The freedom. She felt the faintest hitch in her soul.
Nicole pushed the accelerator further down as her car climbed the hill. She had Vivaldi on the stereo, the windows open and her car headed in the direction of the ranch and Hayes’s boys. The highway made a curve, then topped a rise, and Nicole’s breath left her. The valley spread out below her, a vast expanse of space yawning for miles, then undulating toward green hills and giving way to imperious mountains, their peaks capped with snow, blinding white against a blue, blue sky. Despite her hurry to get to the ranch, she slowed down, taking it all in. The space, the emptiness. The freedom. She felt the faintest hitch in her soul. She was a city girl, but somehow this country called to her. Yesterday she’d almost got lost on her way to the ranch because she kept looking around, taking in the view. She took in a deep breath and let the space and quiet ease into her soul. Yesterday, after seeing the boys, she’d come back to a raft of emails all dealing with the foundation banquet she and her assistant had been planning. Nicole first sent a quick update to her father, then waded into the work, dealing with whatever came out of them until two. This morning she’d gotten up early and finished up. Then, still tired, she’d grabbed a nap, only she forgot to set her alarm. Now she was an hour and a half late for her meeting with the boys. The ringing of her cell phone made her jump. She blew out a frustrated sigh, glanced at the caller ID and forced a smile. “What did the lawyer say?” her father asked. Sam Williams may have been ill, but he hadn’t lost his capacity of getting straight to the point. “The usual lawyer stuff,” Nicole said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear that the wind coming into the car had pulled free from her ponytail. “Things are going to take time. She needs to verify Hayes’s will. Wait for the DNA test. Nothing definite yet.” “How are the boys?” “I wish you could see them in person. They’re so cute.” The sight of them pushing the oversized broom in their uncle’s shop yesterday made her smile. She had snapped a picture of them and sent it to her father for an update. “They’re such little cowboys.” Her father didn’t say anything to that, and Nicole guessed it was the wrong response. “I’ll try to call from the ranch today,” Nicole said. “See if you can talk to them.” “The new school year starts in three months,” her father said as Nicole turned onto the road leading to the ranch. “I’m looking into schools for them.” As Sam spoke, Nicole’s thoughts slipped back to Kip’s comment about putting the boys on the bus and his obvious regret. At least he wouldn’t have to deal with that come September. “I’m getting to a bad area, and I’ll be losing reception. I’ll try to call you from the ranch.” “If I was feeling better, I’d be there…” The rest of her father’s words were cut off when Nicole’s car dropped into the valley.
As Nicole turned onto the ranch’s driveway, she felt another clutch of frustration at Kip Cosgrove’s insistence that she visit the boys only at the ranch. How was she supposed to get to know her nephews in two and a half hours under his watchful eye? But as she came around the corner, her frustration gave way to anticipation at the thought of seeing the boys again. As Nicole parked her car beside Kip’s huge pickup she got out of the car, looked around, but didn’t see anyone. She walked to the house and knocked on the door. Nothing. Where was everybody? She lifted her hand to knock again when she saw a note on the door addressed to her. “In the field. Moving bales. Mom sleeping.” The words were hastily scribbled on a small piece of paper and stuck to the door with a piece of masking tape. Nicole blew out a sigh. Which field? How was she supposed to find them? She could almost hear the clock ticking down the precious seconds on her visit. She paused, listening, then heard a tractor. Thankfully, it sounded like it was coming closer. She jogged across the yard, past the chuck wagons. As she ran around a corner of the barn, a tractor lurched into view pulling a wagon loaded up with hay. Smoke billowed from the stack and the engine roared, a deafening sound in the once-stillness. The sun reflected off the glass of the closed-in cab of the tractor, but as it came closer, Nicole saw Kip driving and Justin and Tristan standing behind the seat. With a squeal of brakes, the tractor came to a halt beside her and Kip