... I’ll be calling. We’re going to have to start referring to you as Dangerman.” “I honestly don’t care what you call me, so long as you get me everything you can...
After a long night of short sleep, Collette woke up tucked into Ricky's strong arms. She always felt so safe and well cared for when he held her. She couldn’t help but think about what she’d be doing today while he was doing his detective thing. There was no doubt he wouldn’t want her tagging along. He didn’t give his own safety a second thought much less a first, but when it came to her, he tried to make sure she was untouchable, unreachable and out of harm’s way. She tried to figure out a way to wiggle out of his arms, but they were holding her so tightly there was no way to do it. Finally, she let herself go limp and decided to rest and let him sleep. Of course, as soon as she capitulated to his hug, he started taking deep breaths and loosening his death grip. She waited a little longer and finally… “Oh, damn. What time is it? I guess the time got away from us.” “No, not so much. It’s only around 7:00. I think maybe our problem is that we spent way too little time sleeping.” “I see where you’re going with this. Stop it now. If it wasn’t for the time we weren’t sleeping, I don’t think I would have the strength to go on working. Wasn’t there an old Sinatra song about making someone feel so young? I think that’s where we get caught up. I have no desire to go back to ‘old’, so when you’re in my arms I can’t seem to stop.” “That’s ever so flattering my love. Not! But I’m guessing that’s as romantic as it’s going to get so let’s move on with our day.” “I’m glad you mentioned our day, dear lady. I took the liberty of making plans for you. Hopefully, it will give you the opportunity to rest. Isn’t being pampered what every girl wants?” “Being surrounded by luxury and leaving me alone to lavish myself in a hot, bubbly tub with expensive, exquisitely scented soaps and lotions sounds like a good start. I can order a gourmet lunch and eat it while I watch the postmortems on the 2024 elections. Heaven can wait...” “Yeah. I guess that, too, however, the plans I made can easily be canceled if that’s your preference.” “How about stop beating around the bush and tell me what your plan is.” “I made a reservation for you to spend the day in the Bourbon’s world famous spa. You can take advantage of whatever appeals to you once you get in there. They have everything, and I mean everything. If they don’t have what you want, I’m sure they’ll get it for you.” “Oh Ricky! That’s incredible. I’ve never ever been to a spa, much less a spa in a luxury hotel. You can leave now. I’ve got to get ready for my spa appointment. Uh, what time did you say it is for?” “Nine o’clock. You have plenty of time to get ready.
Meanwhile, I have to get going as soon as possible and for once, I’m not worried about your safety in my absence. Let me grab the shower first. I’ll be quick. Then a shave and I'm gone.” “Certainly. You are welcome to shower first. I’ll just relax until you’re out of here. I feel so expensive, er, I mean cared for. This is the absolute best day ever.” Once Ricky was in his car, he was able to take his mind off Collette. After all these years with her, when they were together, she still stole all his intentions and thoughts. He did love it, though. He was definitely in Swampsville. Not a place he’d enjoy spending much time in, so he was glad he’d thought of booking them into a four-star hotel. The amenities were all they’d been billed to be, and Collette was in heaven. He hoped to be in and out of that snake store quickly. That way he could be gone and back in the hotel in time to take a nap before Collette finished spa-ing. With a little rest, he could be up when she got back to the room and ready for one last night of pampering. Maybe he could even request that Alphonse bring dinner to their room. For a nice big tip, he was sure Alphonse would do almost anything they requested.
According to the GPS he was just a couple of blocks from the exotic pet store. He hoped there wouldn’t be any problems. The guy he spoke to on the phone seemed nice enough and if he continued to be easy going, all he’d have to do is tell a couple of quick jokes, get the information he needed and he was out of there. The pet store was pretty much like he expected. Nowheresville. That didn’t matter the slightest bit to him. In fact, he preferred it this way. If they were hicks, it would only make his mission easier. Not that there weren’t plenty of smart hicks, but if he was going to be dealing with them, he’d just as soon deal with dumb ones. He parked in the glamorous dirt parking lot and headed to the door which was not locked. When he opened it, one of those old-fashioned bells hanging from it clanged loudly, and in less than a minute Gomer Pyle was standing behind the counter. Give me the country life started running through his head.
