Ted Dekkr's Heaven's Wager - A Mockery? - Personal Opinion Discussion

 “And all along, the drama unfolding in the spirit world is hardly noticed but no less real. In fact, it is the real story. We just tend to forget that because we cannot see it.”

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Anthony_van_Dyck_-_Mocking_of_Christ.jpg

She looked at her mother again. Helen had clenched shut her eyes and lifted her chin so that the skin on her neck stretched taut. Her face rose ashen to the ceiling and Gloria saw then that her mother was crying. Not crying and smiling like Spencer. But crying with a face painted in horror. “Mom?” she asked, suddenly worried. “Oh, God! Oh, God, please. Please, no!” Helen’s fingers dug deep into the chair arms. Her face grimaced as though she were enduring the extracting of a bullet without an anesthetic. “Mother! What’s wrong?” Gloria sat straight, memories of the incredible laughter dimmed by this sight before her. “Stop it, Mother!” Helen’s muscles seemed to tense at the command. She did not stop it. “Oh, please God, no! Not now. Please, please, please . . .” From her vantage, Gloria could see the roof of her mother’s mouth, surrounded by white dentures, like a pink canyon bordered by towering pearl cliffs. A groan broke from Helen’s throat like moaning wind from a deep, black cavern. A chill descended Gloria’s neck. She could not mistake the expression worn by Helen now—it was the face of agony. “Nooooo!” The sound reminded Gloria of a woman in childbirth. “Noooo . . .” “Mother! Stop it right now! You’re frightening me!” She jumped up from the chair and rushed over to Helen. Up close she saw that her mother’s whole face held a slight tremor. She dropped to her knee and grabbed her mother’s arm. “Mother!” Helen’s eyes snapped open, staring at the ceiling. The moan ran out of air. Her eyes skipped over the white plaster above. She mumbled softly. “What have you shown me? What have you shown me?” She must have found herself then, because she suddenly clamped her mouth shut and dropped her head. For a moment they stared at each other with wide eyes.

I stopped reading this book at about 60% last night... I just couldn't take any more of this writer's "Wager." 

Over 20 years ago, I'd learned of this author--about his books which covered the supernatural aspect of God. I don't remember whether I read at least one to see what it was all about. If I don't remember, that probably means that I wasn't impressed... I do know that I've not read any of his books since that time. However, as you know, I'm a member of BookBub and this book was offered to me based upon my expression of interest in Christian books. So I decided to give the book a try. Not really considering the exact name of the book until I mentioned it Tuesday here on my blog.

You see, right from the very beginning I was having problems with the author's...writing... Quite a surprise given his number of books... This book, though, appears to be an attempt to write a contemporary story, which I found more like horror rather than Christian... In any event, I had the weirdest dream just before I woke up this morning.

A meal with ham had been served and I was apparently cleaning up afterward. Somebody had gotten to the remaining ham first and hacked it badly... There were chunks which included internal fat lines for one. It obviously had not been prepared for future use... As I was in the midst of picking it up with my hands, trying to figure out what to do with it--and eating a few bits as we all do--I began to notice that something was "attacking" me. I realized that something within the ham was doing it. Should I throw out all that was left? I didn't know how the preparer of that ham would feel so I kept on getting "bitten" by something... Until I woke up... 

This is the word that came to my mind upon waking: 

Mockery...

I knew immediately that referred to this book

And that I should write about it after all...

When this happens, I don't just start writing. First I checked when this book was copyrighted (2000) but this book I'd been reading was published as a "debut" in 2010. I then went to Amazon and read a couple of the low ranking reviews. They also questioned the concept for various reasons. Then, for some reason, I remembered the Biblical reference of demons being moved into swines (pig - ham dream) and they running off a cliff... Now I know there are probably connections to all that I had not worked out. So this discussion relates just to the book itself, if I may...

Dekker begins the book without any leadin; that is, the setting, the background or the characters. Lots of authors do this, but as I moved on, I realized two points:

The main "villain" had been working much overtime to create a banking program that could be used across the whole banking area. He had succeeded and rushed home to tell his wife and child that they were going to be able to enjoy life more, starting with a trip to celebrate. I recall that I was happy for him/them...