opened the side door. “You’re late,” he yelled over the noise of the tractor’s engine. Like she needed him to tell her that. “Yes. Sorry.” What else could she say? Justin leaned over Kip’s shoulder and waved at her. “Hey, Ms. Williams,” he shouted. Ms. Williams? What happened to Auntie Nicole? Nicole just smiled and waved; quite sure Kip had something to do with the change. She walked to the tractor, raising her arms to take the boys out. “Hey, Tristan. You boys helping Mr. Cosgrove?” Two could play that game. Tristan gave her a puzzled look. Nicole could tell that Kip understood exactly what she was doing. “We just have to unload these bales.” Kip closed the door before she came any closer and before the boys could get out. He put the tractor in gear and drove away. She was left to trail behind the swaying wagon, fuming as bits of hay swirled around her face. With each step her anger at his pettiness grew. He was depriving her of valuable time with her own nephews so he could prove a point. She easily kept up with the tractor and followed it to where she assumed he was going to pile up these bales. But neither he nor the boys got out of the tractor. Somehow, he unhitched the wagon from inside, turned the tractor around and started to unload the bales. One at a time. She was reduced to watching as the clock ticked away precious minutes of her visiting time. Kip reminded her of her biological father and how he used to make her wait in the motel room while he busied himself with who knew what in his truck while her aunt fumed. Older, buried emotions slipped to the fore. As she had done the first few years at Sam and Norah’s, she fought them down. She was here and she had a job to do for her father. That was all she had to focus on. She waited until the last bale was unloaded and then she marched over to the tractor before Kip could decide he had to go for another load and leave her behind. But just as she reached the tractor, Kip shut it off and the door opened. “You finally came,” Tristan called out. The “finally” added to her burden of guilt, and she gave them a quick smile. “Yes, I’m sorry I was late,” she said as Kip lifted Tristan up and over the seat. “Got busy with work?” he asked as she reached up to take Tristan from him. “Forgot to set my alarm,” was her terse reply as she set Tristan down on the ground. He didn’t need to know that to some degree he was right, and she was surprised that he had guessed, at least partially, why she was late. He made a show of looking at his watch. “You city people keep crazy hours.” “I was working late and grabbed a nap,” she said, trying not to rise to his goading. “So, you were working.” “I have to do something while I’m waiting around for my appointed visiting times,” she snapped.
“Justin, honey, tell Mr. Cosgrove that he’s working on a Saturday too and we’re wasting time here.” Justin frowned, then laughed. “He is Uncle Kip,” the little boy said with a grin. “He is many things,” Nicole returned, her gaze still on Kip. His eyes narrowed as if he caught the inference but wasn’t sure what to do with it. Instead of saying anything, he handed Justin down to her. “I’m taking the boys to see the puppies. Is that okay?” she asked. “Just stay away from the horses. I’m going back for another load of hay,” he said, his voice brusque. “Make sure you keep the boys away from the tractor too when I come back.” Before she could think of a suitable reply, he had closed the door and started up the tractor again. She bit her anger back, took a breath to calm herself, then looked down at the boys. No sense in letting them know how angry she was with their uncle. “Let’s go,” the boys said, dragging her by the hand toward the barn. “But Uncle Kip said we should check on Grandma.” “Of course. We’ll first go see your grandmother and then we’ll go see the puppies,” Nicole said. They ran across the yard ahead of her, laughing and leaping like two young colts. Nicole smiled at the picture of utter freedom. When Nicole and the boys got to the house, Mary was watching television. She brightened when the boys came into the living room. “Hey, there, my boys. Do you want to watch a movie with me?” she asked. Nicole was about to protest. “Can we watch Robin Hood?” Justin asked before she could speak. “I’ll go get it,” Tristan said. Nicole stifled a beat of disappointment. She’d hoped to spend her time with the boys alone, just the three of them. She had looked forward to being outside with