After reading My Dead Blue Caterpillar (Read my view), many readers will wonder and want to know more about the writer, so I asked him to share here at Book Readers Heaven...
From Bullied to Author:
There is hope for you
By R. D. Murray
I have to start off by saying that this is a very hard topic and piece to write, but when I was in the 3rd grade I was bullied so badly and so often that at age eight I wanted to kill myself. My name is Rasheed Murray and I was born and raised in New York City, specifically the neighborhood referred to as Harlem. The fast and mean streets of New York City did nothing to harm me directly.
My problems were never with the impoverished neighborhood I grew up in because my hellish nightmare had always occurred in my elementary school. This was not because a staff member harmed me physically or sexually, not because the school didn’t have heat or air conditioning, but because of bullies who tortured me for a three-year period. I was shy, quiet and awkward. I guess I was an easy target if you want to say that. I was thrown in the boy’s bathroom by these 3 particular kids who would punch and kick me as hard as they could.
I could barely walk as everyday they would abuse me over, and over again. The other kids in school would just laugh at me and no one actually helped. There were a few young ladies who tried to defend me but they were outnumbered. In fact, many of the other children who watched and knew about my abuse would slowly join in on the abuse themselves, as if it was a game that required audience participation.
As the bullies abused me questions would pop into my head.“Why are they doing this to me? What did I do to deserve this? Why isn’t anyone helping me?” My thoughts were all over the place at times “help, Mommmmmmmy, I love people…. Kids….. animals, Why.”
(This video has been disabled but it is worth watching on UTube.)
I remember having the entire class chase me out of school one day. I ran, and cried, up until the point where I almost got hit by a dark blue sports car going well over the speed limit. I didn’t care, I had to cross that street before “they got me.” I just remember that car speeding towards me, and stopping inches in front of me. The moans and sighs of relief from the people in the streets, let me know that they were as relieved that I was that I didn’t get hit. If that car actually hit me, things would have been pretty bad for me because I was running so fast that I didn’t even see my mother who was coming to pick me up. An act she got used to doing not only because I was young, but also because my safety was her number one priority.
One day I got so sick of being treated this way I made the decision to end my life. I wanted to jump off a roof rather than go to school. But, instead I decided to be an obedient child and go back to school, and wouldn’t you know it, the bullying only got worse. I was teased, and laughed at daily, and the kids even threw food at me during my lunch period. The principle didn’t do much, the teachers were helpless, and the only person who was my advocate was my mother. My mother would come to my school and fight for me with the school administrators, and once she was so enraged due to the lack of leadership and support, she even tried to fight one of the bullies. Sadly, and despite her actions, the bullying continued up until I got to middle school, and away from many of those bullies.
Till this day, I do not know why I didn’t kill my self but thanks to God, I am beyond overjoyed to still be alive, and here on this earth. God saved me and I found writing. It was an outlet to take me away from the pain I was going through in this world. For those three long years the bullying didn’t stop, but the writing I began as a child took me away from this world and brought me to another place, a place were bullies got what they deserved.
During those hellish years, I started to create different characters, and a different world just to escape. Thanks to writing I survived the bullying and I believe deeply that writing really saved my life. Now at the age of 42 with the large support from my wife, my children, and my mother, I just released my first novel. My Dead Blue Caterpillar which is currently on Amazon Kindle and peaked at number 73 on their Top 100 for Free Downloads in the category of suspense.
So please know if you are ever bullied, know that you can survive your circumstance and become anyone you want. You are worth everything. You can rise like me and become the special person that you are destined to be. Nothing last forever, not even pain as promising as it appears to be. Continue to fight the good fight, advocate for yourself, and always believe in the promise of tomorrow, the fact that it does get better, and ultimately, in yourself and the future you that you are meant to become.
My name is Rasheed Murray. I am 42 years old and I’m from New Jersey. I been writing for over ten years. This is my first release.
I am always happy to have role models appear in my life, who have gone through terrible times and yet found the strength to get through it, and share that it does get better... It's important that children who are getting bullied have someone to support them...parents, teachers, or relatives and friends. Especially those who are willing to stand tall and speak back to bullies! As with Rasheed, I was bullied, but it was verbal and I have told this before... I really think God's spirit tells us what to say, when we listen... I don't remember my age, probably in grade school, but my uncle and our family was at my grandmother's home... My uncle called me "Fatty" and went on to say something. I didn't answer. My mother said, "Glenda, Dale's talking to you..." I responded, "That's not my name." And walked away... I have no idea what occurred thereafter, but I was feeling pretty good, for saying what I said! Of course, that didn't stop other kids also acting out, but you get the idea...
Some kids can be so cruel! What's interesting to me, is that Rasheed chose to write in his novel about the little voices we all have in our heads... You know, the ones who tell us what to do, good and bad... Perhaps it is just those individuals who have grown up with some form of bullying, I don't know... but those voices have haunted me all my life... I can just hear the bad voice, telling me, "Go slap that man's face, for not being nice..." Thankfully, the good voice mostly wins
Thank you Rasheed for sharing here at Book Readers Heaven... We welcome further contributions when you want to come back! Glenda