Then the next major thing that struck me was that his wife, his son, and his wife's mother routinely met for prayer. They had been praying for the "villain" for 5 years... There was no explanation for this supposed need for prayer for that many years, other than that he worked too hard and didn't participate in their religious lives, even though he at one point told his son he believed in God...

Now this prayer activity got into supernatural interaction with God... And the book points out that those in Heaven didn't know what to do about all these prayers... ??? that had been coming for years.

In the meantime, the programmer had completed his system development and it had been submitted for recognition at a large event...

The subtitle of this series is Martyr Song 1 - But, from my understanding of the term Martyr, I really wasn't sure who the martyr was... But, death does strike for two (at the point where I stopped)

Because the assumed "martyr" of the book was called back home. He was to be the main speaker, but it had now been done by his boss who had contributed very little to the project. His wife had died by the time he got there...

Within weeks, his son had been killed in an accident... Somewhere along the lines, Job was thrown in as a possible tie in...I didn't think it was relevant given the book's content...

So let's stop and take a look at the title: Heaven's Wager... You will see that I pulled in a hit song from years ago about the Devil going down to Georgia. In fact, there have been literally hundreds if not millions of books that revolve about Christianity and the relation to demons, the devil and violence from other humans! I can immediately think of some that I've reviewed here... Declan Finn, in my opinion, has done the best writing on this topic...

I've probably said this before but I picked out a video that speaks to what I'm trying to say:

Have you ever heard of The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy?

When I was a child, I learned the song above, as a children's choir song... As a literal reader, I learned that I was to hate the devil... In fact, I believed this so much that I would not even allow myself to say that name... or sing it in the song. Years later, I went to see a movie with a friend when it first came out: The Exorcist scared me so much that I almost fell and would have as I was leaving if my friend had not helped me by grabbing my arm... I believed that demons did exist...

But then I learned that when you are older, you put away childish things--that is, you learn that many of your fears are based upon stories--either heard over and over or read to you as if it was God's Truth...

As you all know, I've been struggling since evangelical christians chose to support a criminal, a conman, for president. The logic is just not there for this to have happened. I know that, but then...WHY? Could it be that this particular president has a habit of talking over and over and over things that he wants us to believe? And, even when we can produce videos of his changing his words/his opinion only what he has said over and over and over is remembered?

If we allow ourselves to believe based upon repeated rhetoric without any Truth behind what is being said, then we are prone to accept them and they become a self-fulfilling prophesy... Remember when Trump said he thought he could kill somebody on the street and get away with it? Well, consider that hundreds of people have already been killed within the last 6 months by bombing of boats in South America... Or consider that millions have died based upon the first closure of USAID to people around the world, simply by two men pulling the money and deleting the program... AND, choosing to burn the inventory that was available rather than give it out...

Obviously we could go on about hundreds of firings or deletions of programs... We can see that the pardons now being given, possibly bought, are all for profit of the president... Yes, including a major drug czar from South America who was just pardoned...

Now, with those thoughts, let's go back to the villain of Heaven's Wager, which implies that the fight is between Heaven and Hell... Or, specifically in this book, the family who loves the villain versus the rich men (2) who decided to take the bonus of millions for those who created the new bank computer system...

You see, the premise apparently is that taking his wife and son was the "wager" provided on one side. While the loss of millions and the villains subsequent actions--planning to steal the millions he felt he was due--on the other side... But, wait a minute. Dekker shows visions of his wife and son being happy with God--which of course makes the God side a good thing? 

To me, The Word Mockery Denied that part of the equation... And, Indeed Jesus had been Mocked by many during His life...

And, while one side is supposedly heavenly; the other side is primarily rich men who are stealing the portion of the millions that was due to the actual creator of the program... Purely human actions in my opinion and cannot be considered as the Devil's part of the wager. After all, the men had the choice of how that money was to be distributed...

And then it begins...

This is when I stopped reading, because we then go into pages and pages of how the programmer plans to get his millions... and, even, takes the time, to meet with his old girlfriend who makes it clear she doesn't support what he plans... Then begins the stealing, including of a body...and so much more. It became, frankly, boring if you want to be real about it--it just did not fit with the beginning of the story. Now, if you were really a genius of using computers, do you really think that the guy needed to steal a truck to pick up a dead body... Why NOT use the computer that he supposedly knows... It tells you what he's going to do...but then he gets hung up with what he's going to do to not get caught... Duh... A flaw in author's writing--his lack of computer expertise of its capabilities?

