R. D. Murray Debuts With Page-Turner - My Dead Blue Caterpillar!

Karen had met her one true love in high school and they'd been married ever since. Karen did everything for him--when he came home, she had dinner ready and waiting, got up early to iron his clothes so that by the time he would leave for work, he looked great. And his smile and loving goodbye held her throughout the day...

Until it didn't. Harold had isolated Karen--she hadn't seen her family for three years. That wouldn't have been so bad, except Harold worked constantly and Karen was often alone...and lonely.

Meet Karen

and

 Good Karen and Bad Karen

It’s funny, just looking at him reminds me of how great a night we had and how horrible I feel this morning. Harold is like alcohol. He goes down so nice and easy, you can have the time of your life, but when it wears off, you’re reminded of your pain. Shit, you might even vomit on yourself, 
but I love alcohol and I love Harold.
~~~

...I remember sneaking off with him and fooling around on the roof of the school that night. We were so scandalous as teenagers. I think to myself now, what the hell were we doing? But then there is a part of me that says, I wish we could hold onto those days now. I miss those days. 

I don’t know what happened last night, but Harold made me feel like that young girl again. That girl he so eagerly wanted. He brought those feelings back at least for one night. The way we made love last night was so amazing, but this is not who we are. We are not the same people anymore. 

In our early thirties, we have become something else. We have become animals in our own right. I guess I can’t think of the good without the bad creeping in. You see, I’ve been fighting with two personalities in my brain for some time now. One wants me to die while the other wants me to live. They always interfere with each other. One thinks with evil intent while the other has a lot of good in her, even though I think she’s bad as well at times. Let’s say she’s the least of the two evils. Just don’t let her hear you say that. 

I call the two parts of me Good Karen, and Bad Karen. I wake up every day wondering which personality will win. I know it sounds crazy, but that’s who I am. I love my husband so much, but I feel like he is slowly fueling the fire. He is feeding the badness in me. I love him dearly, but he is the one ruining my life.

As I gaze at this cover, I realize how much it represents this very unique debut by R. D. Murray. Karen, the main character, is hidden from life by her husband, who she loves dearly. But when left alone so much, she begins to dwell mostly on internal conversations, trying to understand how she got this life, when she loves her husband so much...

We all have both good and bad tendencies in our human nature. But once Karen realizes that her isolation is not what her life should be, she begins to look toward some answer, some way to change how her life has evolved... You see, Harold trusts Karen. She has followed whatever he has said and done whatever he said...until...until she is no longer willing to be the silent member of the marriage. She starts by going into his home office, where she has never been before...

What she finds there is immediately understandable... Harold has a book of women's names and addresses--with notes about some of them, perhaps saying she is his favorite, or other thoughts...

“THE BEST WAY TO GET REVENGE IS A LITTLE BIT TODAY, A LITTLE MORE TOMORROW, AND A WHOLE LOT EVERY DAY AFTER THAT.”

Kill Bill was mentioned in the book, and it was easy to see the correlation for what happens as Karen discovers that not only does her husband have one mistress...he has many! Bad Karen was quick to tell her to kill him, or kill herself to get away from him (which she often tried to get her to do)... but Good Karen would talk about her life, telling her to find that independent, special woman that she had been before being not only subordinated by her husband but also his not being faithful!

Karen wanted revenge--the question was how was she going to get it?

Karen had decided what to do, but she could not ever have expected what secrets started to be revealed. I began, like eating a potato chip, for which it is always said that you can't eat just one...I read the book in one setting, but the taste of the book is not easily swallowed and enjoyed. Karen had decided on revenge, but discovering just what her husband was involved with, related to violence, criminal activities, and the betrayals she discovered were overwhelming... Actually downright disgusting. Her drive for revenge grew...

I wondered about the potential connection between a serial cheating husband and whether there is an evolutionary movement into criminal activities. And then, at the end, with still another surprise, Harold begins talking about Good Karen and Bad Karen... I admit that I felt deprived as the book ended...I wanted to proceed on with the story, refusing that it was possibly ending as it was in the last few pages...

The book will not be for everybody, so make sure you read sufficient information/reviews to decide you want to read the book. In many ways, I felt the book was aimed more at women than men, although the next book may prove me wrong. Many women are purposely left in a vacuum of loneliness by a husband who supposedly works many hours. Karen, instead of thinking through the situation that had been created by her marriage, had allowed it to fester, internally believing that love was enough to keep herself happy... But love without a responsive feedback soon festers and breeds unhappiness and...possibly...contempt...

Murray presents a dark drama that is, at first, unbelievable, and even mind-boggling. No, it's not a realistic tale, nor is it totally fantasy. Some may think that the activities of Harold are overkill. In fact, each of the activities with which Harold was involved are now happening all over the world, in one way or another. Sexual exploits and Human trafficking are just examples, horrible to consider, but worse in the reality. The author creates a world in which Harold, along with like-minded individuals, live to respond to their own desires and their thirst for money and power, caring not about anybody who is hurt by their actions. Even the bright spot of the introduction of a police officer became a dark scene... as he too faces one of the common crises happening today.

Yet, Karen's responses seemed to be right--Good and Bad Karen was rarely considered. Had Karen gained sufficient courage and strength to ensure what needed to be done, was done? You may want to wait until the next book is out before reading the debut, but I do highly recommend you read this first book. It is an important book, but does need the second one to be a satisfactory read. Still, this is a story like no other, amazing, gut-wrenching, and yet...it is almost compulsively to be consumed...  I've followed the author on Amazon so I will know when the next book is ready! I was that impressed with it... 

GABixlerReviews

R.D. Murray was born and raised in Harlem, New York. He has written for Alfred Hitchcock magazine and has a Bachelor's Degree in cultural arts from Empire State College. His love of writing thrillers, mysteries and suspense novels has translated into an explosive debut novel.