Perfidy - A Circle City Mystery - Good Storyline...But...

"Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves."

--Confucius--504 B.C.

Prologue

The full moon and stars sparkled atop the dark surface of the lake. The air was unseasonably cool, a sign autumn neared. The engine purred as he maneuvered the boat around a small, tree-filled island. The water was deepest here and well hidden from view of the lake houses. This was the perfect disposal spot.

"I think this is a good place," He cut the engine and turned to her. "It's really dark on this side of the lake. There aren't any houses for miles so no one will see us. Let's dump our, uh...cargo and get the hell out of here."

"Why so nervous?" she asked in a calm, smooth voice caressing his cheek. "The worst is over. No one will ever suspect you or I had anything to do with this. All we have to do is stick to the plan."

"There's just one little hitch," he said. "Mandy."

~~~

Perfidy:

A Circle City Mystery

By M. E. May

Perfidy is a great murder mystery with a story that led me close to the end before I knew what was happening...I enjoyed the story... 

But I was disappointed big time... I received a copy of the latest edition. The book has been picked up by Worldwide Mysteries [Harlequin]. Thinking it was great for the author to be picked up by a well-known publisher, I was dismayed to see that it had apparently not been edited in any way. It is full of small errors--the kind of errors that are made by the author while writing, easily caught by a good proofreader. 

Strangely, the back cover has a complete paragraph about something that apparently happened in a previous book, but then is not mentioned in this one...so the reader is left wondering what that event may have to do with the present situation...

Another editorial issue was the inconsistent use of Miss/Mrs... For instance, two mothers with two daughters may all be called Miss in one paragraph and then be referred to in the next as Mrs. Each time, the reader has to stop and think now is it the mother or the daughter this time??? I am not sure, but believe that the "miss" salutation was used by just one character as a reference to his race; however, in no other way was that character identified to justify this colloquialism. Whether by the author or the lack of proofreading, this was so poorly done that it pulled away from my overall impression of the book...Too bad...

Note that this edition is not available on Amazon, nor is there a place on the Harlequin to publish reviews... 

However, I am going to go ahead and share a little about the mystery for my readers since I won't be posting at Amazon...

Mandy Stevenson has noted that her mother has been gone from home too long. She has disappeared before but not in the same manner. Those times, she has left a note or called and has taken personal items with her. This time everything has been left behind. 

Mandy's father, a cop, doesn't seems concerned so Mandy goes to her godfather in the Missing Persons Unit and files a report. They immediately take it seriously and start an investigation...

Unfortunately at this point, I also had a problem because Mandy, who seemed so concerned about her mother, almost immediately becomes involved with several other issues that may or may not be related. A number of the same individuals are involved to explain the overlap. Mandy takes on the role of  amateur sleuth, handling the cases like many unofficial investigators in cozy mysteries... What that results in is that all of a sudden, the daughter of the missing mother is no longer apparently concerned enough to continue to investigate her mother's absence! The problem is that there is no insufficient and/or internal dialogue about what the daughter is thinking to go off to look at these other events...

So what am I saying? I did enjoy the book's mystery story line... Ultimately, it all comes out effectively and everything fits together. Yet, I got hung up on what should have occurred editorially in a new edition to correct these flaws in the development of this novel. 

Does it make sense for me to recommend it as a heavy mystery plot, but... well, in my mind, really, it should receive a total editorial update by an effective, caring editor. Sorry, I have no way to know whether this same information reflects the condition of the books now being sold on Amazon...


GABixlerReviews

EditPros LLC Publicly Thanks Its Reviewers - Cool, Right?!!!

I recently reviewed a book published by this group. After it was posted, I was asked to allow an excerpt, which naturally I agreed to... Then I discovered that the group uses excerpts to further publicize their books in a monthly newsletter... What a nice way to thank reviewers!

I have found that you can learn a lot by signing up for newsletters, so I thought I'd share a little from their August issue... You may want to review this site as well...

BOOKSHELF: Reviewers recommend Reckoning at Sea and Within My Grasp

     Numerous readers and book reviewers have given high marks to the two newest books that EditPros has published: Max Young's Reckoning at Sea: Eye to Eye With a Gray Whale and Mike Penketh's Within My Grasp: A Double Amputee's True Story. EditPros co-owners Marti Smiley Childs and Jeff March served as co-authors of both of these autobiographical adventure books. Read more...

FEATURE: Don't be fooled by an appositive – know when to use 'we' or 'us'

     As an ongoing dispute between teachers and a school district over salary became increasingly contentious, teachers resorted to a series of strikes. An article about the unremitting strike quoted one of the teachers, who said, "All other avenues of taking action have been explored and haven't worked. If the negotiations keep on going, the only way us teachers can make an impact and be taken seriously is to close down schools."
     The teacher's statement may have weakened her case – not because of her willingness to disrupt school to assert her point, but because of how she expressed it. She made an elementary mistake in pronoun usage - an error for which one of her students should have been harshly graded. Read More...

GRAMMAR COACH: Fielding your questions

1. Terry Z. wrote:

     A headline that read "Police fire water cannons to disperse protesters" caught my attention. Is it possible to "fire" a water cannon? Perhaps discharge water?

The grammar coach replies:  Read More...

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Please Note: BRH only endorses companies or individuals with whom I've Worked...

EditPros News   ~~   Vol. 17, No. 8   ~~   August 2013
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Guest Post from Touring Author Sheila Deeth Celebrating Divide by Zero!

Hi Everybody!

I self-published some children’s stories a while ago. I read and re-read, edited and re-edited them over and over before I let them loose on the unsuspecting world. Then I found I’d written Gad instead of God in the middle of one.

My new novel, Divide by Zero, was just released by Stonegarden.net. Luckily I didn’t have to edit that all on my own. My words were handed over to a wonderful writer and editor, Shirley Ann Howard—since I’d already read and enjoyed several of her books I could hardly believe my good fortune. She taught me lots of things about editing and I suddenly realized, there’s a reason I’ve always enjoyed polishing a nice clean smooth wooden table—it’s like polishing a manuscript; it’s making words and wood shine.

Now I’m editing Vampires of Rome for Peter Joseph Swanson, another author I really admire, and I’m learning even more. So here are my first rules for editing a novel:

1. Don’t expect to do everything at once.
2.   Familiarize yourself with the voice and the story in your first pass. Read like a reader and take note of where you skim, where you’re confused, where the wording conjures entirely the wrong image, and where you’re itching to change something. Track changes and write lots of comments. What color is her hair? What year did they meet? Does he always speak so very formally?
3.    On the second pass look for answers to your questions and make the changes you skipped the first time through. If you started switching “he is” to “he’s” in chapter five, you’ll want to do it more often near the start. If something was confusing, find another way to say it. Try cutting down your long sentences, removing “that,” changing “he was walking” to “he walked,” deleting extraneous “but” “and” “however” etc.
4.    The third pass is a good place for some more global edits. Look for every use of “that” and see which you want to keep. Look for “was” “were” “and” and more. Look for “as if” and see if you want “as if it was” or “as if it were.” Look for likely misspellings of your characters’ names, and anything else that came up once too often in the earlier passes.
5.   And now, just to confuse things, change your font. I recommend Garamond. Those semi-colons will suddenly stand out. The italics look different—did you really want the quote marks italicized too, and the punctuation (probably not)? Even the shape of the paragraphs changes and you get to ask if this sentence belongs on the end of one or the beginning of the next.
6.   And now—yes, there’s still another pass—now read your file with much larger text on the screen. How did that word get to be only half italicized? How did did you manage not to see that repeated “did”? And those commas—why did you use so many in that sentence.
7.   That last pass shouldn’t have changed very much so now you stop. You really hope you haven’t left any mistakes but just know that you have. It’s life. Seven for God’s perfect plan and humanity’s perfect imperfection!

Shirley Ann Howard taught me well. Thank you Shirley! But even then, the “final” version of Divide by Zero, emailed in a beautifully formatted pdf file by my publisher, had the classic statement “She picked up a diaper for the baby provided by the church.” Luckily the publisher allowed a few more “final” edits. The church is now providing diapers, not babies, and Divide by Zero is wending its way to the stores.