From a reader's standpoint, I'd give the book a 2, maybe even 1 if I had been forced to continue reading... And it takes a lot for me to stop in the middle of a book... 

From a conceptual point of view, the attempt to place miracles into contemporary settings has been far better done--I've reviewed them! From a personal viewpoint, whether my dream and the word Mockery was from my own brain or a true God Incident, I'm not going to try to persuade you...my dream was my dream... 

I'm going to close with a personal note. Some time in my early life, my mother said about her husband/my father that "God always takes the Good Ones First." Even at that early age, I didn't accept that God had taken my father. I still don't. Just the thought is, to me, illogical. Why did Lazarus get to come back? You might ask... Why doesn't God heal everybody because we know He can? These are all illogical to me. Especially in the year 2025. My father was kicked by a horse which was being led out of the mines in 1944. I don't profess to understand why millions are being killed through war caused by power-seeking men. What I do know is that God gave us Free Will. And allowed us to use it as we wanted... There is NO WAY that God should be blamed, in my mind...

What do you think?

GABixlerReviews

Took a lunch break! OMG! What happened to "Do No Harm?"? Is there anything that can be done by this administration, without an automatic awareness that MONEY IS IN THE DECISION-MAKING...

As opposed to Promised Affordability for all citizens...

Gabby

Carol Denise Mitchell at her FINEST Presents INTERRUPTED! A Personal Favorite for 2025

 Interrupted, that was supposed to be their beginning of forever...

Interrupted, all of it had only been a dream...

 

"Lord, maintain my spirit as it is, but transform me in ways that will most benefit my child. I do not wish to be the mother who shares a series of sorrowful tales with my child. I am weary of being the one who plays second fiddle to every man. When Shun called, I felt a
sense of relief. "Mommy, I miss you. When will you return home?" he inquired. "I am currently on the plane, sweetheart. I will be home shortly," I replied, attempting to create a sense of tranquility. I was 
beginning to descend into despair. "Is Munday coming with you, Mommy? I love him dearly," Shun lamented. "We will discuss it later. I assure you we will," I responded. After the call, I felt a burning sensation in my chest. My head began to spin, and I started to dry heave. A kind older woman seated beside me attempted to assist me in coping with
this distress. "It appears to be love. I have experienced it myself, dear. It is not as terrible as it seems. Love that is lost can be rediscovered in the
future when we possess the necessary tools to improve it," she remarked. Heavily burdened by Munday's actions, I could only nod in agreement with the kind woman's comforting words. Moments later, I
hurried to the private restroom. There, I experienced a complete nervous breakdown like the ones you hear about in an insane asylum. I sat down on the low toilet seat with the engine noise covering up the veracity of my screams." My affection for you is immense, my dear. How could you betray me in this manner? What about the love we once shared? How could you do this to me, Munday? Carla assured me she would inform
Malasia that I was alright for this family. She cared for me deeply. I had feelings for her as well. What mistake did I make?" I sobbed, striking my fists into my palms until they turned red. Tears streamed down my face, shifting from cold to hot, initiating this emotional turmoil that resonated in my neck and deep within my soul. My throat became parched, as the tears transformed into painful scratches in my dry throat, intensifying my suffering. "Money never prevented your family from destroying her life. That woman sacrificed her partner and child solely for the Kouris family to preserve its reputation. No one ever recognized me except for you, Munday. Am I too Black to bear the Kouris name? Why didn't you inform me that I failed the inheritance test, Munday? Oh, how I adore uttering your name. Monday with a 'u'—I love you. Is a Black woman unworthy of the Kouris name? What about love? I love you without the
typical samples of scorned lovers. What is it like to make love to Munday? I will never experience that. Ask Melinda," I yelled, gazing up at the blinding sunroof of the plane. No one else has penetrated this
deep into my heart, you bastard! I screamed. "How could you be with her?" I cried. "How am I going to live on this earth without you?" I screamed as I banged both fist into the cheap panel above the toilet. 
Soon after I vomited, I received Munday's last call. I was glad it had come out of the presence of such kind hearts on this plane.

