opinion, an outstanding job. Sure you can fault him for some editorial issues which seem to automatically come in ebooks which mostly I've learned to ignore. After you get lost using today's technology as many times as I have and have to stop and find your place again, then small typos pale in comparison... 

I love the character in the unit who play on SVU,
but the victims usually play a very small role, don't they? That's because, I think, of the sensitivity with which the show is produced. It is not to focus on the criminal act--rather it is to focus on the law and order activity in support of those victims. Kudos to everybody involved in this great program.

I've highlighted this because in Against Her Will, there is no cast of characters to "enjoy." Some at the end will be found. The intent of this novel is to share the "reality" of being abused--mentally, physically, of emotionally. You will see a young girl in a number of situations--first she is kept late at work with the boss finding problems with her work. Sure it was good that he took the time to help her, but why wait until closing time to start? Then he asked if he could give her a lift home...

"They ought to string him up when they catch him,"her dad growled. Her mum sat reluctantly back down in her chair. 'No one's safe out on their own these days.
Makes you wonder what the world coming to.'‘I’ll kill the bastard, if I ever get hold of him,’ Blake said angrily.
‘Did you get a good look at him, love?’ her mum asked.
"Donna shook her head, her face creased up in pain. She glimpsed Blake moving off his chair to sit on the bed. He attempted to put his arm around her, but the very thought of it made her writhe as if a venomous snake was about to be placed on her shoulder. ‘No, please don’t!’ "Blake’s face dropped. Donna didn’t want to talk yet let alone have any physical contact with him. She wanted him to understand, but wasn’t sure he would.
 "‘Sorry love,’ was all he could say, backing off to his seat.
"Donna, don’t get upset, Blake didn’t mean anything.’
"I don’t want to be touched, mum.’ Finally, she sank back down into her bed, and turned her face away from them.
~~~

Let me stop here and describe our young female character--she is tall, blond, beautiful and has been in many beauty contests, won and then moved on to modeling... In other words, she is used to having attention of men. 

NOT every woman wants that... Donna definitely did not...

She was on her way home to be with her fiancee. Instead she was dragged, kicked everywhere, and raped... A gang came along and would not help her... Finally, an older couple found her and helped...There is no need to go over the actual scenes that followed. We know that a beating of a beautiful woman will be seen and gain sympathy from everybody...

Even more so by her parents...

therandomcrafter.wordpress.com

‘I gather ever since then you’ve struggled to cope with life. I hear you broke up with your boyfriend and have had to give up your job as well.’ 
‘Been talking to mommy and daddy have you?’ 
‘Of course I have. They’re extremely worried over you, Donna.’ 
‘Only because of the money.’ 
‘Money?’ 
‘The money they’d make out of me as a model. But I won’t do it, not now not ever. Did they tell you about the photo shoot they tried to force me into?’ 
‘No they didn’t.’ 
‘Well, they secretly arranged for us to bump into old friends of theirs, who just happen to be in the fashion business. They’d already set up a photo shoot with a top photographer behind my back. I couldn’t believe they’d do that.’
‘Well, we need to talk about how to rebuild your life, but I agree they should have asked you first, in fact no one should be forced into  doing something they don’t want to do.’ 
‘I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to go back to work or have a relationship with anyone – because the thought of someone touching me disgusts me. I wish I didn’t have to wake up in the morning, and I wish there was somewhere I could go to get rid of these horrible feelings.’ Tears trickled down her cheeks once more. 
‘There is nowhere like that, my dear. You have so much to be grateful for, lots to look forward to, and most of your life is still ahead of you. How terribly sad it would have been, if you’d succeeded in ending it all.’ 
"Donna thought the doctor seemed genuine, but she had no chance of making her feel better. She could pump her with more pills and give her as much counselling as she liked, but it wouldn’t make a heap of difference. 
‘I don’t want to keep feeling like this. If this is it, there’s no point in living...

~~~

But, remember, I said earlier that Donna had never wanted attention to her beauty. In fact, when she was young, her parents, mostly her mother, had forced her to become involved in contests and modelling... She had finally convinced them to let her go to college where she majored in mathematics and was now a Statistical Analyst...

And when Donna shared that she might not be able to go back to her job, her mother made arrangements, behind her back, to "accidentally" meet one of her former talent agents and then arranged a photo shoot...

About that time, I wanted to take that young woman and help her run away from home... And, indeed, that's exactly what she did...

And she wound up placed in a mental hospital...

Some of you who've read my reviews know that I retired early due to job burnout. What I haven't said is that I'm still on medication for that traumatic stress after years. The reason I share this is very simple. There wasn't any action by Donna in this novel that has not crossed my mind. Suicide was a passing thought and quickly found unacceptable; however, I've never been raped. Most of you haven't either. Add that to the pressure of parents who wanted to exploit her body due to its monetary value. Many may rebel at my saying that, and it might not be so harsh in real life; however, I can almost guarantee that not every little girl wants to be placed in pageant after pageant, etc. I know I would never consider that as a career...

When I went on medical leave, I went into seclusion. Fortunately, I was able to do so since I lived alone. It bothered me to see some comments in reviews that Donna was not a likable character. OMG, of course she's not! Who would be in that situation? An individual can feel fine, confront a trigger, and go off, either crying or angry in a second. This mood switch situation was handled quite effectively by the author. On the other hand, he has succeeded in dealing with the issues facing Donna in a sensitive manner that allowed us to recognize that the aftermath of any type of trauma is different for every individual and we must recognize and give that individual "space" in order to find her way back.

Again, here, the author chose an exemplary method to do this, although most who face this situation might not ever have the opportunity as presented to Donna...But I think by using what happened in the way that he did would allow readers to begin to understand how Donna needed to find her own way, even with help...

There was only one situation with which I disagreed with the writer and that was when the psychiatrist alluded to the money she was being paid by Donna's parents.That should never happen, but, of course, it could very well happen exactly like that in today's world! Couldn't it?

Many kudos to the writer for sensitively covering a subject that is very hard for actual victims to talk about. Whether he's had some personal experience with it or not, I do want to attest to his portrayal of what a victim truly goes through, no matter what the trauma has evolved from...

Highly recommended for those...who care... Even though it may not be an enjoyable book to read... The ending is surprising, but still quite satisfactory...

GABixlerReviews

Born and bred in the West Midlands, Martin writes under the pen name of Peter Martin. Against Her Will is his debut novel, and is the story of one young woman's fight to lead a normal life after a horrific rape.

Martin's interests lie mainly in crime, suspense and thrillers. His favorite authors are diverse, including Robert Goddard, R J Ellory, Kate Mosse, Dean Koontz, Stephen King, Diane Chamberlain, Harper Lee,Wilbur Smith.