them, walking around the ranch, not sitting inside a stuffy house watching television. But Mary was their grandmother, and she was simply the outsider, so she said nothing. The boys popped the movie in and settled on the couch to watch. Nicole sat with them for a bit but got fidgety. She’d never enjoyed watching television like her sister did. She had preferred reading and doing crafts. “Do you mind if I tidy up?” she said to Mary. “You don’t have to do our work,” Mary protested, pushing herself up as if to get up out of her wheelchair. “I don’t mind. I’m not much of a television person, and I don’t mind, really. You sit with the boys, and I’ll wander around here.” Though she had grown up with a housekeeper, years of living in foster homes had given Nicole a measure of independence, and she had always kept her own room neat and later, she did her own laundry. So, Nicole tidied and cleaned, washed dishes and did another load of laundry while the boys sat mindlessly in front of the television. What a shame, she thought, wishing she had enough authority to turn off the television and make them come outside. Finally, the movie was over, and Nicole came into the living room. “I think we should go outside now.” “I’ll have a nap,” Mary said. She smiled at the boys. “Now don’t go and tell your Uncle Kip.” She winked at them, and they giggled. Then she glanced at Nicole. “Kip doesn’t let them watch television during the day.” If she’d known that, Nicole thought, she wouldn’t have let them. But she didn’t know the politics and the hierarchy of this particular household, though she was learning. She turned to the boys. “Now you’ll have to show me where those puppies are,” she said. They each took one of her hands and as she looked down at their upraised faces a wave of love washed over her. It surprised her and, if she were honest, frightened her. Each time she saw them it was as if one more hook was attached to her heart. The pain of letting go could be too much. But that wouldn’t happen, she reminded herself, holding even more tightly to their hands. The boys were Hayes’s and were never Scott’s, no matter what Kip might believe. She and her father had the law on their side. They stepped outside and Nicole inhaled the fresh, pure air. It was so wonderful to be outdoors.
“I want to see the horses,” Justin said as they stepped off the porch. “Your uncle said it wasn’t allowed.” And there was no way she was running afoul of Kip while on his ranch. “If we’re real careful, it will be okay.” “Not on your life,” Nicole said firmly. Justin sighed. “That’s what Uncle Kip always says too.” One more thing we have in common, Nicole thought with a sense of irony. “So where are these puppies?” she asked. “They’re in the barn.” As they walked, the boys, mostly Justin, brought her up to date on what Uncle Kip had done this morning—first he cut himself shaving, then he listened to the market report and made breakfast, then he tried to get Gramma to do her exercises. What their grandmother had done—sat and watched television. What Isabelle had done—slept in and got into trouble with Uncle Kip. “Auntie Isabelle is fun. Uncle Kip says she has to grow up, but she’s pretty big already.” Nicole suspected that Uncle Kip had his hands full with his sister. Isabelle needed a firm hand and guidance. Something, she suspected, Kip was at a loss to enforce. Justin pulled open the large, heavy barn door, then he stopped and held his finger to his lips. “I better go in first because we don’t want to scare the mommy dog,” he whispered. “I’ll call you when you can come in.” He walked slowly into the barn and Tristan seemed content to stay behind with Nicole. The only sound breaking the stillness was the shuffle of Justin’s feet on the barn floor and the song of a few birds that Nicole couldn’t identify. She listened, and the quiet pressed down on her ears. The silence spread out everywhere, huge and overwhelming. For the briefest moment, icy fingers of panic gripped her heart. They were far away from the nearest road, the nearest town. All alone. Then she looked down at Tristan, smiling shyly up at her. She watched Justin creeping into the dusty barn. They were completely relaxed here, at home and at peace. “And a little child shall lead them.” The familiar passage drifted into her mind, and she puzzled it over, wondering where it had come from. Then she remembered. It was from the Bible. Her mother used to read the Bible to her and Hayes.