"I am pleased that you answered the phone this time. You are a woman, not a child, Karise. Everyone makes mistakes. It is essential for you to rectify this situation. Get off of that plane and return to me
immediately. I needed to process the ordeal that woman caused me in order to be a good husband to you and a father to Shun. Life is not merely composed of sweetness and ease. Perfection is an illusion, and you must not allow a single indiscretion to dictate your feelings to the extent that you abandon me forever. Stop all of this crying, girl. Act like my woman and return to Santorini at once," Munday insisted. 

"Are you done?" I inquired. "Proceed," he replied. The other betrayals I have experienced in my life will not facilitate this for you. I could agree to your request. I could reverse this flight and be with you immediately, but you do not merit that. Here is the situation. I love you Munday with every grain of my being and would prefer to depart from here cherishing you for the remainder of my life than to allow you to take advantage of me. I am returning home on Monday. I intend to transform my life for
my child and for myself. My love for you surpasses what you will ever comprehend, and if this love is to endure, I require time to feel, endure pain, weep, and determine whether all of this justifies our being together whether it be, today or tomorrow. Ultimately, it is God who will determine the outcome of this relationship. At this moment, neither of us holds the reins," I concluded. I remember how I forcefully hung up the phone. I wept more intensely, realizing I had committed the gravest error of my life. Later, when one of the flight attendants pulled me from the restroom, I settled into the recliner and slept throughout the journey back to San Francisco. I was resolved in my decision to move forward from all of this with changes that no one would believe.

Malasia

"I cannot believe you did that to her, Munday. Before you returned home to Greece, all you spoke of was Karise. We all owe that girl a significant apology for what we subjected her to," Malasia stated sincerely. "I love her, Mom. My baby broke down on the plane alone with no one there to comfort her. I am sick behind it. I don't care how long it takes; I will make this all up to her and Shun no matter how long it takes. She has been away for a week, and I have not encountered Melinda since, because I love Karise and I told Melinda so. I have destroyed our relationship," Munday wept. His loving mother was hurt ten times more over all of this than he was. "You will win her back, Munday and when you do we will make it up to her. However, it will take some time. Why on earth did you heed Johnathan's advice? Your father is a scoundrel with ill intentions and lacks a moral compass. "I can only hold myself accountable. I love her, Mom. Perhaps in time, she will recognize that and return to me," he concluded.

