Whatever happens to you between birth and age 12 becomes a blueprint how you love, truth, attach, and protect yourself as an adult.
Not because you remember it consciously, but because your nervous system does...
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Here’s the psychology behind it:0 to 2 years: The foundation of your attachment system
This is the most critical window of development.
At this age, your brain is learning:
• “Is the world safe?”
• “Do people come when I cry?”
• “Is love predictable or unpredictable?”
• “Are my emotions soothed or ignored?”
And the answers don’t come from words, they come from experience:
• a caregiver’s tone of voice
• facial expressions
• how quickly they respond
• whether they comfort or dismiss
• whether they’re consistent or unpredictable
Your nervous system forms its first blueprint here. And it follows you into adulthood.
2 to 7 years: The subconscious absorbs EVERYTHING
A child in this stage lives in theta brainwave state, meaning they don’t question experiences… they absorb them as truth.
This is where patterns form around:
• how emotions are handled
• how conflict is handled
• whether needs are allowed
• whether vulnerability is safe
• what love “looks like”
Psychology shows that patterns like:
• people-pleasing
• fawning
• shutting down
• perfectionism
• emotional avoidance
• anxious or avoidant attachment
…all begin here.
Not because the child chose them but because these patterns helped them survive.
7 to 12 years: Identity and core beliefs take shape
Now children begin forming meaning:
• “Who am I?”
• “How should I be in relationships?”
• “Is it safe to express myself?”
• “Do people care how I feel?”
This is where deep beliefs are internalized, such as:
• “I’m too much.”
• “I have to be strong.”
• “No one listens to me.”
• “My feelings don’t matter.”
• “Love feels like anxiety.”
• “Needing someone makes me unsafe.”
These beliefs don’t disappear.
They become adult patterns, until someone consciously heals them. If you’ve ever wondered why you attract certain people…
why you shut down…
why you fear abandonment…
or why chaos feels like home…
This is why.
Your childhood wrote the script your adulthood is still acting out.
The good news?
What was learned can be unlearned.
What was wired can be rewired.
And healing is absolutely possible.
If this speaks to you and you want to understand your patterns on a deeper level,
you can explore more resources here: https://linktr.ee/traumatorecovery
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When I pulled up the announcement of this post, it immediately pulled several things together for me... Yeah, I'm gonna say it... It was, I think, a God Incident...
You see, I woke up with the song first shown above in my head and I couldn't get it out! That doesn't happen often because most songs that come to mind are from my own choice... But this song made no sense... What in the world was I dreaming about? After all, "You Don't Own Me?" certainly didn't fit for this particular time of my life--or did it?
I read the post, simply because Rachel is my friend. I noticed, however, that some of the ages listed re the psychology had changed from my understanding... So I was catching up with the latest stats... You see, when I first started working way back when and I had a little money of my own to spare, I always bought books: Two genres Christian and Self-Help. By that time, around 18 and I'd started to work, I knew that my life had been...different... But it was not something I had anybody to talk to about, until I found my BFE--yes, I changed it to match my feelings--Best Friend Ever... And at my age, that was saying something! Sure I'd had friends on the way in my life, but I had never found one with whom I was immediately Sympatico...
We had even said the word, together, when we recognized each other...
Anyway, self-awareness was an issue for me for a number of reasons, one of which was my weight at that time. An aunt and uncle babysat me early life, as my mother was always working. One of the things they did was pass every plate on to me, saying, "Clean that up, we don't want to waste it..." Well, I did. I know they thought I might not be getting enough to eat as the youngest of 4 children. They were wrong. Mom worked so hard so that she provided a home and food as the most important part of her job as a mother... We kids knew that. But it was kinda nice to have extra attention at that age... Unfortunately that help lead to a life of weight problems due to the type of foods we could afford to eat...
I found, however, that I had an interest in understanding why and how people got to be who they are. I'd read and studied I'm Ok, You're Ok by Thomas Harris... Probably the most beneficial book on the subject I've ever read... It was an easy study that was a layman's terms of understanding about, simply, asking yourself whether you are OK--or Not? There have been many other info packets such as the one above which Rachel had shared. Like I said, ages were the primary updates for my base of knowledge.
But, did that answer why I had woke with the song, "You Don't Own Me?" Perhaps. It might have brought together many of my thoughts lately, especially those about hate, violence, rights of freedom, etc., you know what I mean, about today's political environment...
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You see, Dekker has been known for many fiction books related to the supernatural activities of God. Given what has happened with the "real" split-off of Christian Nationalism and its inclusion of violence, I've been struggling with my faith in "life as we now know it"... This book was pulling me into those doubts... And my understanding of my life... And the connection of science, such as psychology based upon learning... and faith based upon the Bible... Are you just as confused as I am? Well, I hope you keep in touch and, maybe, share your thoughts a little more, as I explore A Christian Woman in Today's Violent
World... Watch for more on this book soon...
God Bless Us All
Gabby
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