“You hold my hand almost as tight as Uncle Kip does when we’re in Calgary,” Tristan whispered. Nicole started. “I’m sorry,” she said, loosening her grip. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.” He smiled up at her. “That’s okay. Uncle Kip always says he holds tight because he never wants to let us go. That makes me feel good.” Nicole’s heart faltered at his words. Of course the boys would be attached to Kip Cosgrove and he to them. This was the only life the boys had known. But they weren’t Cosgroves, she reminded herself. They were Williamses, despite what Kip may claim. Yet as she followed Justin into the dusky coolness of the barn, she felt her own misgivings come to the fore. Her own memories of being moved from home to home. But she never returned to her biological home, like these boys were going to. She could never go back to where the people she lived with were related to her by blood, but these boys could. She would give them the true family she’d never had and in doing so, maybe, just maybe— Her thoughts were cut off by the ringing of her cell phone. It was her father. “Hey, Father,” she whispered, following Tristan into the dusty pen. The floor was strewn with straw and Justin was crouched in the corner, his behind stuck in the air as he reached under a pile of lumber. “Can you talk?” “Yes. I’m with the boys.” “I want to talk to them. Now.” Nicole hesitated. This was the first time she’d been alone with the boys since she’d met them. She hadn’t had an opportunity to let them know that not only did they have another aunt, but they also had a grandfather. She highly doubted Kip Cosgrove let them know either. “I haven’t explained everything to them yet—” “You’re telling me they don’t know about me?” Her father’s gruff voice created a storm of guilt in Nicole. “I haven’t found the right time to tell them,” she whispered. Justin wriggled backwards then turned around with a triumphant grin. He held up a squirming, mewling puppy. The little creature was a bundle of brown and black fur with a shiny button nose. “I got one,” he squealed. Nicole knelt, still holding the phone as Justin brought the puppy over to her. “You want to hold it?” he asked.
“That’s one of them, isn’t it?” her father asked. He broke into a fit of coughing, a sure sign to Nicole that he was upset. “I need to talk to them. Please, let me talk to them.” It was the please that was her undoing. She couldn’t remember her father saying those words more than a dozen times in her life. “Just give me a few seconds,” she whispered to her father. “I need to explain the situation.” She smiled at Justin and held out her hand. “Yes, I’d love to hold it,” she said. “Why don’t you hold my phone for me, and I’ll take the puppy?” Justin managed to release his grip on the puppy and take the phone. Nicole gathered the warm, silky bundle in her arms, her heart melting at the sight of its chocolate-brown eyes staring soulfully up at her. She crouched down in the straw covering the floor of the pen, preferring not to think what might be living in it. “He likes you,” Tristan said as she settled down. “Who are you talking to?” Justin asked, looking at her phone. “Why don’t you come and sit by me,” she said, keeping her voice low and quiet. “I have something to tell you.” Curious, Justin knelt in front of her, still holding the phone, Tristan cuddled beside her. She stroked the puppy and looked from one pair of trusting eyes to the other. “You know that you had a mommy, right?” “We don’t know where our mommy is,” Justin said. “She ranned away.” Nicole pressed back an angry reply. Their lack of knowledge wasn’t their fault. “Your mommy didn’t run away,” she said. “Your mommy loved you both very much, and your mommy had a father who loved her very much too. That father is your grandfather.” “Our grandpa is dead,” Justin said. “Uncle Kip told us.” “Now you know that you have another grandfather,” Nicole said. “And he’s alive and he lives in Toronto.” “You mean like Paul and Liam and Kirsten and Leah and Emily and Jenna from Auntie Doreen? They have a grandpa,” Tristan squealed. “Uncle Alex’s daddy.” “That’s right.” “Where is our other grandfather?” Justin asked. “I was talking to him on the phone you’re holding,” Nicole said, tilting her head toward the phone Justin clutched. “You can talk to him if you want.” Justin frowned. “Uncle Kip lets me pretend to talk on his phone,” he said. “You don’t have to pretend,” Nicole said gently. “Now I’ll hit a button and put it on speakerphone so we can all hear all of us talk.” She tapped her phone, then held it out. “Justin, say hello to your grandfather.” Justin lifted his shoulders, suddenly self-conscious. “Are you my grandpa? This is Justin.” “Yes, I am. How are you?” Justin frowned, then said, “I’m fine. How are you?” She heard a faint cough, then her father replied that he was fine. “Where are you?” Tristan asked. “I live in Toronto and I would really like to see you.” Too late, Nicole realized she should have done this on FaceTime. Then the boys could have seen their grandfather and he could have seen them. One step at a time, she reminded herself. Nicole let Justin chatter on about the puppies and hauling hay. Her father made a few responses, but he didn’t have to say much around Justin. “Father, this is Tristan. He wants to say hi,” Nicole said, taking the phone away from Justin. Tristan was more reserved, but soon he was giving out information as freely as his brother. The phone distorted her father’s voice but it wasn’t hard to hear the joy in it. Joy she hadn’t heard in her father’s voice since Hayes left home.