~~~

About Divide by Zero:

It takes a subdivision to raise a child, and a wealth of threads to weave a tapestry, until one breaks.

Troy, the garage mechanic’s son, loves Lydia, the rich man’s daughter. Amethyst has a remarkable cat and Andrea a curious accent. Old Abigail knows more than anyone else but doesn’t speak. And in Paradise Park a middle-aged man keeps watch while autistic Amelia keeps getting lost.

Pastor Bill, at the church of Paradise, tries to mend people. Peter mends cars. But when that fraying thread gives way it might take a child to raise the subdivision—or to mend it.

 

About the author:

Sheila Deeth grew up in the UK and has a Bachelors and Masters in mathematics from Cambridge University, England. Now living in the States near Portland Oregon, she enjoys reading, writing, drawing, telling stories and meeting her neighbors' dogs on the green.

Divide by Zero is available from:

Amazon.com http://www.amazon.com/Divide-Zero-Sheila-Deeth/dp/1600763405/, http://www.amazon.com/Divide-by-Zero-ebook/dp/B0090NFH56/

Amazon.co.uk 

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Divide-Zero-Sheila-Deeth/dp/1600763405/, http://www.amazon.co.uk/Divide-by-Zero-ebook/dp/B0090NFH56/

Barnes and Noble http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/divide-by-zero-sheila-deeth/1112782597

Powellshttp://www.powells.com/biblio/61-9781600763403-0

Waterstoneshttp://www.waterstones.com/waterstonesweb/products/sheila+deeth/divide+by+zero/9420931/

And more.

Sheila can be found on her website: http://www.sheiladeeth.com

Find her books at http://www.sheiladeethbooks.com

Or connect with her on:

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/sheila.deeth, http://www.facebook.com/SheilaDeethAuthor

LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/pub/sheila-deeth/17/21b/3b9

Gather: http://smd.gather.com/

Goodreads:  http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/2853735.Sheila_Deeth

Blogger: http://sheiladeeth.blogspot.com

Twitter: https://twitter.com/sheiladeeth

Etc.