Michelle
When Karise’s mother Dina called her to tell her what happened to Karise in Greece, Michelle was beyond herself in grief. She recalled having Munday’s phone number in her black book. She dialed the number several times. Each time the call was routed to voicemail. "If I had not known Munday well, I would never have permitted you to travel all the way to another country to be deceived by a 24-year-old boy,"
Michelle remarked. A few months after her return home, Karise vacated Munday's Penthouse. She returned his keys to the front office in trade for the keys to her previous apartment. She obtained a new and superior position at a financial firm and retained the black and gold Mercedes as a form of collateral for all the damage that Munday had put her through. Despite still being in love with him, Karise changed her phone number and instructed Shun's school to remove Munday from the permission list to see her son. The only silver lining in ending her relationship with Munday was that they never engaged in sexual relations. It seemed that whenever they were about to make love, some obstacle always arose to interrupt it. God was merciful. This served as a sign for Karise to
concentrate on raising her son and advancing her new career as an accountant in downtown San Francisco. Her sole desire was to nurture her son into a good man who would not engage in the types of games she had consistently faced with men. When mail was received, or when gifts were brought, Karise disposed of Munday's presents in the trash. For her, it was over. Learning from experiences is an excellent way to
become stronger in life. At times, Shun found it more difficult than she did, as Munday had acted more like a father to her son than his biological father. Munday set up a college fund for Shun prior to his departure for Greece, which was valued at over $500,000. For this, Karise was forever thankful. However, it was not sufficient for her to compromise her principles. She still needed to serve as a role model for her son, who
always came first in her life.

~~~~

I've been reading Books by Denise since 2008 when she wrote, What Happened to Suzy? and have read her books whenever I had a chance... But, her latest, I must say, is her best! In fact, she set out to do just that--write her best! And she even explains:

INTERRUPTED, explores love, resilience, and redemption, set against the backdrop of Greece and the complexities of family and fame. Carol writes not just to entertain, but to inspire. Her books are a gift to future generations, reminding readers that beauty, strength, and purpose can rise from even the most interrupted paths.

Readers will never know what her next book will be about. Her first book was about child abuse, while the last one I read was about investigating what really happened to a favorite singer of hers... Do type in her name in the right column and discover one or more of her books you might be interested in... She writes about things she is passionate about--I guess that's why I just keep on reading her--as you might have guessed, I get passionate about things too... especially injustice...

This book is no different, but, for me, there was a different vibe coming from Carol's writing this time... But no matter what, she stands and speaks for women and her race... In this book, she is confronted with a Greek mother who sees only her daily life as a mother--trying to take care of a child alone, not really caring about keeping herself presentable... All you young mothers know what I mean! But, a young boy/man saw her caring for her child. They lived in the same building and he would watch her. He saw her kisses of that child at every turn... He saw the natural love she gave and he responded to it... Thinking that her love was much like he had received from his own mother...

But it was, later, his mother, who didn't see her as her son saw her... Rather, she saw her as a rich and proud Greek who didn't identify with the young Black mother she saw in a few pictures...

That was not the first time that Karise had met a man with questionable motives...

But she had found that out only after she had married him and had his child, Shun, and then having him decide he didn't want to stay married or have a son... He had already found another woman he wanted to marry... Yeah, his payoff of $1M was enough, but it never alleviated the pain and suffering of a rejected new mother.

Munday was another rich man, but had made his life as an actor the main part of his life. He was young and very good looking, of course, and even was dark enough for Karise to wonder whether he had Black roots in his body... In any event, they began a mutual "stalking" of watching from their apartment windows to see when the other went outside... Soon Munday spoke to her and they became neighborly ...and slowly... more...

It was a lovely and fun part of the book that delighted me in the simplicity of it all...

But Munday's mother, and aunt, had Huntington's disease, and he was contacted to be with his mother during this latest event. It happened that Munday had to leave just before their planned "connection" was to happen... And months went by...

But Munday kept in touch with Karise and talked about her with his family while he was in Greece. Soon, however, his mother decided she had to do something--which led to a conspiracy which included paying Munday's past lover to come back to tempt him away from Karise...

Years passed and Munday's fame continued to rise. He was busy, but so was Karise... Thinking of her future she returned to her education and soon began working and doing well... She had begun to dress for her success and soon was being courted by many other men, but she was loyal to Munday, still hoping, still planning...

But his mother's plan had been devastating to both Karise and Munday... But, when he decided he had to "wash that woman out of his hair," he went to talk to her where she promptly started stripping... Yeah, you guessed it... until...six years later...

Munday, six years later:

Six years after she left him looking lost and disheveled at the Santorini Hotel, Actor Munday Kouris snagged an Academy Award for his incredibly convincing performance in Director Armando Polizo’s film, Twice-Denied. His portrayal of a blind painter who falls for his stunning Italian teacher shattered box office records. Blogs and influencers nationwide were curious about the source of the deep pain he expressed in that film. Still hurting from the loss of the only woman he ever absolutely loved, Munday Kouris walked the red-carpet solo. He had dated his co-star from "Twice Denied," but there was no romantic connection. On the night he received his award, the actor thanked his mother for her unwavering love and support, as well as his sister Marta who was in the audience, and a woman he met in San Francisco named Karise who would forever hold his heart. “I love you, and I’m sorry for how things turned out in Greece. Our love took a different path, but I still hope that somehow, someway, we’ll find our way back to each other. I can still feel your fingers on my face, and I cherish the wonderful moments we all shared in San Francisco...

But can Karise ever stop crying? Especially when her first husband came, seeing his son and admiring his life, then tried to become involved again? She has created a professional life that she is proud of. Her son is looking toward college some day... Where is her life heading? What do you think? Has her life been INTERRUPTED too many times? Does Love continue through time? Highly recommended!

GABixlerReviews

Thank you for reading. Thank you for feeling. And thank you for being my friends for all of my writing journeys.

With love, Carol Denise Mitchell

More from Michael A. Smith, Ongoing Historical Contributor - The Scopes Trial, Christian Nationalism, and the Ongoing War on Science

 

Abstract: The Scopes Trial, Christian Nationalism, and the Ongoing War on Science

Michael A. Smith 

Historian | Author | Public Theologian

The 1925 Scopes “Monkey” Trial was more than a dispute over biology textbooks; it was a cultural reckoning between modern science and traditional Christian belief. Taking place just decades after Charles Darwin’s On the Origin of Species (1859) and The Descent of Man (1870), the trial exposed a nation divided over whether faith or science would shape public education and national identity.

In “The Scopes Monkey Trial 100 Years Later” (Smith, 2025), I argue that the trial became a nexus point for America’s unresolved tensions between religion and modernity. While John Scopes’ conviction was overturned, the underlying conflict never disappeared. Instead, it evolved into the culture wars of the late 20th century and is now revived in contemporary Christian nationalism. Today’s war on science—from climate change denial to restrictions on reproductive healthcare—is not accidental but intentional, forming a central plank of the Christian nationalist agenda and the Project 2025 political playbook embraced by the Republican Party.

This article pairs with my book, Christian to Fundamentalism to Christian Nationalism: A Primer of the Dangers to American Democracy (Smith, 2024), which situates the rise of Christian nationalism within the longer trajectory of American religious and political history. Together, these works emphasize that the “Scopes conflict” is not an isolated episode but part of a century-long struggle over knowledge, authority, and national destiny. Placed in conversation with Edward J. Larson’s Pulitzer Prize–winning Summer for the Gods: The Scopes Trial and America’s Continuing Debate over Science and Religion (1997), my contributions extend the scholarly dialogue by linking past conflicts to the urgent challenges facing democracy today.

---

📚 Key Sources for Further Study

• Smith, Michael A. (2025). “The Scopes Monkey Trial 100 Years Later.” The Christian Century, July, pp. 60–64. See: https://www.christiancentury.org/features/scopes-monkey-trial-and-evolution-fundamentalism
• Smith, Michael A. (2024). Christian to Fundamentalism to Christian Nationalism: A Primer of the Dangers to American Democracy. Ontario: Global Book Publishers.
• Larson, Edward J. (1997). Summer for the Gods: The Scopes Trial and America’s Continuing Debate over Science and Religion. Basic Books.

Refer to book info...

See: https://gabixlerreviews-bookreadersheaven.blogspot.com/2025/08/michael-smith-presents-from-christian.html