“Hey there, did you guys find the puppies?” Nicole jumped, startling the puppy, then she craned her neck backwards to see Kip standing in the doorway. What was he doing? Checking up on her? “What are you doing with Ms. Williams’s phone?” Kip asked, frowning at Tristan. Tristan looked up, his smile dropping away as soon as he saw his Uncle Kip. “We’re talking to our grandpa,” Justin announced. “He said we are going to stay with him. In Toronto. Can we go, Uncle Kip? Can we?” Nicole’s heart dropped when she saw the thunderous expression cross Kip’s face. “I think you should give the phone back to Ms. Williams, then go back to the house.” “I want to talk to my other grandfather some more,” Justin whined. “Tristan, please give the phone back to Ms. Williams and go with Justin to the house.” Nicole glanced at the little boy who was obviously listening to something her father was saying. Tristan looked from Kip to Nicole, confusion on his features. “Don’t go,” she heard her father say. “Don’t listen to him.” She had to put poor Tristan out of his misery. “I’ll take the phone, sweetie,” she said, holding her hand out. “No. Nicole. I need to talk to them.” “Sorry, Father,” she said quietly. She turned the phone off speaker, then walked away from Kip. “The boys have to go.” “Those boys shouldn’t be there,” her father said. “They should be here with me.” “I know, but not everything is settled yet.” Her father started coughing again, then got his breath. “I’m phoning that lawyer first thing Monday morning. We shouldn’t have to wait for these DNA tests. We know Hayes was their mother.” Nicole glanced over her shoulder at Kip standing in the doorway of the barn watching the boys walk to the house. Obviously, he was sticking around to talk to her. “We have to move slowly on this,” she said to her father. “Those boys have to come back to their home,” he said quietly. “You of all people know why Hayes’s boys need to come back.” As always, his words held a subtext of obligation that was never spoken directly but always hinted at. “Of course I do,” she replied. “I have to go.” As she said goodbye, she felt a moment of sympathy for her father, all alone back home. She couldn’t help comparing his lonely situation to Mary Cosgrove’s. Mary had one daughter with six grandchildren, and she had another daughter and son and two more grandchildren under her roof. The boys weren’t Cosgrove’s. It was as if she had to drum that information into her mind. If she didn’t, then she would start to feel sorry for Mary. And for Kip. She pocketed her phone and turned to face Kip.
“Why did you do that?” he demanded. Any sympathy she might have felt for the man was brushed away in the icy blast of his question. “If you’re thinking I deliberately brought the boys out here so they could talk to my father on the phone, you’re mistaken. He just happened to call while I was out here.” “And you just happened to let the boys talk to him.” “May I remind you that he’s their grandfather?” “That hasn’t been proven beyond a doubt.” “You were willing to let me visit them based on this doubt.” Kip’s eyes narrowed and she knew she had gone too far. “Only because my lawyer told me I should. No other reason.” Nicole knew Kip had not let her willingly onto the farm. She was here on suffrage only. “Regardless of how you see the situation, the man I just spoke to is Hayes’s father—” “And he was never part of the agreement.” Kip took a step closer, and it was all Nicole could do to keep her cool. “You’re not to let the boys talk to your father again without talking to me about it,” he warned, his voice lowering to a growl. “Those poor kids lost their father six months ago, and they don’t need to have any more confusion in their lives.” Nicole struggled to hold his steely gaze. “Finding out that they have a maternal grandfather can hardly be confusing to any child. In fact, many people would see it as a blessing.” That last comment came out before she could stop it, as did the tiny hitch in her voice. She hoped he would put it down to her anger rather than the fact that she had found herself jealous of these boys. Jealous of Kip. He had family that had no strings attached. A mother who doted on him and a sister who, despite her rebellious ways, still cared for him. He didn’t have to try to earn his mother’s love. Try to atone for what he did. Kip’s mouth settled into a grim line, and she felt as if she scored the tiniest point. “That may be, but at the same time I’m their uncle and guardian and responsible for their well-being. Anything you do with them gets run by me. The boys are my priority, not you, or your father.” Nicole bit back a retort, realizing that to some degree he was right. Much