Readers, I have begun working with the author of this book to hold one of my usual, fairly extensive and indepth, interviews. It will appear as soon as the author and I both feel comfortable with the exchange, sufficient to be published. In the meantime, the following excerpt will, I hope, provide you with an introduction of this very important topic...
Abuse in Christian culture. It happens not only within certain churches but also in some broader church communities, where the people’s relationships with each other extend outside of the church walls. Since a time in the past when I personally had to recognize an abusive church situation for what it was, I’ve become more aware of how abuse is often tolerated or goes unrecognized in the church and in Christian circles.
Not all Christians have learned a great deal about the various forms abuse takes on. When they think of abuse, it means creepy perverts lurking near schools to prey on innocent children. Or it’s something that’s made evident by that one unfortunate coworker who shows up from home with a bruised mouth or a black eye now and then.
If abuse does involve the church, they automatically think of it as an issue plaguing parts of the Catholic world, possibly including a few abnormal churches of other denominations here and there.
At times,
Christians who don’t all know what they’re celebrating actually celebrate abuse, seeing it presented or practiced under different labels in their churches.
Too often, abuse is confused with godly discipline for Christians submitting to authority. When abuse comes with a misapplied, loving label attached to it, it can be easier for Christians to justify inflicting it, to rationalize accepting it, or even to romanticize it.
As a lifelong book lover, I’ve recently been disturbed while revisiting some of the Christian novels I first read when I was younger, not being fully aware back then when abuse played out in stories before my inexperienced eyes. Because I’ve since grown up, it’s disturbed me even more to see such books still being sold to and praised by Christian audiences, as if it’s swoon-worthy or somehow a display of acceptable masculine authority when men in Christian novels kidnap the women they want, or the men manhandle women into compliance—or when big, strong, handsome heroes force their embraces and kisses on beautiful heroines who didn’t invite or grant permission for that sexual contact. Sometimes the heroines tell those heroes no and struggle to get away from them, but the heroes press right on, ordering the heroines around or exerting physical control over them.
And I comb through online reviews of the books, seeing how few readers mention anything about the way these novels present domineering, disrespectful, and dangerous behavior as “romantic.” I’ve had to wonder, “How has this kind of behavior passed as romance in Christian fiction for this long?
Are Christians truly that unaware of what abuse is, or are Christians that conditioned to accept it or to let it slide?”
It’s a much bigger issue than a question of novels, whether the books are old or new. Abuse isn’t a problem limited only to romantic relationships, and it isn’t only about abusive men, as not all abusers are male, of course.
But the point is that overall abuse in the church continues when Christians can’t or don’t recognize it or are otherwise made to believe that enduring harsh, humiliating, or controlling treatment in Christian culture is simply a part of being patient and humble followers of Christ.
Or they don’t think that kind of treatment means anything is seriously wrong—that it’s only a sign that people, including Christians in authority, aren’t perfect, so we just have to tolerate some bad or questionable treatment.
In the following pages, the outcry against abuse isn’t an exhaustive study on the subject, though I added a few notes at the end for those who may want to look up more information on some of my points. While my personal frame of reference is that of an American and a Protestant, I’m writing this essay for anyone who’s concerned about the overall issue, especially because the issue isn’t limited to any one Christian denomination or organization, any one nationality of people, any one church size, etc.
Hopefully my reflections can raise more Christians’ awareness and understanding of abuse so that we can better stand against it.
Wondering if Saying Something Will Fix Anything
For years, I was reluctant to write about this. I don’t want people to think I’m saying that all churches or all church leaders everywhere are bad. That isn’t what I believe, and I’ve been nervous that some people might get the wrong idea about what I share. Then I thought about the people who may still be where I’ve been before, feeling alone and defeated after being mistreated.
They went to church hoping to draw closer to God and to grow in their faith.
They went to connect with fellow believers and to receive encouragement and counsel. When they joined their church communities, they wanted to love and be loved, and there were probably good days when that happened.
But there was more going on, more that wasn’t right. Somewhere along the line, they started to realize that much of what they experienced in their church communities wasn’t love at all...*
~~~
I will be providing a review as well. But, I have been led by reading this book, to perhaps expand upon it, if there is a need. Information will soon be available on my sister Blog, Just My Personal Opinion, Of course.
I remember a writer who had somehow connected with me about his desire to publish his poetry. I remembered him from his youth when we were attending the same church. I also worked with him as editor to merge his stories into the book, entitled One Man's Madness: Living with AIDS.
I was also privileged to write the Foreword for the book...and used my own limited poetic skills to do so. I found it relevant to this book and would like to share it here...
Joe sat there, looking just a little bit pale,
watching my face, seeking an answering smile
I looked closely and "saw" him coming down a hill;
it was when he was a teen but it seemed just a while.
This young man is dying, much younger than myself,
But his spirit rings aloud, he tries nothing to hide.
We didn't talk of death then, we left it on the shelf.
We talked as new friends about this and that,
the other would abide.
I told him how I came to call, about my urge to reach him.
He told me of his need for me; for what he did not know.
I told him chances of publishing a book were very, very slim.
But still, I knew, word after word, from his heart and mind did flow.
His inner life--thoughts, fears and pain,
were placed upon those sheets,
I typed them all, delving in deeper and deeper,
and then would go back again.
He told of a stranger, frozen, cold and feeding,
who stole his body's heat.
I couldn't relate, yet knew how to help,
checking his words with my pen.
He thanked his "Higher Power," I asked,
do you mean God?"
He shared a male preacher abused him when young,
after that, attending church had been hard.
Many who would hear of my work,
would consider it to be strange or odd...
But I knew that his words,
from his heart had been wrung,
so I neither stopped nor paused.
We both knew and agreed, this book must be shared.
For whatever reason, we two had been paired,
God brings folks together, as part of His plan.
In this case, a single, Christian woman, and a
homosexual man.
AIDS is the stranger, killer of lives.
Nobody is safe from it, everyone dies.
This young man named Joe fights daily to win
Though his legs now carries him, to a chair,
one day, he'll be penned.
But the fight and courage keeps him going and going,
How can we not fight, then, along side of him?
And if, when needed, we must share God's great love,
For, sometimes, the fire inside the infected grows dim.
Then hug him tight; hold him, as Jesus would,
It's bound to be what God would have you do.
Remember, friend, right now there isn't a cure.
As with the lepers, from His love--take your cue.
AIDS victims are God's children, too;
their lives may be different than yours, friend, or mine.
But He sees inside where hearts seek Him true.
And His Love we must offer--The Virus to bind!
One Man's MADNESS: Living With AIDS
Published by Joseph Michael Fortney
1998
All highlights or emphases are mine...
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