~~~

Bringing a brief statement for your edification. I personally have no problem between religion and science... I believe God intends us to use his gifts and improve their worth, just like in the parable of the Talents... Science and God's Truth fall in line with all that He Created...I have never seen a reason to argue with either, other than to say that some mistakes have occurred in scientific research. However, that can also be said for religious actions, especially what we are seeing with Christian Nationalism which includes violence as a part of what is "believed" has to happen...

If we don't have the courage to use our God-given talents, they may be taken away; e.g., from this administration especially related to health care, and returned it to those who have studied science as a God-given set of skills/profession...

God Bless

Gabby

Contributed by "Rachel Elizabeth" - What Have You Developed As An Understanding of Your Life? And Mine...

Whatever happens to you between birth and age 12 becomes a blueprint how you love, truth, attach, and protect yourself as an adult.

Not because you remember it consciously, but because your nervous system does...

Here's the psychology behind it...

 Inner Child Healing* (I have added two books mentioned by this FB group...)

rsonStpeod 3P0i0ee3af bmte80c3am0u1h760a533116 igu :8MD5ga9r6 ·

Here’s the psychology behind it:

0 to 2 years: The foundation of your attachment system

This is the most critical window of development.

At this age, your brain is learning:

• “Is the world safe?”

• “Do people come when I cry?”

• “Is love predictable or unpredictable?”

• “Are my emotions soothed or ignored?”

And the answers don’t come from words, they come from experience:

• a caregiver’s tone of voice

• facial expressions

• how quickly they respond

• whether they comfort or dismiss

• whether they’re consistent or unpredictable

Your nervous system forms its first blueprint here. And it follows you into adulthood.

2 to 7 years: The subconscious absorbs EVERYTHING

A child in this stage lives in theta brainwave state, meaning they don’t question experiences… they absorb them as truth.