as it bothered her, she couldn’t argue with him. Kip shoved his hand through his hair and released a heavy sigh. “I’ve got too much happening right now. I can’t give the boys the explanations they will need if you start complicating their lives.” Nicole held his gaze and for a moment despite her anger with him, sympathy stirred in her soul. Sympathy and something more profound. Respect, even. Regardless of whatever claim Nicole may have, this man was putting the welfare of Justin and Tristan, boys that were not his children, before everything else. Even though his guardianship put them at odds, at the same time she respected what he was doing. She thought of how easily her biological father seemed to give her up. How happy her aunt had been when Social Services came to take her away for good. Despite her aunt’s antagonism, Nicole had wished that she could stay, but her aunt wanted her gone. Those boys don’t know how good they had it. In fact, Nicole was jealous that they had this strong, tough man on their side. A man who had made sacrifices for his nephews. A man who was willing to fight for them. What would have happened in her earlier life if she’d had the same kind of advocate? If she’d had someone who was willing to go to the mat for her welfare? What if she’d had someone like Kip on her side? “I’d like you to leave now,” Kip said quietly. Nicole opened her mouth to protest. “It’s past five,” Kip said. “Of course,” was all she said, knowing that regardless of how righteous she thought her cause was, she had overstepped by not at least consulting him. “I’ll be back tomorrow then.” Kip just nodded. Nicole got up and walked past him, then got into her car. As she drove off, she could see him in her rearview mirror watching her. He could watch and glower all he wanted. She wasn’t letting him intimidate her. She had rights and she was going to exercise them regardless of what he thought of her.
~~~
Two people struggling within their own lives to try to find a life that was better, more meaningful--and hopefully with a personal life of love and connection. These two are caught up in family dynamics that are not only placing pressure on each, but which they are obligated to respond to based upon family... Both have a guilty conscience for their own part in tragedies that occurred for which they feel they were at fault. But none of that is important as the book begins.
Nicole is the director of a foundation which her adopted father started in memory of his wife. They have recently received news that a daughter who had left home many years ago, had died and the police had tracked down her family to report their loss. It was only at that time they learned that she had twin sons... Nicole has been charged to find out where those boys were and bring them home...
She discovers that they live on a farm and also learned that her sister's husband had taken the boys home. But that the boys' father has also died within the last 6 months and his brother has been granted custody as the boys' guardian.
Nicole fell in love with her nephews as soon as they met and began working with lawyers to have them returned to her family--their grandfather. But, let's stop a minute and learn that their grandfather is a rich man who tends to think of how people meet his own personal needs as opposed to what was good for those involved in any given situation. As time goes by, Nicole begins to question what was right for the children as opposed to whose blood-line would control their lives...
And, of course, Nicole and Kip, the boys' guardian slowly began to care about each other as well--perhaps even more than what was going on with the boys...
This heartwarming story spends time on the farm where the boys, who are now 5, have lived since they were just babies. It is clear to readers that they are very happy there and feel safe and secure... Nicole began to see the benefits and watched as the family depended on Kip, maybe too much so... She began to be the person she really was and moved in to help the family respond to the work that had built up since the boys' father had died.
Nicole wound up having to agree to see the boys only at the farm and at set times... Then one day she wanted an earlier time and Kip immediately said no, that they would be in church at that time... But she was welcome to join them there...
And just as the closing song was finishing and she turned to get the boys ready to leave, Kip's sister hurried up and invited her to join the family at her home for a meal... Nicole was being pulled in further and further, and she agreed once she learned that Kip had asked his sister to invite her...
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