“Nice day, huh? What can I do you for?” he asked. “Just hunky dory,” Ricky responded. “I don’t know if you’re the gentleman I spoke with the other day. I called from Florida about Black Mambas.” “Yessireebob, it was sure enough me. Don’t get so many calls fer the really poisonous snakes and Black Mambas are sure enough poisonous. I did tell you it would take a good piece of time to find one for ya, didn’t I?” “Yes, you did. My girl and I needed a getaway though, so we thought we’d visit your cozy little town. I have a couple of questions to ask you about the fellow who bought that Black Mamba from you. Would that be a problem?” “Hell no. We got nothing to hide. Our licenses are up to date, our taxes are paid and we’re as honest as old Abe Lincoln was. Or was that George Washington? I’m always getting those old guys confused,” he chuckled. Ricky extended his hand and honest somebody immediately reached out to shake it. “I’m Ricky Burns.” “Nice t’meet ya, Ricky. I’m Slim.” “Good to meet you, Slim. Listen, before we get started, I want to be honest with you. I believe honesty is the best policy. I’m just a city boy. I really don’t know nothing about snakes or any other creepy crawlers, except roaches. But I work for a guy who’s into all kinds of businesses. Thing is, he sent a guy to get a Black Mamba right here, from you. He sent you cash money to pay for the snake, but when he got back, he turned out to be a snake himself. At least that’s what my boss thinks. And that lyin’ snake of a man told my boss when he got here, you told him you didn’t have the snake, and you didn’t know anything about the money. So, I’ve been working for my boss for a lot of years, and he knows he can trust me to tell him the whole truth. That’s why he sent me to visit you in person after I spoke to you on the phone.” “That shit eatin’ lying cotton mouth! He sure as hell did come here and git that Mamba. He talked fast and couldn’t wait to get his sorry cheatin’ ass outta here. What do you need to know, Ricky? I’d be happy to help you.” Ricky reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a picture. He carefully laid it on the counter which looked as though it had never been cleaned. “What I need to know is if you recognize this fellow.” “Boy, howdy! You must be psycho. That’s the guy who picked up the Mamba. Any other pictures?” “No, but look closely, Slim. I need you to be sure he’s the one.” “I’m right sure it’s him. He was so scared of that snake he made me put the bag I packed him in into a box and then he bought a cage to put it all in. I told him the bag was way more than enough to protect him, but he wouldn’t listen. If all that fool stuff isn’t enough, he made me carry it out to his old truck and put it in the pickup just in case it broke loose. I told him the Mamba would just lay quietly and rest. They aren’t the kind of snakes that go lookin’ for trouble.” “Do you happen to remember the color?” “Oh, sure enough I do. You city boys don’t know nothin’ about nothin’, do ya? Black snakes are usually black. There is a little difference with Black Mambas, though. They’re more a dark greyish color, but it’s really black inside their mouths.
“Sorry. I should have been clearer. I meant the color of the truck.” “Oh, fer sure. It was one beat up, dirty red one. I didn’t see what make it was though. Anything else I can help you with?” “Nope. Actually, you’ve been a huge help. Just one more little thing, Slim. I need you to sign your name on the back of the picture and write just what you’ve told me. Be sure to write today’s date. This is the guy I gave the Black Mamba to. And that’s all.” “Be my pleasure. Happy to clear things up for your boss.” With that, he took a pen out of his shirt pocket protector and signed the picture. “Say, Slim, if anything comes up where my boss needs any poisonous snakes or exotic animals, I couldn’t help but notice what a great collection you have here. I'll be sure he contacts you.” “Thank ya kindly, Ricky. And tell your boss to get rid of that lyin’ cocksucker as quick as he can!” “I’ll let him know tonight and I guarantee you, that lying cheat will be gone before I get back. Thanks so much for your help.” Ricky left the pet store with a huge smile on his face. He had everything he needed and was going back to the four-star hotel to spend the rest of his visit with Collette.
Then couldn’t hold back from saying, “Gollllllllleeeee! That was easier than I thought.”
Ricky Burns is a veteran of the NYPD Major Case Unit. He served twenty years, survived two shoot-outs and retired as a Homicide Detective First Grade. No longer with the police department, but still attached to the excitement and satisfaction of that career, he chose to move to south Florida and become a private investigator. His reputation preceded him and before he had even settled into the houseboat an old friend of his donated for merely the price of protection, Ricky was being called by high profile criminal defense attorneys to work on some of America’s most explosive murders.
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