This is where patterns form around:

• how emotions are handled

• how conflict is handled

• whether needs are allowed

• whether vulnerability is safe

• what love “looks like”

Psychology shows that patterns like:

• people-pleasing

• fawning

• shutting down

• perfectionism

• emotional avoidance

• anxious or avoidant attachment

…all begin here.

Not because the child chose them but because these patterns helped them survive.

7 to 12 years: Identity and core beliefs take shape

Now children begin forming meaning:

• “Who am I?”

• “How should I be in relationships?”

• “Is it safe to express myself?”

• “Do people care how I feel?”

This is where deep beliefs are internalized, such as:

• “I’m too much.”

• “I have to be strong.”

• “No one listens to me.”

• “My feelings don’t matter.”

• “Love feels like anxiety.”

• “Needing someone makes me unsafe.”

These beliefs don’t disappear.

They become adult patterns, until someone consciously heals them. If you’ve ever wondered why you attract certain people…

why you shut down…

why you fear abandonment…

or why chaos feels like home…

This is why.

Your childhood wrote the script your adulthood is still acting out.

The good news?

What was learned can be unlearned.

What was wired can be rewired.

And healing is absolutely possible.

If this speaks to you and you want to understand your patterns on a deeper level,

you can explore more resources here: https://linktr.ee/traumatorecovery

~~~~

When I pulled up the announcement of this post, it immediately pulled several things together for me... Yeah, I'm gonna say it... It was, I think, a God Incident...

You see, I woke up with the song first shown above in my head and I couldn't get it out! That doesn't happen often because most songs that come to mind are from my own choice... But this song made no sense... What in the world was I dreaming about? After all, "You Don't Own Me?" certainly didn't fit for this particular time of my life--or did it?

I read the post, simply because Rachel is my friend. I noticed, however, that some of the ages listed re the psychology had changed from my understanding... So I was catching up with the latest stats... You see, when I first started working way back when and I had a little money of my own to spare, I always bought books: Two genres Christian and Self-Help. By that time, around 18 and I'd started to work, I knew that my life had been...different... But it was not something I had anybody to talk to about, until I found my BFE--yes, I changed it to match my feelings--Best Friend Ever... And at my age, that was saying something! Sure I'd had friends on the way in my life, but I had never found one with whom I was immediately Sympatico...

We had even said the word, together, when we recognized each other...

Anyway, self-awareness was an issue for me for a number of reasons, one of which was my weight at that time. An aunt and uncle babysat me early life, as my mother was always working. One of the things they did was pass every plate on to me, saying, "Clean that up, we don't want to waste it..." Well, I did. I know they thought I might not be getting enough to eat as the youngest of 4 children. They were wrong. Mom worked so hard so that she provided a home and food as the most important part of her job as a mother... We kids knew that. But it was kinda nice to have extra attention at that age... Unfortunately that help lead to a life of weight problems due to the type of foods we could afford to eat...

I found, however, that I had an interest in understanding why and how people got to be who they are. I'd read and studied I'm Ok, You're Ok by Thomas Harris... Probably the most beneficial book on the subject I've ever read... It was an easy study that was a layman's terms of understanding about, simply, asking yourself whether you are OK--or Not? There have been many other info packets such as the one above which Rachel had shared. Like I said, ages were the primary updates for my base of knowledge.

But, did that answer why I had woke with the song, "You Don't Own Me?" Perhaps. It might have brought together many of my thoughts lately, especially those about hate, violence, rights of freedom, etc., you know what I mean, about today's political environment...

But there was another possibility that I had to consider. You see, I'm now reading a new book by Ted Dekker--Heaven's Wager--and just now the title made sense for me... In any event, I was not reading this easily...in fact, it was questioningly...

You see, Dekker has been known for many fiction books related to the supernatural activities of God. Given what has happened with the "real" split-off of Christian Nationalism and its inclusion of violence, I've been struggling with my faith in "life as we now know it"... This book was pulling me into those doubts... And my understanding of my life... And the connection of science, such as psychology based upon learning... and faith based upon the Bible... Are you just as confused as I am? Well, I hope you keep in touch and, maybe, share your thoughts a little more, as I explore A Christian Woman in Today's Violent

World... Watch for more on this book soon...

God Bless Us All

Gabby